Aa
disgnosed with disordered eating, not eating disorder
This might be long, sorry!
used to be 150 pounds, at 5'4. I realized I was getting out of control and eating too much. I stopped eating and got a second job. Oh I was 16 or 17 years of age when it started. I only would eat lunch at school, a big one. Then when I graduated high school and started working 80 hours a week, I now realize I spun out of control, but back then I felt powerful that I only ate once a day, or could have a few bites and stop. As time went on, I only had 1 job, still ate a snack
A day, maybe would go 1 day without eating. I developed this weird second voice in my head, kinda like an evil conshants. If I woke up and that voice told me I wasn't going to eat that day, and I would try to force feed myself, I would have a panic attack and vomit, then feelings of guilt for wasting food when that voice told me I wasn't going to eat. As time went by, I had only 1 job and 3 years ago suddenly became physically disabled and can't work. This is where I hit full blown rock bottom. I would only eat a snack once a week, not a meal, it would be a cupcake or something. Something aways sweet because it curved the appetite and I wouldn't feel hungry for a few days. I live with my dad, he never noticed. I felt that I was hiding it very well from my bf of 6 years. Then a few months ago I decided to tell my dad and bf. My bf admitted he assumed I had a problem, but with my unstable mental state (brought on by lack of food) he was scared to confront me. Dad Diddnt believe me until I seeked professional help. They diagnosed me with disordered eating, which they said is not as severe as eating disorder. They gave me a meal plan and sent me on my way. Well I have low blood sugar and the Dr wants me to eat every two hours... I'm barely eating a meal a week, but trying very hard to eat eggs every morning, something in the afternoon and evening, yes I'm doing that much, but its not enough, still get blood lows. I'm in such fear of gaining weight and again realizing im 150 again.
used to be 150 pounds, at 5'4. I realized I was getting out of control and eating too much. I stopped eating and got a second job. Oh I was 16 or 17 years of age when it started. I only would eat lunch at school, a big one. Then when I graduated high school and started working 80 hours a week, I now realize I spun out of control, but back then I felt powerful that I only ate once a day, or could have a few bites and stop. As time went on, I only had 1 job, still ate a snack
A day, maybe would go 1 day without eating. I developed this weird second voice in my head, kinda like an evil conshants. If I woke up and that voice told me I wasn't going to eat that day, and I would try to force feed myself, I would have a panic attack and vomit, then feelings of guilt for wasting food when that voice told me I wasn't going to eat. As time went by, I had only 1 job and 3 years ago suddenly became physically disabled and can't work. This is where I hit full blown rock bottom. I would only eat a snack once a week, not a meal, it would be a cupcake or something. Something aways sweet because it curved the appetite and I wouldn't feel hungry for a few days. I live with my dad, he never noticed. I felt that I was hiding it very well from my bf of 6 years. Then a few months ago I decided to tell my dad and bf. My bf admitted he assumed I had a problem, but with my unstable mental state (brought on by lack of food) he was scared to confront me. Dad Diddnt believe me until I seeked professional help. They diagnosed me with disordered eating, which they said is not as severe as eating disorder. They gave me a meal plan and sent me on my way. Well I have low blood sugar and the Dr wants me to eat every two hours... I'm barely eating a meal a week, but trying very hard to eat eggs every morning, something in the afternoon and evening, yes I'm doing that much, but its not enough, still get blood lows. I'm in such fear of gaining weight and again realizing im 150 again.
Definitely understand this, I have not been eating properly fr at least a year now. I got laid off and my husband has was diagnosed with heart failure. I have to have control over something right, not the job, the husbands sickness, anything so I control my eating. I am now underweight, but when i look in the mirror at 110 pounds, instill see overweight and fat..used to be 160 at 5 ''3". Size 1, but still not happy and have to feel the bones. You understand crazy right. Yes body image, self esteem, the works...and getting older doesn't help. You are not alone but stay positive, continue getting help from your therapist/psychiatrist and family support and of course this forum.
sorry but you dont have to be underweight to have an eating disorder.....this is how it can go unoticed by family, friends etc for so long but what you are doing is still doing you terrible physical damage and it will if it hasnt already have you under its control.....please go and see a councellor/psychologist and a good nutritionist to help you break out of this pattern of eating. You obviously have issues surrounding your weight and shape - otherwise you wouldnt be wracked with guilt when you eat.......these are classic eating disorder symptoms -have been battling anorexia which my daughter has for 4 years now
Well, it sounds a lot like what happened to me, except if I ate only once a week, I'd probably pass out! I know it's hard to go from eating once a week to every two hours, but at least start out with eating once a day. A\Dealing with weight gain, I am also terrified about gaining even one pound, but after a while, you could be hospitalized with a low weight, which comes with many other problems. I suggest you go to a therapist and tell them all of this beacuse at this point that's what it sounds like you need more than anything.
Also I think its genetic. My mom had bolumia and then did laxatives. As a child she tried to get me to vomit up food like her claiming it was ok. Once dad found out he got custody, I believe that saved my life for awhile.
Body image has always been an issue for me. Girls were cruel to me about my looks which made me sad. I always saw the thin girls with boyfriends and popular, getting attention. Also forgot to add at age 14 I used meth, became thin and became popular. By age 15 I was clean thanks to kci.org. so after getting clean I loved eating and slowly put on weight, and became 150. I chose to not use drugs ever again, but I used my drug experience to keep me from eating. Instead of eating, I would clean. I still do that, I feel starving but clean the house instead then I feel worthy of a snack. I'm 22 now, could I have an eating disorder now instead of the less severe disordered eating? Should I seek help again?
Body image has always been an issue for me. Girls were cruel to me about my looks which made me sad. I always saw the thin girls with boyfriends and popular, getting attention. Also forgot to add at age 14 I used meth, became thin and became popular. By age 15 I was clean thanks to kci.org. so after getting clean I loved eating and slowly put on weight, and became 150. I chose to not use drugs ever again, but I used my drug experience to keep me from eating. Instead of eating, I would clean. I still do that, I feel starving but clean the house instead then I feel worthy of a snack. I'm 22 now, could I have an eating disorder now instead of the less severe disordered eating? Should I seek help again?
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