failed IVF

[robyn53]

UGH. Today I found out my 1st IVF did not take. I am really devastated. I feel less of a women now and really was not prepared for this. I am not sure what to do I  now. Everyone has been amazing, but I still feel really terrible. How do I cope!

[hopefulgirl26]

Your welcome : )

[robyn53]

Thanks for your kind words. I am have a better day today and am trying to realize how or what went wrong and go from here. I am 40 almost 41 so I do not want to waste time if I can figure something else out. If not I will have to make peace. I surely hope that is not the case. Are you going through any of this right now or have you in the past?Thank you.

[robyn53]

I guess if I had thought hmmm maybe the first time would not take, but it all went really well, I guess god only know. Today is another day and I seem to be a bit better today. I totally know what you mean about spontaneously crying and that is why I only have been talking to a few people. Jess have you decided to try again or do anything else. WE are meeting with our doc on Monday to figure what else we can do. I know I do not want more heartache. I know that can happen now and it makes things even tougher. Can I ask how old you are. Not that that is the all be all. I am 40. This makes it a bit easier to have this arena to talk to women who have had the same experiences.
thank you

[ArmyPrincess819]

I don't want you to think for one minute you are less of a woman or blame yourself. Somtimes things are just out of our control. For now just try not to give up find a piece of inner strength and march forward and see what the road ahead holds for you. When you are able to try to think positive and keep your chin up....I'm so sorry. I'm here if you need to talk....

AP

[Jess800]

I am in your exact shoes.  I had my first failed IVF almost 3 weeks ago (on my birthday no less).  It is a truly devastating loss.  You seriously have to grieve I think.  I cried for many days straight and still sometimes spontaneously burst into tears!  

I know what you mean- it is very physically , emotionally, financially exhausting!!!

Hope is powerful and it will come back!


I am very sorry.  

[robyn53]

Thanks for your words of encouragement. Today is a better day since I have such a wonderful group of family and friends who are and have been very supportive. People at work do not know what to say to me since today it was as if I was about to cry most of the day. I am trying to stay positive as my stepbrother is a ob/gyn who specializes in IVF and he just told my mom that it usually does not take the 1st time. I did not know that and since everything else took I just thought WOHOOO this is it. but not this time. Once we talk to our doctor on Monday we will have a better understanding of our actual results and be able to make an educated decision. This has been a great website for info and womens openness to all of this crazy stuff.

[blessedmomof3]

BFP is Big Fat Positive

Believe me, I understand as we have done it twice and still have nothing. It is very hard to deal with and to not have a guarentee makes it even harder to think about trying again. We don't have alot of money either and have been spending all of our bonuses and tax returns each year and still are in debt over it as well. That's why this is our last chance. We said in the beginning we would try 3 times and then move on to adoption. We are sticking to that commitment. Your DR should have explained to you that it usualy does not work the first time around. Then you wouldn't feel so jipped, if you had just been prepared for the way it turned out. I am truely sorry for your BFN (Big Fat Negative) I know it hits just like a miscaraige ( as Tina had said) It is very hard to take and when it all comes down to it, only you and your partner can make the final decision as to what is best for you. I just want you to realy think about it.

[hopefulgirl26]

It has been many times that I have felt hopeless and down and out and wondering when will I have any sucess but I just remind myself that my day will come and to keep my head up and stay positive because god WILL bless me with the one child that I want. Thats why I stay on this forum because the women here give me hope and we will also be here to give you help as well. So stay positive and dont give up hope : )

[robyn53]

What is BFP.... I really do not understand what all of these abreviations are.... I guess being new to all of this I would not be. Thanks for the support. This all is very expensive and to now have debt over it and no pregnancy is really awful so think you have payments for something that you dont have .. Does that make sense. UGH

[robyn53]

Lets see.... I am not sure of your wording (BFP etc sorry) I have just joied this group. I had 3 embryos that transferred and they were 2 B's and 1 C grade. Not sure what happend who knows really. we meet with the doctor next week to see find out what happened. Will see from here on out.

[blessedmomof3]

I agree w/ Tina. I have had 2 IVFs and both times got BFPs but lost them both. We are getting ready to do our last cycle, as I have two teens and need to start thinking about their college funds. I know that I am very blessed, but I also know the heart ache and disapointment of it all. But if you are just getting started I would say not to give up yet, I have seen many women on here get their BFPs after so many disapointments. At least give it one more shot.

[tina1111]

I am really sorry. I have been ttc for 25yrs now. It never gets any easier.  I have suffered losses. But, the bfns are just as bad as a loss sometimes. Recently, my dh and I did a donor FET and got a bfp. I was soooo excited. It was short lived though, it only lasted a week.  I guess what I am getting at, is that this can be a long and disappointing journey for a lot of us. Not to mention $$$. Keeping the faith and a positive attitude really helps.  It is easier said than done, but it does help.  How many embryos did you freeze?  How many did they transfer on the last cycle?  Did they say what grade they are?  How many days were the embryos at transfer?

I am so sorry the 1st try didn't work.

[robyn53]

I meant to say crying. I am sure that is normal, but I am just so heartbroken. Not sure I can go through anything else. I feel horrible realizing I might not be able to be a mother when there are women out there like octomoms out there.

[robyn53]

This was my 1st try of IVF. I had a great cycle and now this. it is really terrible I cannot stop trying. I feel terrible for my husband and mom. I guess I did not plan that it would be negative.

[blessedmomof3]

I'm so sorry to hear this!!!! I know how heart breaking it is, but you cannot give up. What else have you tried before IVF?