These are labels people often find on the internet and then live up to, if you get my drift. Life is never a straight line. If things are getting out of control, talking to a professional should help you figure it out. And it sounds like you're missing this thing that is going away -- why do you think you're trying to hang onto it?
Lauren
I have never heard of what you are going through but my heart goes out to you. Hang in there. You are not alone.