I just turned seventeen, but let me just say that I do NOT feel like a queen- Nor do I feel like dancing. To be precise, all I really want to do is sleep.
So far in my weird and almost constantly disappointing life, I've been diagnosed with ADD, Depression, Generalized Anxiety, BPD, and PTSD. And I've been getting all kinds of different treatments for them for years... Since 6th grade, I believe. (about 6 years ago.)
I've been on Prozac, Ritalin, Adderall, Birth Control, hell- I just got prescribed Valium! And, naturally, nothing helps.
Now I thought I knew depression, when I was younger I was suicidal, apathetic, and generally detached from the world. Since then it's been better, if only a little bit, but lately I've been experiencing something more... I don't even know.
Here's the deal. Lately my life has been going pretty damn well. I went from Ds and Fs to As and Bs, and I'm currently in a very healthy relationship. I have a loving family and a lot of caring friends, but even with all of that I just feel... wrong.
I've always had slight sensory issues; I can't stand being in a room with a lot of people talking, but lately its gotten to the point where I start to get aggressive and upset whenever someone so much as coughs when I'm trying to concentrate. And speaking of concentrating, I can't. My ADD meds have always worked perfectly for me, but lately I've found myself constantly in a state of dizzy, drowsy, utter confusion almost all the time. Forget passing that math test, I can't even bring myself to NOT pay attention in that class.. It's like the only thing I can do without getting incredibly tense and frustrated is just- sitting there. Doing nothing.
And I'm not suicidal, not like I was. I WANT to live, but I feel like I just can't. I feel like all I can do is sleep and cry and sleep some more, and it's killing me. I don't even sleep well!
I just don't understand what's going on. Nothing has triggered this sudden change in the intensity of my fatigue and sensory issues... I'm even LOADS more paranoid than I used to be.
I'm not myself!
I can't bring myself do anything, and whenever someone confronts me about it I just break down crying.
The paranoia, the sensory issues, and the complete and utter inability to even critically or logically think... I've never experienced anything so intense and crippling and I just don't know what to do.
Honestly, I'm not even sure what I'm asking here. I just need help.
I want to feel better.