Need Help

[suec4558]

I have not been on the MedHelp web site for ages as I got myself into a state of deep depression and I had no interest in anything in life.  In fact a couple of times I considered ending it all (yes death) as I couldn't stand the pain both emotional and physical, any longer.  I am still dealing with those low thoughts on almost a daily basis and fight every day to think of those left behind and what it would do to them.  I think that is the only thing keeping me away from my vast collection of pills & potions.  I do see a psychiatrist weekly but even those sessions I have been skipping as I just don't have the will or energy to get there & then listen comments like "that's no good" or  "Just try to think good thoughts".  I sit here crying & thinking what's the point, but know that I need help at the moment to see past the pain and tears so I've turned to people out there who have experienced the same things & thoughts & say HELP. Maybe this is the wrong forum but I have gone past the stage of trying to work out where to go next. Sorry if I have stepped on any one's toes but I just don't know where to go from here. I know I HAVE to lift myself up somehow & you people out there are the only ones I know that might understand.

[suec4558]

After quite some time and a medication review I have FINALY turned a corner and am on the way back.  I tried to tell my family how I was feeling and they just couldn't understand as to them I had been hiding most of my symptoms and they thought everything was fine.  Now I keep a diary and write my thoughts and feelings down just for me.  I don't show it to any one else but somehow it helps me to be able to get it out of my head and by writing it down puts some perspective on things. Thank you to all the wonderful people out there who have messaged me, you made sooo much difference, a light in a very dark tunnel that brought me forward.  THANKYOU

[teko]

There are good doctors and bad doctors. You do not have a doctor that suits your needs. U might think about trying one with a christian counseling background, found easiest thru your church or a church near you. Your problem is that you are not getting the help needed to get you thru this. If you are thinking of suicidal thoughts, your meds are not the ones you need, or the dosage needs altered. Some meds will actually cause you to have the symptoms of suicidal thoughts, do not take these lightly. Go to the ER if necessary.

[nick30]

chk your inbox, i left you a msg!
Nick,

[GINMN]

Well, one thing I have done for doctors who just didn't seem to listen to me was to start typing up a list before going to my appoinments.  I list an overview of what has gone on since my last appointment.  I then make a numbered list of what I need to be addressed and bring 2 copies with me to the doctor.  I ask them to sign one for my records at home and ask that they insert the other into my medical records.  It has helped a whole lot in my case.

[ILADVOCATE]

I think if you are speaking to your psychiatrist about it you shouldn't judge yourself. I would seek a referral to another psychiatrist who understands that you are in a crisis situation and is more supportive. Also in addition to medication seeing a talk therapist would be helpful as well. Medication and talk therapy together help treat psychiatric disabilites and for some people cognitive behavioral therapy as well. I'd suggest calling a referral line and making a change. When I speak to my psychopharmocologist, even before recovery, as well as all the other psychiatrists I saw before him each consult I had a full assessment and if I had suicidal ideations or destructive urges of any kind they were extremely concerned and always followed up and made sure that things were stabilized. Your only job is to take your medication and let them know what's going on. Beyond that they should things get adjusted and when things do go wrong develop crisis coping skills. Support groups are good too.

[suec4558]

I have told my psychiatrist repeatedly how I feel and he just writes another prescription and tells me to come back next week.  I think I just about have a mini pharmacy in my cupboard with all my anti depressants and pain meds, which is worrying in itself, I have the means to make it all go away - sometimes I REALLY wish I didn't.  Sorry if I upset or worried you. I just know I need help & thought this was a good place to get it.  I have put my meds in a locked safe now so I have to go that extra step to get to them instead of having them in my bedside drawer. That way the thought process has to take that extra step & it's not so easy to just grab a bottle. I truly am trying, I just know I am not very strong right now & am trying to make myself turn to something else instead of wallowing in my various pain.

[ILADVOCATE]

We do understand. But your psychiatrist needs to understand as well. If your psychiatrist doesn't understand how severe your depression is then perhaps its time to seek a second opinion. But if you have active suicidal ideations you do need to follow up. You can go to a local walk in mental health clinic and just ask for help. If things get out of hand then go to the hospital. But as its late night at that might not be available if these thoughts are realistic call a crisis hotline. Here's a link:
http://suicidehotlines.com/