Lauren
I have never heard of what you are going through but my heart goes out to you. Hang in there. You are not alone.
These are labels people often find on the internet and then live up to, if you get my drift. Life is never a straight line. If things are getting out of control, talking to a professional should help you figure it out. And it sounds like you're missing this thing that is going away -- why do you think you're trying to hang onto it?