pathetic, i am...

[eveiris]

i dont know why i'm like this...i find it hard to figure out what's wrong with me. i really don't think i'm insane, it's just that, i want to be happy but everytime i think about it, i don't want to be one. i tend to smile when i'm with people but deep inside i know there's something wrong, i don't know what it is so i just repressed it. suddenly, i want to cry because i feel the loneliness inside me. when i started to feel the joy of a company, i tend to withdraw myself. i'm normal, that's how people look at me. my friends would come to asking for advices but when it comes to me, i can't even help myself coz i don't that what is real, what truth or good, we can always define it the opposite way. i love tragic movies, love songs that have something in their lyrics, and i often have these thoughts that something tragic would happen to me or any hurtful things. my boyfriend told me that i have this different mentality. he told me i'm so pessimistic but i knew that i'm just being realistic.. there's something creeping in me, it would often come out. i told it to him so he would let me cry coz that's the only way i can relieve from it. it's hard to explain when i don't even understand why i'm like this. sometimes i would pity myself because others are too happy when i find their happiness is too shallow. i thought of breaking up with my boyfriend because i can't let him show how lonely the world is for me. i

i'm in my last year of college, everything seems fine. there are times when i become different, sad, lonely... it ould last for one week and i'm back to my normal state again.

[gofio]

Don't think of reasons for feeling pathetic. Maybe you've got something that needs checking out by a professional ~ best course would seem to be to do that as soon as you can. We all differ in some respects, but if you look around the site there's a common thread ~ we all have suffered or continue to suffer from mental illness, & that we have direct experienc of it. So sad to think of someone so young & at the best point in your life feeling as wretched as you do. Be not afraid to seek the help you need. You are the one that must change the situation to one that you are happy with, or at least accept. Pathetic isn't a good term to use about yourself. Think of another term & use it. Make sure it's a positive one ~ that's the only way to go long term. Hope you get checked out &  feel better soon. Let's know how you're doing soon. Best wishes. George.

[rBoulet]

Actually depression can come and go like that. It's called Recurrent Brief Depression, my old psychiatrist brought it up. It's basically exactly like major depression except it lasts less than 14 days and it happens at least once a month for at least a year.
For me I have dysthymic disorder but then I get major depression once in awhile on top of that, and sometimes it lasts less than 14days and sometimes it lasts for months so I know it is possible.
Then there's also the possibility of it being some sort of personality disorder or being directly related to anxiety.
No matter what the best advice anyone on here can give you is seeing your doctor about it.

[whodunnit]

Until I read your last line I had specific advice for you. Your last line strongly suggests hormonal influences.

You see, depression does not come and go. It comes and stays. You don't have one bad week and 3 good ones. Never. They are all bad, all the time even when meds are helping they are still bad.

Get a physical checkup and try to do a chart of what dates you are feeling that way and what dates you aren't.

If that isn't the problem then I can suggest you are grieving about something which only you know. But with the good weeks in there I can't see this being true either.

Let's know what the doc says hey?