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Horizontal diplopia on both extreme gazes?


I'm kind of looking for answers as my issue may be pretty rare.
I'm psychological disabled. Schizophrenic. Highly depressive. I've been taking different antidepressants for the past 15 years; I'm 33. I've been on Zoloft since April and been tampering since June.

1st tampering: my eyes felt a bit... Odd. Randomly blurry without actually being blurry. It was impossible to see anything from up close, like I couldn't look at my own armpits: it hurt and I couldn't focus.

I became distressed as I had ongoing positional vertigo issues since March which are considered "in my head", ergo psychosomatic (I AM schizophrenic after all). Eye movements seem to go pair in pair with dizziness, and I'd love my eyes all around quite often to check if anything was wrong.

I think I might have noticed a couple times my left eye moving by itself. Sometimes they'd also not move together. I'd see that shooting a video of myself with my phone.


2nd tampering in October: My eyes were an obsession. I eventually forced them REALLY HARD on the left and triggered a nystagmus. It freaked me out. I did it again and again AND AGAIN. It hurt a lot. My left peripheral vision had seemed to worsen a little but not many much, but it did get worse at that point.
-> Then in chronological order: a week later I started to see double in my extreme left gaze. Freaked out I decided to do trigger it again and agaaaain and the more I'd do it the more it'd hurt. A LOT. I'd do it all day, every 10mn.
-> My left gaze diplopia eventually worsened a bit after I pushed my eyes so far to the left I got my nystagmus and cried from pain.
-> I already had some weak diplopia to the right but barely noticeable. Well after I had hurt and worsened my previous diplopia.... I decided to keep on going. It hurt. A lot. And I started to see double in my extreme right side too.

I've got a small ptosis on my left eye since... Well since I was at least 17. It has worsened a but doesn't get in the way. Worse when tired of course.

So now I'm left with binocular horizontal and bilateral diplopia. Internet tells me it's a brain tumor or trauma... But I know the way the internet goes.

I'm being told I actually mutilated myself in a very specific way, one that isn't done by many people. My psychiatrist told me that I just hurt my eye muscles and I may never get my regular vision back, and I should just look straight ahead for the moment and relax my eyes.

Can you actually induce diplopia like that? Is this self-mutilation? Would that be consider an eye trauma?
Because I'm terrified of doctors but sure I have a brain tumor.

There IS a history of eye problems in my family (my mother and brother have got left gaze diplopia too). I also have astigmatism and am nearsighted. I think I already had some small degree of left gaze diplopia, not sure.

Thank you!
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177275 tn?1511755244
Thank you for your post. I can prove some useful information. First and foremost your eye can should be from a MD physician (ophthalmologist=Eye MD) not an optometrist.  Yes it is possible to induce nystagmus as a normal, non-pathologic condition. It is called "phsiological end point nystagmus" and occurs in extreme lateral gaze.    On the other hand if nystagmus comes on after not being present at birth, is all the time, occurs in the straight ahead position than a thorough neuro-ophthalmic work up is indicated.  If you have had droopy eye lid (ptosis) since age 17, you are now 33 and nothing bad has developed it is not a great concern unless it gets worse or something new develops. Your eye MD needs to look at your pupils very carefully and see if they are the same size. If the pupil is smaller on the eye with droopy eyelid you may have an "Acquired Horner's Syndrome"  Again if that just came on it would need a work up but not yours given the many year history. The medications you take for your mental problems will all have listed "blurred vision" in side effects. Virtually all the anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-psychotic medications make it more difficult to focus at near and intermediate distances. In people in their mid to late 40's it can cause a need for bifocals or reading glasses at a younger age than normal.  Your psychiatrist is WRONG. You can't hurt your eye muscles by crossing your eyes, looking as far as you can in different fields of gaze or even by using them too much ( this is a side issue but heavy screen use in very young can cause myopic and increase of myopia, and at any age cause dry eyes).   So get in to see your ophthalmologist if you don't have one find one.  Since your are relative young and myopic and having problems at near. They should do a glasses test (refraction) AFTER your eyes are dilated. This is called a 'post-cyloplegic' refraction. It is necessary as if the glasses test is done before your eyes are dilated the glasses RX may be too strong and that is a common problem of reading strain in younger myopes. (glasses too strong and OVER correct myopia)
Helpful - 0
Thank you for your answer!

I think you may have misunderstood or I may have expressed my problem in a bad way...

My main concern is diplopia on extreme lateral gazes at FAR distances, not near. My mother has it while looking left, and so does my brother. My boyfriend has it on both sides.

It may be a coincidence but this appeared in October after tampering my AD (Zoloft). I felt my left vision a bit restrained. I looked all day long at the far left for a few days and hurt myself. Triggered a nystagmus. Then I noticed a diplopia on my extreme lateral left gaze for far distances. Not so much to the right.

I saw an ophthalmologist. Did a routine eye exam, checked the eye using a machine. It was in November. Nothing out of the ordinary. She told it was in the extreme lateral left gaze but couldn't see nothing special.

I then played for next weeks with my eyes, hurting myself over and over again by triggering this left diplopia. Sometimes it hurts so much my eyes cry and I get dizzy... and I do it again, hurting myself even more. The diplopia worsens temporarily when I do that.
I ended up making it a tad worse and having it on my right as well (more than it used to be). It happened in a matter of minutes: really hurt myself and it was all of a sudden worse.

I then talked about it with my psychiatrist and a MD and told me I hurt my eyes. I heard about "making a problem that was already here worse", "straining eye muscles" or "rewiring the way my brain uses my eyes". They talked about mutilating myself.

I, on the other hand, read on the dreaded internet that bilateral, horizontal diplopia is usually the sign of something real bad. But you know, internet.

I am dead scared of doctors... Hope I was a bit more clear this time :)

Thank you!
When I talked about end point nystagmus I was talking about distance vision not near.    Your observations about your family and boyfriend confirm what I said about normal 'end point nystagmus"
Thank you again for your answer!

I am definitely making a difference between the end-point nystagmus (which I shot on video when I saw my left eye clearly moving ) and the diplopia (two images side by side, no movement but no apparent paresis either).
And it did get worse since I first noticed it in October after a feeling of narrower field of view of the left (just a little tad bit) aaaafter lowering Zoloft.
Then it hurt and hurt more and hurt because I was doing all day long, triggering the two images... Till I pushed it even more, for longer than usual, and the diplopia got worse on the left and appeared on the right. From afar.

Trying to look sideways (especially left) hurts like hell, makes me dizzy, I shed a few tears... Hence the "I made things worse by hurting myself" theory.
Actually both my mom and boyfriend immediately closed their eyes when trying to look sideways because of the pain of just trying. My bf even got a migraine after trying once.
Okay, I have taken this discussion as far as I can.  Don't look as far as you can to either side.  Just turn your head in that direction.  Eyes and joints have a certain 'reach' that is called 'range of motion' past that limit it causes pain, strain.   I won't have any more to say.  Just trying to be helpful.   If you want to pursue this see a 'neuro-ophthalmologist. They are on faculty at Medical School department of ophthalmology.
Thank you very much for your answers once again!
You are welcome. Best of luck.
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177275 tn?1511755244
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