he's bringin me down but i love him?? help

[angrybird28]

I love my boyfriend to bits but hes making me feel worthless, i do everything in the house, everything with the kids take him were ever he needs to go..... All he does is sleep in till 11:30am then sits on his bum all day smoking weed, playin poker.... Like today iv been up with our 11month old son from 5:50am iv took my 5yr old daughter to school, come home done all the cleaning, all the washing, washed pots, took his dog out for a walk, prepared tea for tonight, done our sons bottles, picked my daughter up frim school, gave them their tea, bathed them got them ready for bed and read them a story, once they was both in bed i fell asleep then i woke up to my son Crying in his cot, my partner said he xould not

[angrybird28]

Thanks im glad someone else sees it too and its not me expecting too much, i know your right i do need to call it a day but its just so hard letting go, iv been through it all with my daughters dad and it put me in a really low place, i know if i can do it once i should be strong enough to do it again but at tje minuite i just feel emotinally drained, physically drained i just feel all together low.
Im putting on a brave face for my 2 children, but your right the last thing they need is a role model like him, he slags my daughters dad off for only seeing her twice a month but id say he isnt any better than my daughters dad.

Thank you for your reply, its shed abit more light on the reality of my situation.

[angrybird28]

Iv tried so many times to sit down and talk and negotiate but its always the same reply "il just leave in the morning" i say you dont have to leave just help me out a bit even if its hoovering one room its still a job less for me, i dont expect him to take my daughter to school because shes not his but our son is his but it feels like im asking a friend to babysit while i clean up when it shouldnt feel like that i should be able to jus say im cleaning or im just nipping out and feel ok about it. Iv lost  contact with my friends i rarely see them or speak to them, i used to be a very socialable person.

His mum and dad was and still are great role models, his mum has tries telling him he needs to grow up and take responsibillity for his family, but to me it seems like he couldnt care less if hes here with us or if hes back at his mums.

This is what blows all our arguements up he thinks im nagging him but im not im juat trying to talk and ask for abit of input fro him. Hissolution is avoid talking and he will just move out.

I wish i could pack a bag and leave but its my name on the tenancy  and my daughters school is in this area and all of her fathers family that she sees.

[angrybird28]

Iv tried so many times to sit down and talk and negotiate but its always the same reply "il just leave in the morning" i say you dont have to leave just help me out a bit even if its hoovering one room its still a job less for me, i dont expect him to take my daughter to school because shes not his but our son is his but it feels like im asking a friend to babysit while i clean up when it shouldnt feel like that i should be able to jus say im cleaning or im just nipping out and feel ok about it. Iv lost  contact with my friends i rarely see them or speak to them, i used to be a very socialable person.

His mum and dad was and still are great role models, his mum has tries telling him he needs to grow up and take responsibillity for his family, but to me it seems like he couldnt care less if hes here with us or if hes back at his mums.

This is what blows all our arguements up he thinks im nagging him but im not im juat trying to talk and ask for abit of input fro him. Hissolution is avoid talking and he will just move out.

I wish i could pack a bag and leave but its my name on the tenancy  and my daughters school is in this area and all of her fathers family that she sees.

[mammo]

I see so many red flags in this relationship and I'm happy that you are seeing them too!  He takes no responsibility for his children and totally lacks respect for you.  He is not a good role model for your children, nor is he good for you.  But you have enabled his behavior and that's a big problem.  You need to think of what you and your children want and deserve out of life and it's got to be better than this!  Smoking weed in your home is a big no-no and could get your children taken away from you.  It sounds like you would be better off on your own...he's just dead weight and brings nothing to the table!  Think long and hard about what is best for you and your children and either he pulls his own weight and acts responsibly or he can get out!  I do wish you all the best as many of us have had to walk away from someone we loved for the sake of our children and our emotional well-being.  Take care.

[brice1967]

Its not you entirely.  You do have some blame in this, but the majority of the problem is all his.

Where you went wrong is allowing this to happen.  Allowing him to smoke out, allowing him to do nothing....  He's gotten accustomed to it, and this may even have started out in his own home.  Mom might have catered to this guy all of the time, so now it is an expectation.  Problem with that is, you have expectations too.  And, they are not unrealistic.

As a parent, this guy should be stepping up... but perhaps he didn't have good role models in place.  I'm not making excuses for the guy, and I won't try to make them for you either.

Parenting should be a team effort.  Even just residing together has to be a team effort.  Everyone needs to pitch in to get things done.  There are a lot of things I don't like doing, but I do them.

I think you need to have a good heart to heart talk with this guy, after you take a few serious precautions.  I think you need to formulate a plan on where you can go when (if) this gets worse.  I think you need to be brutally honest and lay your expectations out, and listen to his.  Negotiate....
I think you need to find a way out financially.  Save all of the money you can.  I don't know if you use coupons, but use them and stuff away the couple of bucks you save.  Pick up part time work, or something you can do from the house... all of this will be necessary if when you have this conversation, and he tries to call your bluff. (Have bags packed, even.  Just the necessities, and if he says "You won't leave", your next words can be "see you later".

Let him know that it is no bluff.  Let him know you love him to death, but you can't do everything and you'll move on in order to get some normalcy in your life.

Plan first, negotiate second, and leave 3rd if it goes that far.  The longer you stick around and do nothing, the harder time you'll have pulling the plug when it is necessary.

[angrybird28]

Watch him because he was smoking in the living room.... Iv told him im tired but e just dosnt car, he dosnt lift a finger in the house i do everything and all i get is spoke to like crap,  were have i gone wrong?? Am i a bad girlfriend?  Is anyone else going through the same thing??