Aa
I feel awful.
I have had depression all my life but did not get treated til I was in my early thirties. I have severe depression, I am not bipolar. Anyway I had to leave my job that I loved so much in the laboratory because my anxieties and paranoia were at critical level. Nothing worked. I was on so many medications but all they did was slow me down and doped me out. I worked for 15 years doing what I loved but that one day when I couldn't handle my anxiety anymore I left my job in 2002. I have been on disability ever since. I've since found a great doctor who had put me through a gamut of medications, even over 30 electric shock treatments. But nothing worked. It wasn't until that he put me on old medication called Parnate that I started to feel like life was slowly starting to seep into my veins. I enrolled in an online course for Medical Transcription (oh I know---what a waste) but I did my research for courses at my local colleges, but there were none. This seemed the best fit. I finished that course and then reenrolled in the Advanced course to get a better edge in the job market. That's all okay. The problem is when my ex-sister-in-law started talking about me in various blog settings .....about my mental illness. My brother is going through a nasty custody battle and she is very vocal about my immediate family and how she thinks we are all dysfunctional. She has stated that "My family 1) works ) do not have mental illness" and I was mortified. I am so ashamed of my depression and being on disability. I felt that she unveiled me for all to see me and my sickness. Which I think is a very private thing. Unfortunately, this custody battle has become the talk of the city, even making the city journal's first page. That is where she continually for the past 3-4 months has dragged my family's name through the mud and exposed me. My initial reaction was to email her directly and in a nice way to tell her to backoff from blogging about me and my family; very hurtful things. But thank God I took a break and realized that it would further fuel her and only make things worse. I am a very hardworker at everything I do but when I am severely depressed there are days that I cannot even make it out of the bed and take a shower, but I force myself for my teenage daughter. I never know when I am going to get an acute attack of depression that totally debilitates me. The only other person besides my daughter that truly believes me is my mother, thank God. But my older brother and my sister-in-law do not like the idea that I am not working, am obese ( I used to be trim----but I have started exercise and have started losing weight). I do not look forward to Easter dinner at their house this year. I feel that they are all super judgemental of me and think that my life should be on another course. My brother thinks that everyone gets the blues and does not believe in psychiatric medication. I feel like my depression is very much a daily struggle. I do not do well with other people's judgemnts about me, especially when I have not asked them for it. I feel totally defeated and don't know how to react with these kind of people.
Thank you for reading all of this,
Angela
Thank you for reading all of this,
Angela
You know at the end of the day you know who you are and you have not done any harm to anyone.
She is however harming you
Other people are not stupid and they will come to their own conclusions. If people are honest a lot of familiea in your town have realties with mental illness, it is an illness, not your fault.
Focus on yourself, your exercise program and health
She is however harming you
Other people are not stupid and they will come to their own conclusions. If people are honest a lot of familiea in your town have realties with mental illness, it is an illness, not your fault.
Focus on yourself, your exercise program and health
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Many people are very dismissive of depression, anxiety, and anything dealing with mental and/or emotional challenges. If you told someone you have daibetes or were missing a limb they'd understand your disability and even feel some sense of compassion. Not always so with depression.
I could tell you all the usual things like don't worry about what people are saying about you behind your back and that anyone who takes stock in what your sister in law has to say probably isn't worth worrying about. Instead of taking the high road, she chose to show her ugly side and drag everyone's name through the mud. Any reasonable adult would lose respect for her and her actions. Continue to take the high road and ignore her. Don't invest an ounce of energy into this person's comments.
Sometimes your family can be your best friend, other times, they don't always sympathize wtih your struggles. They probably can't understand just how debilitating depression can be, otherwise they would take you more seriously and show a little more compassion.
At least you have taken steps to get help and you continue to pursue ways to fight it and ways to overcome your depression.
I think you would be better served finding a new therapist. It doesn't hurt to shop around for one who you feel compatible with. I think long term therapy may be more beneficial, sometimes you just need to look around until you find the right therapist.