I feel your pain. After being overweight most my life and being bullied I developed bulimia which carried on for 4 years. Even in recovery it never goes away. I'm pregnant now and my happiness gets outweighed by my fear of weight gain. Doctors just give us pills instead of getting to the underlying problem! I'm sorry I can't give advice, but that's because there is none, I can't tell you something and you'll be all better overnight. Maybe you just need to talk to someone who's been through it. You're welcome to talk to me if need be x
I went through a similar experience as you. I was anorexic/bulimic for 6 years (now 5 years recovered). During my recovery I was very healthy, but I would have some really bad days--especially during grad school. The only drug I ever took was Paxil, but that was during high school and the height of my disorder.
You're at the stage where you've learned to respect your body with healthy food and exercise as a norm--but there are times when you overdo it and feel horrible. You've identified why you're doing it (stress), but it still feels like your reaction to stress is to do something destructive. Eating alot may feel like a reward at first, but you know you're going to feel bad or weird after, so it's actually punishing yourself...
So maybe for a while, try the opposite. Treat yourself with something harmless--like a bath. Or do your nails. Or make a DIY deep conditioner or something. Whatever really "caring" for yourself means for you.
When I get the urge to overeat, I put the food away (or ask the waiter to wrap it up) and drink a cup of tea with nothing in it. It helps for digestion, it's a calming ritual, and it doesn't make you cross the line of "now it's a binge".
I'm pretty cozy in my recovery, but every now and then, stress makes me have to work at it. I'm happy to message with you if you like. Even if you just write to vent or to keep from going on a bender.
Thanks so much for reminding me that it is about self-care, self-nurturing and self-acceptance. I needed to hear what you had to say.
I'd need the same mind of comprehension.. I've been struggling with medical therapies as well as binge eating disorder but I also shuffle to bed after anorexia. I'm 16 and I'm afraid this is just the beginning. Contact me please, I'd enjoy to chat