I think I need some help.

[pinkcinderella]

I think I've gotten myself into a mess. I'm 5'8" and, at 220 pounds, my new years resolution for 2008 was to lose 40 pounds. Now, after losing 56 pounds, I'm at 164. I know that for my height that's still a little overweight but I think I'm becoming anorexic. I can't think of anything else. Every time my brother sees me he says something about my weight and jokingly says something about me being anorexic. I don't have the heart to tell him he might not be wrong. I spend my days worried about food. On the days that I do eat a usually end up inducing vomiting. On Fridays, if I know I won't be doing anything Saturday morning, I take all kinds of overnight laxatives. About a month ago, after several days of not eating, my boss said something about how I get skinner every day. It made me feel good that someone other than my brother was noticing my weight loss. I've come to the point were I feel that I'll never be happy unless I'm skinny but at the same time I don't want to be anorexic. I keep telling myself that someone will help me, force me to stop all this destructive behavior, but I can't tell anyone. I'm too ashamed to ask for help. I can't let my family know what a failure I am. I don't have anyone to turn to. What am I supposed to do? I want to tell myself that it's just a phase but I know that it's not. I can't stop it and I'm scared that it's starting to control my life. My hair is getting thinner and I'm bruising more easily. I don't want people to see it but at the same time I do. I want someone to care enough about me to intervene. I want to be healthy. I want to feel good about myself. I want to be happy. I want my family to be proud of me, not feel sorry or look down upon me. I want so many things in life and an eating disorder is not one of them. How can I get through this?

[nat241]

i know how u feel my life feels like a constant battle everyday with food. i just want to b normal and happy againx

[pinkcinderella]

Thank you both. I really appreciate that you took the time to read my post and respond.

Abby, I really like your journal idea. I think that writing everything down and having something visual to go on will really help a lot.

[abby84]

Rapid wt loss can make you lose hair and if you check your protien intake you may be deficient. Protien deficiency can cause hair loss and thinning it can cause other problems also...(Anemia)- Meats help red blood cells. You can mantain a healthy wt by taking a protien supplement daily. But if you are worried about wt gain track your calories and etc to what your ht and healthy wt should be. You need to make yourself a journal of the food and intake with feelings. If you still have feelings of anorexia then you need counseling because food is not the only problem you may have..(control), and you could be damaging your health.



                                    Let me know if this helped or if you want to talk  ABBY

[hrt3105]

Hey dont think of yourself as a failure, u wouldnt think that way if you had the flu or some other illness, and your weight is only important to you and what makes you feel healthy. The height weight scales are stupid u cant go by them i can see your just uploading the pics 2nite and i dont believe u look overweight or anorexic. The bruising and hair thinning could be a promblem showing up, checked for anemia. There are ways to get you weight were your happy with it without going to extreme an i bet you familt would love to help, just ask them thats the hard part. Anyway i'll help any way i can, just outside ofr athens so holler if i can help
Mark