Do I have an eating disorder?

[sammysam77x]

I'm pretty sure I do, either that or body dysmorphic disorder or both. I really don't know what eating disorder I have. It's nothing I'm proud of, more something I've learned to live with. Also, I can't figure out where it all started but I can figure out the things that really trigger it (meeting a new guy - wanting to impress him and be thin, bigger moments that come up like parties, interviews, activities, etc or even just seeing a commercial or movie with a perfectly thin girl in it that makes me more self-conscious)

But it never started out like that, which is confusing. Here is what I typically do:

Go 7-14 days of eating around 600-as low as 300 calories (at least now, before I was more lenient and said around 1000 but I worked out twice a day for more than an hr each time)... Coupled with that I go on 8 mile walks or 10 mile bike rides in one day plus go to the gym for at least 2 hrs at night, barely sleep and then start it all over again for that week-two week period. Then I binge (which makes me think bulemia now) and eat a lot of things that wind up making me feel fat & disgusting. I might do this for up to a week or more then go back to the starving, over-exercising cycle.

That has been my life since I was 16. Before that, I binged by eating a lot then working out a lot and I remember when I was 12-14 I started becoming vegetarian and ate nearly nothing and forced myself to run after school.

My mom has always been a little overweight. She used to be bulemic when she was about my age (18-21) and then had me, then she stopped. I always remember thinking I didn't want to be chubby but I think I took my idea of what is average and what is skinny/thin a bit too far. I still feel chubby even when I'm eating next to nothing and working out constantly. I don't think my mom is the cause of this. I do remember getting teased in 4th grade about having a big butt. That made me want to be thinner, even though I was average-sized.

So what do I have? And why? And can it ever go away or am I doomed for life? Because eating healthy/normal doesn't even sound appealing. But no guy ever wants to deal with me and my body image issues so I never keep a boyfriend for an extensive period of time. What do I do?

[Zoelula]

I second everything the previous poster said!! I have 16 years recovery after living most of my life with an eating disorder, so recovery is definitely possible! One thing I've learned is eating disorders are about so much more than food and weight and when you deal with the underlying issues your focus on food and weight will fall into place.

[ss547]

I am sorry to hear about your battle with food, exercise, and body image. The restriction of food to 300-600 calories, compulsive exercise, and binges do indicate anorexia. You are not bulimic unless you purge the food you eat and you have not mentioned that so I am assuming you don't. It sounds like your triggers are activities which are anxiety provoking and if so you may need to work on ways to deal with anxiety in therapy. I am not sure exactly what eating disorder you have based only on your description and only a medical professional can diagnose it officially. You are not doomed for life though! You can learn to have a healthy relationship with food and your body just like you learned to have an unhealthy relationship with food and your body. You could get into therapy and nutrition counseling to get help to get away from the eating disorder tendencies, learn what you can do to help yourself, and have a safe place to talk about your issues without judgment. Once your relationship with your eating disorder ends you will enjoy life much more and be able to open yourself up to relationships with guys and I would recommend you overcome your eating disorder before bothering with a boyfriend. When you say eating healthy doesn't sound appealing to you I wish you could see that this is your eating disorder voice and not your inner healthy voice which you have to find and trust again. You should talk to your physician about your symptoms, even though he/she is not a psychiatrists he/she should understand mental health issues and refer you to the right people or prescribe a medication regiment to get things under control. Talk to family and friends if you can to get their support and feedback. Just because your mother suffered from bulimia doesn't mean you are definitely going to as well so try not to let yourself believe that.
Good luck!