Responsibility

[Jaquta]

How do people/ patients learn to take responsibility for themselves (and their thoughts, feelings and behaviors)?

Responsibility can feel like an elusive trait/ characteristic.

Is responsibility also just a name?  Can we ?obtain/ achieve it by accepting and confronting reality?

Emotional eating and mental health issues all come back to taking responsibility, don't they?

How does one take responsibility when one is stuck?  I hope you can interpret this in the context in which it is intended.  I am having trouble defining and describing the context.  It is almost like being asked to do something (taking responsibility) when one doesn't know how/ doesn't have the necessary skill/s.

This reminds me a little of when being forced to do dbt.  In a crisis I was told to use distress tolerance skills (which hadn't been covered). ??

Is responsibility a skill that can be learned?  If so, how?

Reality will perhaps always be the foundation building block but reality almost feels passive and intangible.  Perhaps they are the wrong words but reality doesn't elicit change.  I feel like I am digging a very deep hole for myself but hopefully you can decipher what it is I am trying to say/ communicate.

J

[Jaquta]

My psych appointment went very badly today.
The outcome was that I can have one session per week with the T who is also the psychology adviser and husband of a previous T.

I'm undecided about what I'll do.  This is a big set-back for me.

Responsibility kind of came up during the appointment.  During my last appointment with him he spoke of risk and vulnerability (hence two therapy sessions per week).  Today he said the responsibility was all mine.  I questioned the need for a mhs.  It is to support.

I went to the supermarket after-wards and unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) they had no cream donuts.  I didn't buy any junk food either.  It all feels rather rejecting and disappointing.
I don't even know why the T would suggest other alternatives if they were never options.

I wonder whether responsibility is putting an end to all this.  It almost feels like it is.
And here I am at 11 o'clock at night talking to a blank computer screen and leaving tears all over the keyboard.  The adult acts, the child waits.

I felt excited because I learned something about myself from experts on this site.  The mhs just remind me how stuck and useless I really am.

It's been a stressful day.  It's been cold and wet.  The roof which has been fixed leaked due to poor workmanship and the gib (plasterboard) needs replacing and it will need re-plastering and repainting.
Mum has a blood clot which is now at the bottom of her leg.  And one of our cats which had kittens (which are semi-wild) has cat flu and one of its eyes is all gungy.  I don't want it to lose its eye or vision but I haven't had much success at catching it.  Let alone treating it.

Trust is an interesting issue.

At least unstable means I should wake up feeling OK.

[Jaquta]

I was not rubbishing your book (nor would I till I had read it in its entirety).  I was just thinking the internet seems an easier medium to interact with.  Perhaps that is more motivating than self-directed learning (for me at this time).  I really like hard copies though.
It is frustrating for me having a resource available but not being able to ?motivate myself to work through it.  When I do read it, I find it challenging (maybe a little too challenging for where I'm at now.  That's perhaps why progress has been so slow.  Maybe I also have this expectation that it will help direct me towards the insights I need to change.  Perhaps it is fear holding me back??)

The book is great.  I prefer clinical texts but I still value the writing and content.
Sorry, I keep doing this very annoying thing which is adding my thoughts, feelings or experiences to everything.  I was told that because of my emotional development I am more focused on survival than others thoughts and feelings, etc.  It's frustrating when I don't have the discipline to leave something without adding and suffocating it.
What I have read of your book is good.

I said self-esteem, I meant self-worth.  They feel different to me.

I get the responsible in some respects but not others.  I have learned the hard way (through self-harm) that I can't rely on others and that only I can take control of/ responsibility for my situation and my life.
For example, say I was to harm myself without intent to die but with the intention of being rescued.  Rescuer's may not meet my expectations (may not come, may not have the necessary skill or training to deal with the situation) and I could potentially die.  That is a very big shift when you place that responsibility for your life onto someone else.

I had contact with my previous T.  I was excited about sharing information you had given me with her.  She said it was interesting (and that it covered many things we had covered in therapy).  I talked to her about home and moving out.  I said I wanted to leave the place fixed and not broken.  She said I needed to accept that maybe my parents wanted to live in their broken chaos.  And suggested that I am waiting till they are fixed  so that I become fixed myself.

The child needs, the adult would like.

To grow, is also key I think.

I have been reading previous posts in the evening to try and distract/ contain myself.
Last night I read a previous comment of yours that I found triggering.  You acknowledged that a member's family member seemed to meet some of the characteristics of bpd, they being narcissistic, manipulative and unstable.  It felt hurtful.

My fingers have turned white and my feet feel numb and I need to go and help paint the inside of the house.  The plasterers are currently doing our kitchen and lounge.  I have an appointment to see the psychology adviser later this afternoon.

J

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I am happy to be of help, and I too would recommend the program over the book, but many say that book has helped, so I can't ignore that information.  Re responsibility, its a big concept and central, and a cousin to the damaged concept.  If you are not damaged you can grow.  To grow is to take responsibility for your life working out.  That means accepting that it is your life and only your effort makes a real difference, and that you are on duty for your life 24 hours a day.  Waiting and hoping to be rescued is what keeps a person stuck; Responsibility gives you freedom and options. The child waits. The adult acts..

[Jaquta]

I was just thinking (as I do occasionally).

Previously I have viewed things as being good or bad (right or wrong).  This is especially noticeable around foods and 'diets'.
Currently I am moving to organize and complete things.  (Not quite with food, I still eat that in parts).
In some respects the good and bad assign blame/ responsibility but the completeness is responsible.

I just want to thank you personally for the changes I am noticing as a result of what I am learning from your posts.
The biggest change I have noted to date has been the increase in self-esteem due to viewing myself as something other than damaged.

I am still having difficulties (especially in the evenings when I am experiencing low mood and intense suicidal thoughts and urges) but ... I am still here and giving myself the best opportunity to make changes and live life.

There has been a suggestion that the mhs refer me for an independent review.  I am somewhat frustrated as I am not all that interested in evidence-based treatment but effective therapy.  I feel angry and frustrated by time-frames and lack of psychological support (from those who should be providing it).
Is it being especially demanding to ask for this?  I feel it is selfish asking for this support (or level, or quality of support) but I feel this has the potential to help me.  Should I elect to remain stuck out of respect to a services limitations?
Asking for support also seems like not taking personal responsibility but at the same time is.

I have been having nightmares again triggered by my up-coming appointment with the psychiatrist/ director of mh.  (I did like him once though when I thought he could discharge me from hospital.  Which of course he couldn't because he wasn't the responsible clinician.  Responsible enough to order meds but not to discharge??)

I am very anxious but I should go.  I am stuck on your book again.  It seems to be a habit to do things in parts.  No offense, but I think I would recommend your internet program above your book.  Perhaps that is something that just suits my style of learning better.  Interactive vs passive.  (I said that before: live vs dead??)

J