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Do I have an eating disorder?

I've been forcing myself to not eat. The longest period of time I've gone without eating is 5 days. The first day, I weighed myself, and I was 130 lbs. By the fifth day, I was 122 lbs. I felt like I had accomplished something. Now, I routinely weigh myself, and get extremely afraid when I see any weight gain. I don't  eat breakfast or lunch, but I'll sometimes eat dinner when necessary. Everything went so well until I ate 2 serving sized meals in 1 day. I gained 2 lbs, and felt disgusted. How could I let myself eat so much when I knew the calories would make me gain weight? Because of that, I keep myself limited to 100 calories a day. Sometimes I want to eat, but the fear of gaining weight always makes me change my mind. Watching my weight drop makes me feel so happy. But, do tell, is this some type of eating disorder, or is it something else?
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973741 tn?1342342773
Hi, welcome.  Well, you do sound like you obsess over food and your weight in an unhealthy way.  I used to be the same and it is an exhausting way to live.  A fast for a brief time is okay if you are hydrating but to do it regularly and restrict calories to the extent of 100 a day is not healthy.  In the least.  You aren't exercising excessively which usually accompanies anorexia but there is something called AFRID.  This is Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder.  Basically, it is starving yourself as you are doing. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/eating-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20353603  

Are you an anxious person by nature?  Do you feel out of control in your life?  Do you have body image issues?  These questions I woner about.  Also, how old are you if you I can ask?

This is dangerous to sustain your food intake like that for periods of time as you do.  But I understand you aren't there yet to see that.

I would be made at myself for eating two crackers for dinner and an apple.  Like, I didn't need the crackers I would think.  Sigh.  I will tell you that as I worked through this, I developed a healthy relationship with food and my body and life is much better sweetie.
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
I wouldn't consider myself anxious by nature.
Yes, I often feel as though I have no control over my life.
Yes, I have body image issues.
Have you considered getting therapy?

You don't mention your age, but if you are under 18, is there an adult you can trust to talk to about this, someone who might be able to talk to your parents for or with you? A school counselor? A teacher? An aunt or uncle?

The road you are headed down is dangerous, and there are easier, healthier ways to have a sense of control in your life.

This site - https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/treatment - has a hotline and chatline should you ever need it.

Please consider getting help now.

973741 tn?1342342773
So, I got the triple yes to my questions.  I'm sorry you are in this situation sweetie.  I would very much encourage you to understand how this can be dangerous to your health. Finding a healthy weight and maintaining it knowing that day to day it will fluctuate is  goal for you.  Your ideal weight may not be the one you want but realistically, what weight would be good for you to stick 'around'.  Anything you have to basically starve yourself for is not going to work long term.

I completely agree that a therapist would be really a great idea for you.  Let us know how you are doing.
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Avatar universal
Hi Moralis. Do you exercise? If you eat but also active, then you would be burning off the calories that you ate. However, you should also be watching diet so you don't go over the recommended calorie intake for your built to properly function in your daily activities.

I can relate to your question "How could I let myself eat so much when I knew the calories would make me gain weight?" and  "Sometimes I want to eat, but the fear of gaining weight always makes me change my mind." In my case, I purge what I eat to maintain my weight but later realized that it couldn't be a long term solution to maintain my weight. Now, I have been watching my diet and try to stay active so I will not gain too much weight. Give yourself some allowance to gain weight because that is normal for all human beings. If you feel you are gaining weight, then do the precautionary measures (diet, exercise..) and give yourself some time to burn off the calories. Don't be so hard on yourself. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
These are really good questions by Pink. I hope you come back and talk to us. We're here for you.
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