Extreme Anxiety Issues

[EVA01Sarge]

I just join this site because I wanted some honest advice about how to deal with my issues. When I was about eight years old I was diagnosed with anxiety, a few people in my family had it, as my mother informed me, and it was not that bad, so I didn't think much of it at the time. They gave my parents some medicine to knock me out if I had a panic attack. I never even really thought much of that the time. I just thought, 'Ok, so I worry a bit more than others, big deal.' It was not that big of a problem back then. Though I'm now 13, 14 next month, and these past four years have become hell for me.  
We had moved three times since then and each time I have gotten worst. I am a nervous wreck. Everything and everyone scares me. I have panic attacks so much that it's hard for me to find myself in a moment that I'm relax. I only feel somewhat relax when I'm at home with my family. I can't handle social events at all. I had no friends and had no intend to ever make any again. I worry that if I did, they would betray me, stab me in the back and make me miserable. I never talk outside of my house unless forced. The only humans on the face of the earth I am comfortable with are my mom, dad, and older and younger sister. Though at the same time, I feel like I can tell them nothing.
My heart is always bounding and I always feel like I want to burst into tears. This is become ing unbearable. I once thought I had some serious mental illness though recently googled stuff up and discovered it's all anxiety.
EVERYTHING that I had been experiencing is a sign of it. Done to the inability to eat or drink in front of people. I was partly relieved that I had found this out, though then I started to panic more. I thought what if it's all a sign of something else? What if it's a lie? What if I'm hallucinating? And it when on and on and on.
I can no longer sleep, I toss and turn, and when I do fall asleep eventually, I wake up again and again every twenty minutes. For me, falling asleep before six AM is crazy. I feel like I'm going crazy, I can't go into a room without checking everywhere for monsters or seri killers. Before bed, I have to check behind the door, the ceiling, under the bed, and in my closet twice before laying down. And yet still I feel the sensation of doom. Same with the bathroom. I can't be alone for longer before I start to tremble in terror. When my family does something that is not normal for them? I think someone has killed them and is pretending to be them. I can't focus and I alway feel like I'm being watched. I was once an A+ student, now I find myself with C-.
Also, one of the things that is making my life hell the most, is the violent thoughts. I looked it up and it is caused by anxiety, and though I know other are like this, I feel like I am the only one and that I'm a totally nutjob. Whenever I see some douche acting stupid, my first thought is to bash his head into something. I don't ever have to be anger to think about it. I find myself on the couch, sitting and watching TV when I start to think about killing others. Cutting, slashing, beating, it is always vicious and violent as can be, and trust me when I say this, that this is NOT like me! I would cry if I stepped on an ant when I was young. They happen all the time, so intense, especially while at school, that I have to grab my chair to keep me from done something. I am terrified the I will one day, that I will stand up, grab the sisccors, and stab the giggling girls and drug addicted sitting in front of me. School is one month away and even in the summer, my brain is hatching horrid ideas if how to kill. And honestly, the thing that scares me the most is that fact that I'm starting to enjoy these thoughts. I'm ENJOYING them and I'm scared to death I might hurt myself or my family.  
I can't remember of find the words to explain all of this, it's to much. I can't handle this anymore and I want help! I am at the point where I don't care if I'm stuck in nuthouse or stuff so full of pills I can't tell which way is up, this is starting to kill me.
Just please, any advice of how to help this? Or how to force myself to tell my parents? They know I was depressed a while back and self harmed, though they think I'm mostly ok now. They don't know how bad  getting. So please, help.

[Sharihome]

It sounds like you have a dual diagnosis. My teen son went to Rogers Memorial residential treatment for 3 1/2 months to help him with anxiety and something else. Maybe you could google them or contact them. Coping skills are so important to have. Try to seek someone or somewhere that can teach you these through behavioral therapy! Good luck, and get some rest.

[TheUninvited]

i dont know print what you wrote here and give to them , i don't even tell my parents how i am feeling because i dont want to make them worry because they are not of the type of people who makes me feel to open up myself to them that's what i am thinking.

But probably because you want to talk to them about it then just print and give to them.