Eating disorder

[amberwentz85]

OK i have been bulimic for almost a year but I have not purged in over a month. I was addicted to Adipex I got from the dr and it helped kill my appitiite. Now that I'm clean i constantly think about eating so I make myslef go walking for hours and be away form the house. summer is right around the corner and I'm so angry I'm fat and disgusting! I;m scared I will form another habbit..starving myself! And all I can think about is what diet pill I can go on over teh counter is that ok as long as I take it as directed? Help!!

[Zoelula]

Great post and great advice, ss547!

[ss547]

I am also a recovering bulimic. Your post sounds like what happened to me the first time I was in recovery from my eating disorder (about 4 years ago), and I dont want to sound discouraging but I relapsed soon after back into full blown bulimia. I had the same idea, its getting warmer outside and my body image and voice of bulimia is telling me I need to exercise and avoid food. Walking is great exercise but it is just a distraction and I found for myself that the walking excuse turned into hours of restricting which was surely enough followed by a binge/purge. I would also not recommend even starting to look into diet pills and/or laxatives or any other thing which might make you believe you are losing weight but it really is just going to hurt you and set you back further.

Over the years with attempting to treat my bulimia I quickly learned that medication from my doctor alone would not cure my illness. Today I have a team made up of a nutritionist, psychiatrist, and therapist (when I was at an eating disorder treatment center this was the team of professionals everyone got). My nutritionist is important for setting up meal plans/goals and clearing up my warped ideas about food (or at least she tries every week). My psychiatrist has experience with eating disorder patients and has gotten me on a good medication regiment right now (before I took what my physician prescribed and didn't make too much progress). My therapist is important for talking about body image issues, behavioral therapy approaches, and whatever else I need to get off my chest. Obviously outside of the group of people I pay, I also have my friends and family who I only recently shared my secret eating disorder with but have been trying to be as supportive as possible.

It sounds great that you haven't purged in a month and that is really encouraging but if you are thinking about taking diet pills it doesn't sound like you are giving up the eating disorder. It's really easy to flip-flop between bulimia and anorexia from experience and I would just recommend trying to stop all of the disordered thinking. This is really hard to do and it requires practicing healthy thinking, mindfulness, and resilience. I know you feel alone and ashamed right now but unless you reach out for help no one can put you on the right track, and while posting on this forum is a good start for getting support I think you should try to find some more. Talking about the eating disorder helps you share what you are going through with someone and also helps you get advice and insight that you can't see with the bulimia blinders on. It's not a matter of knowing what is right and wrong, but actually wanting and doing the right things. Hope this helps

[amberwentz85]

Oh i know I feel like I'm failing by freaking out about it all the time. I know whats right and wrong and I have lost weight without pills and a healthy way before but it IS an addiction as well. I feel ashamed and lost. Unless someone knows how this feels the can't relate and it's very lonely. Thank you for your advice! It's nice to know there are positive ways to look at the situation.

[Zoelula]

First of all, congratulations on not purging in over a month! You're on the right track!

Binging, purging, restricting, diet pills are all a part of the same syndrome. You sound like you are really struggling with your issues and hanging on by your teeth. Food is not the enemy. Planning, cooking and eating healthy and satisfying meals is part of recovery. Are you completely off sugar? Sugar is very addictive and until you have at least a month completely off, you will crave it. For many people, white flour specifically and carbs in general can also be addictive so try and limit these things and eat fresh vegies, fruits, and protein.

Eating disorders are complex issues that affect every aspect of our thinking and feeling as well as our bodies. They are about more than just food. Whatever was going on underneath that was fueling your eating disorder is still there. You might want to consider some support in the form of counseling from a therapist experienced with eating disorders. OA is also a good source of support and learning and working the steps with a sponsor. It's hard to do this alone. Hang in there it will get easier (I have 16 years recovery, maintain my weight without the need to diet and enjoy cooking and eating healthy delicious meals.