Aa
gradually falling back into this depression
for those who have read my posts before, the cause of my depression was because of my ex girlfriend.
and me, having an extremely addictive personality, once we broke up I completely fell apart.
my entire world fell apart, and i was nowhere near the vibrant person I once was.
I became a very bitter, cold person.
As the days passed, I spoke less to my ex-girlfriend and eventually she completely stopped talking to me.
Once that happened, it almost felt like the heartache lessened..not completely, but lessened.
I lived, went thru the motions of life with no motivation.
I used pot as a replacement for her place in my life.
it felt so good to just be high the entire time, i never ever wanted to be sober.
but eventually something hit me, and i quit.
days later, my ex started talking to me again.
and that completely threw me off balance, and is sending me into this depression now.
she told me all this crap like how much she loved me, we did get intimate again which completely threw my emotions around.
honestly i dont know wtf im doing here on earth, because it feels like the more patient i try to be when finding happiness, that worse things continue to happen.
i dont know, i just dont know.
and me, having an extremely addictive personality, once we broke up I completely fell apart.
my entire world fell apart, and i was nowhere near the vibrant person I once was.
I became a very bitter, cold person.
As the days passed, I spoke less to my ex-girlfriend and eventually she completely stopped talking to me.
Once that happened, it almost felt like the heartache lessened..not completely, but lessened.
I lived, went thru the motions of life with no motivation.
I used pot as a replacement for her place in my life.
it felt so good to just be high the entire time, i never ever wanted to be sober.
but eventually something hit me, and i quit.
days later, my ex started talking to me again.
and that completely threw me off balance, and is sending me into this depression now.
she told me all this crap like how much she loved me, we did get intimate again which completely threw my emotions around.
honestly i dont know wtf im doing here on earth, because it feels like the more patient i try to be when finding happiness, that worse things continue to happen.
i dont know, i just dont know.
Best Answer
i know deep down insid that i need to get rid of her from my life...
like she's a cancer to me and spreads depression rapidly into my life..
and to cope with this, i've become a HEAVY pot smoker.
like i can't stop anymore.
i used to have a sense of control, but im so depressed.. annd i just want this pain to stop within me.
so..i try to numb myself by smoking so much everyday..
like i never did anything wrong, like im a good kid yknow?
and i dont know.. like i ffeel like i dsereve so much more from life.. but i always fall into this depression.
i feel like i have a really addictive personailty , and she was my drug of choice.
when she left, i went through horrible withdrawals, and replaced with numerous amounts of other drugs to achieve a simliar high, or some sort of 'happy' feeling that i lacked in my days
like she's a cancer to me and spreads depression rapidly into my life..
and to cope with this, i've become a HEAVY pot smoker.
like i can't stop anymore.
i used to have a sense of control, but im so depressed.. annd i just want this pain to stop within me.
so..i try to numb myself by smoking so much everyday..
like i never did anything wrong, like im a good kid yknow?
and i dont know.. like i ffeel like i dsereve so much more from life.. but i always fall into this depression.
i feel like i have a really addictive personailty , and she was my drug of choice.
when she left, i went through horrible withdrawals, and replaced with numerous amounts of other drugs to achieve a simliar high, or some sort of 'happy' feeling that i lacked in my days
Firstly im not going to tell you to cheer up and all that because i know how you are feeling. It sounds to me like this girl is not letting you get over her, she is probably even enjoying the attention you are giving her and she is in a way playing mind games with you. she knows that at the drop of a hat you will do anything for her, even now. and you need to break all contact with her.
i know that sounds a harsh but i am talking from experience. someone messed me around for months and i was supposed to be getting married to him but he called the whole thing off last minute and then kept playing mind games with me and giving me false hope. It took me months to realise i was being messed about with, the only way i realised is when i found him in my flat with another woman.
I hated him for it but in a way its what i needed to move on, it was my 'closure' . i mean of course i went mad and i smashed plates and i hit him and all sorts but i dont regret it at all.
that was 2 years ago now and ive now got a new partner and im very happy with him. i know people say things will get better and you probably dismiss it just like i did, but trust me things will get better.
you are worth more than her
keep your chin up
i know that sounds a harsh but i am talking from experience. someone messed me around for months and i was supposed to be getting married to him but he called the whole thing off last minute and then kept playing mind games with me and giving me false hope. It took me months to realise i was being messed about with, the only way i realised is when i found him in my flat with another woman.
I hated him for it but in a way its what i needed to move on, it was my 'closure' . i mean of course i went mad and i smashed plates and i hit him and all sorts but i dont regret it at all.
that was 2 years ago now and ive now got a new partner and im very happy with him. i know people say things will get better and you probably dismiss it just like i did, but trust me things will get better.
you are worth more than her
keep your chin up
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Depression Community
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
You failed to mention after you guys got intimate again that you were still seeing her. If so, it's best to end it now. It's sounds like she is the cause of your depression, and if that's the case then there is no point in pounding your body into any more abuse just for the sake of her still being around you. If she's not going through any problems, or hasn't even asked you if there is anything she can do to help, then she doesn't care for you. She may suddenly say that she 'loves' you, but where is the proof if all she does is make you feel worse?
Consider my words lightly, though, because I know all to well that there will always be more going on that someone could have the time to write about. If she has problems the same as you, then a relationship with her will waste BOTH of your guys time. Ex's are hard to forget, especially if they still live near you, but getting back together with them and feeling emotional and confused is no way going to help move on. Yes, it's true that there are dozens of couples who have been through so much together and still be with each other, but the fraction is hardly seem against those who make wach others lives worse.
As for your short drug addiction, I applaud you for quitting when you had the change. 'm sorry to say that i lack the experience in what you felt, but NEVER give in to those temptations, no matter how wonderful they seem. They are illusions, and the more you use the more addicted you will become. If you were able to surpass that, then this girl should be easy to avoid. She may have been playing you because she was lonely, not that she cared. But I can never tell you for sure because the entire story behind you guys may be far more complicated then what you could explain. Ask yourself if she is worth it, then do what you heart tells you to do. But my advice is to leave her in the dust because she is obviously careless to what you're going through right now.
And when you say 'more patient', be careful to make sure that you are not simply just doing nothing. If you do nothing and continue waiting, nothing will happen. Worse things may be happening because you are probably standing still. As the world goes forward, we have to go with it. Be strong and true to yourself. Work to be in a good relationship and your Ex(?) has to work hard too. There are so many women out there who want to share their addictive personality with you, so view them as good friends rather than possible bonds. your life is too special and important to be wasted on pot and by the hands of someone who can't understand even the simplest problems they are causing. Try not to blame anyone though and try looking elsewhere for distractions. Take a break from relationships and simply be yourself. Help yourself first, take care of YOU, then address the problem. If you're still afraid to loose her, then try to carefully talk things over, don't complicate anything else with further dilemmas. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do, and don't be afraid to be you. Your true partner will love you for just the way you are :).