How to cope with Mother thats making my Depression worse?

[laydeechaz]

I'm 19 and suffer from a Panic Disorder, Anxiety and mild-moderate Depression. I've had the Anxiety without knowing for years, but the Panic Disorder has only developed over the past year and the Depression around 6 months. The Depression has been developing slowly, it was on and off at first but now it's more all the time, but not yet to the serious stage. I have seen a Psychologist but because the waiting list is over a year i had to resort to my Doctors surgery councillor (I live in the U.K) but i found her very over powering and not really supportive so i stopped seeing her after 3 session's. Now i've been referred to a Psychiatrist, my Doctor is worried about the Depression getting worse. But i know that my Depression will get worse because of my Mother. I do get on with her but she has always had a very short temper and is very judgemental, and her anger has got very bad the last year or so partly down to stress from money problems etc, and it all get's taken out on me. She's worse when she's had a drink, which is every night, both her and my Dad drink beer every night, always have done, so basically you just can't talk to her at night in fear she'll all of a sudden flip over something you've said. She's so vile when she has these outburst's, it's awful, i feel so bullied, and the funny thing is she know's she has a problem but can never admit it or even apologize when it happens, it's like it's all my fault. And with all my metal health problem's not once has she supported me it's like they don't exist, i feel so alone. I just can't take it anymore, my Dad doesn't know the half of it, he doesn't even stick up for me, he's scared of her, he know's it'll make thing's worse. She's never been a Mother you can go to for advice or for a hug when you're feeling down, i wish she was, i don't even think she know's me. I would love to move out, but i don't have enough money to do it, i just wish she'd understand and do something about it.  I just want to cry all the time cos i'm so sick of it, she can be normal then she can be like a monster and make me feel an inch small, she undermine's me all the time. When she know's she's in the wrong she can't handle it and call's me every swear word under the sun and say's i'm pathetic and immature and need to get out of her hair, basically make you look like your the one in the wrong.
I mean tonight was ridiclious, i've never known such an over reaction, i was so baffelled. I was annoyed because she ate half the bag of popcorn she knew i was saving for a film, and was so sneaky about it, 3 day's ago she just walked out of the kitchen with it and i was like " Huh? That's for me, it was brought for me? What you doing?" So she put it back and i said when i open it i'll obviously give you some, but no, she couldn't even wait. It was the fact she didn't have the manner's to ask me, knowing i was saving it, if it was her popcorn she'd go ape. So i went upstairs to ask her about it but i wasn't angry with her when approaching her i was annoyed but asked her in a humourish way, laughing. After i said nicely, " Mum i mean it's so rude not to ask, you know i was saving it, you always eat the food i get for me, and never ask, i would let you have some if you'd just ask. " She shouted " JUST GO AWAY, **** OFF! " and i was like " Erm what? what's wrong with what i just said?", " IT'S ONLY ******** POPCORN GROW UP, YOUR SO PATHETIC CHARLOTTE!" I was so confused and asked again " I don't get it, i was only asking you to ask in future, you wouldn't like it if i or Dad did the same thing. " So she goes very angerly " OH FOR **** SAKE, I'LL GO UP THE ******** SHOP AND I'LL BUY YOU SOME THEN SHALL I? IF IT'S BOTHERING YOU THAT ******** MUCH, IT'S POPCORN, GROW UP! JUST ***** OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE, YOUR PATHETIC, SELFISH, ***** OFF, GO BORE SOMEONE ELSE! " So i went downstairs and cried. I just don't get it. Was i wrong?
I mean what can i do? Tell my Doctor?
She need's some anger management, because it's getting too much now and my mood is just getting more and more depressive.
Someone help?
I'm losing all hope. :(

[whodunnit]

Hi there,

Your doctor is wrong. You are not getting any support from that environment. Even if your parents did help you during the day they blow it out of the water at night.

It will only get worse unless they stop drinking and that sounds unlikely.

LCC is right again, she has described exactly what you need to do and I support that fully.

Do not stay, get another doctor wherever you move to. My suggestion would be a new town or city altogether. If you stay in the same city/town they will still destroy anything you build, such as stability, peace, relaxation and so on.

Money of course is the issue but start right now, today, to make plans to leave and save money to rebuild your life elsewhere.

Alcohol changes people from normal into pigs, abusive, angry pigs. I had someone in my life who drank every night and thought they were fine, they thought that, not I. To me it felt like they vacated their body almost from the first sip. I avoided them fully when I knew they were drinking but I didn't always know and those times were always vicious arguments.

As far as your parents go I'd suggest you write down exactly how you feel about your mother and her attitude to yourself. Don't be rude, just record the facts. I'd even suggest recording a video or sound recording of her when she's drunk. Seeing themselves is always a shock and may be the trigger for change. We all think we are fine when we have had a drink but we are not.

Your strength will be fully tested but if yiou want to get through this as quickly as possible you need to make drastic changes.

As an example let me say to you that taking medication will not change a thing in that environment. You will not feel better once they drink regardless of meds taken. The situation needs to change rather than you taking drugs to block it out.

Please help yourself and don't delay. Remember the doctor does not have to go through what you do.

Best wishes to you.

[laydeechaz]

I could leave, but i have nowhere near enough money, and my Doctor suggested that was a bad idea, i need support around me, but she doesn't know half of what it's like. I know i shouldn't try to fix my Mother, but no one else will and she's the main problem for my problem's so if she doesn't sort herself out then there's no way i can get better. When i go see my Physciatrist i will let him know exactly what's going on ofcourse. My Mum over power's me so setting bounderie's up won't work. And i can't work i'm on the sick pay cos i'm not well enough to work, that's the other problem.
All very stressful.

[LeftCoastChick]

You're 19 right? You have the option to leave, you aren't stuck there. I went through that, as soon as I could get a job, I was out of there.  You can't fix anyone else like your mum, but only how you react and cope. As soon as my mum got nasty on the phone, I would hang up. I didn't spend a lot of time with them until I confronted my folks around 29yrs old. I set up firm boundaries and my mum's changed drastically, we actually have a good relationship now. I do have depression issues, for most of us, not all though, need meds. Now that you've got a psychiatrist, grab the "bull by the horns", don't go in there to try to fix anyone else, heal yourself.