my many failed suicide attempts

[kellylynne81]

I've been treated for anxiety and depression and am currently taking prozac.  My last attempt was at the beginning of the month when I ingested several different medications.  Prior to this last attempt I had been cutting off my oxygen supply by strangulation. I believe I have caused severe brain damage by doing this.  Is there anything that can be done?  I failed to mention this to my psychiatrist when I was in the hospital for fear of being committed to a long term facility. My symptoms include short term memory loss, inattentiveness, light headedness, and shaking. I am 28 years old and I am afraid I can't take care of myself or anyone else for that matter.

[Jaquta]

That's how it's been for me.  I took excess medication (ended up in icu for a period, etc) and felt OK.  Later, I took another very large quantity and ended up with a different outcome.  I was extremely fearful.  It was a good deterrent.  But that has left me in a bind.  I am dysfunctional and can hate life (or whatever it is I feel) but can't actually use the excess medication as a way to cope.  It leaves me feeling trapped, overwhelmed, desperate and unwell.  It's a difficult place to be in.

I am not sure but what you may be describing is a depressive transference.
I sometimes have gotten more depressed after speaking to people too.  I think this is because I have expectations of them and probably expect them to help.  Help as in help make me better (probably as in waving a magic wand sort of better.  I'm not sure).
I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.  I have also at times been diagnosed with severe depression.  I am pretty much anxious all the time.
You may want to look up the diagnostic criteria for bpd (dsm-iv) I'm not sure.
Based on what you write it could indicate you have it or traits of it.  I don't know.  A psychiatrist will be better able to tell based on a complete history, etc.

I hope the intake thing goes well and that you don't have to wait too long for a referral.
Maybe talking to your old psychiatrist and telling her how you felt would have been helpful.

[kellylynne81]

I currently don't have a psychiatrist. I am meeting for an intake at Service, Access, & Management and they will refer me.  I refuse to speak to my psychiatrist from Behavioral Health at the hospital.  Every time I spoke with her I was more depressed after than I was before. Honestly, I never want to go back there again. I am scared straight. I would never try anything again.

[Jaquta]

It's possible the medication may be making the suicidal stuff stronger.
I fear I have inadvertently damaged my brain too.  I took excess medication so I believed it was due to that.
My thoughts are that what you describe are symptoms of anxiety.  I get some or all of those symptoms when anxious.
The doctor on the mental health expert forum said (after I asked a similar question) that we are not permanently damaged.  It is more emotionally damaged.  My post was entitled medication, or something like that, if you're interested in reading the expert's response to it.
You should probably discuss this with your doctor.  I think the symptoms are those of anxiety and depression but the safety stuff is a concern.
If you are finding it difficult caring for yourself then you may need to let others do it for you for a bit.
If you are open and honest with your doctor and work together to reach a suitable treatment plan then recovery should be much quicker.

[ILADVOCATE]

Do speak to your psychiatrist about this. Any time a person has suicidal ideations or especially has tried to attempt suicide the first person they should speak to is their psychiatrist. When I was at the psych. hospital (years ago before my current recovery) I was like all people there asked if I had homicidal or suicidal ideations. I did not of course but if I did I would have told them. Long term institutionalization in the United States is rare and for people who cannot be treated at all and/or remain at all times a danger to themselves or others. Thankfully as medication has improved and continues to this is becoming increasingly rare. It is essential to discuss this with your psychiatrist because they would know how to follow up as regards medications and a talk therapist could discuss which emotional triggers created it and they could identify coping mechanisms.