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Fibromyalgia and being lonely
I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (as well as other illnesses--degenerative bone and joint disease, etc) and am in constant pain. I've been unable to work for the past 8 or 9 years (can't sit, stand, walk for long periods of time). Since leaving work, my friend-base has dwindled. With that being said, my (former) husband felt I was "holding him back from enjoying his life" and left 6 years ago. I focused on raising our son, which kept me focused on a daily basis. Now he's away at college (and doesn't need--nor want--me so much), and my loneliness is through the roof! I wish I could work or do other things. (2 days ago, I met a friend I hadn't seen in 2 years, we went to her house and a store), and I've been laid up on a heating pad since.) I think I'm a nice, kind person, but realize my health limits me on things I can do. I sometimes wonder if I will spend the rest of my life alone. I would love to meet someone to spend some time with...and I know this sounds wierd, but seems like most men are very active and I could never keep up. Anyone else in this situation??? (thank for listening)
I have Fibromyalgia plus other diagnosed probs. Am joining a support group in my area where we all get together for a wee moan once a month but also a laugh n can offer support to others. You can learn a lot from these get togethers, no one judges you - as they all have some problems. You leave knowing you are not alone x hope you find something in your area, if not, why not set up meetings once a month for an hour put advert in gp surgeries and free ads hire a church hall or do at home or similar, you will feel a great sence of achievement, the adrenalin from that is a natural helper in pain relief. Gp often knows of self help groups too. good luck xx
"I feel like i am being left behind while others are living life and having a good time," KITTY, you're entire post feels as if I could have written it! I'm so sorry you are in pain but I can't believe someone else actually knows what I feel. My personal favorite is when people tell me, "Well, if you'd go out more often, then maybe you'd get USED to it and start feeling BETTER!" I finally yelled at my Dad (who is generally understanding, but still doesn't get it 100% because I 'don't look sick') and told Dad, "When I get out, I am in AGONY/Bedridden for 2-3 straight days afterwards, unable to move, except to go to the bathroom. I am in too much pain to even take a shower." When I have to I'm at the point where I try not to respond when people say those things, since I only have my immediate family and 3 friends left (who I don't talk w too often; they have very busy lives). I think in my head, "they'll never understand." I also hear, "Well, geees, you LOOK GOOD!! Are you feeling better?" I feel like screaming, "NO you idiot this doesn't get better and my (degenerative bones, spine, joints) are continuing to degenerate daily & the Fibro/chronic pain never ever go away." KITTY, Dont EVER feel sorry for what you write at the moment you are feeling sad or in pain. I think that's what this site is for...We understand...PS--I never heard of BOWEN THERAPY (Pls tell us more abt it!!), I just looked it up on the internet and see it originated in Australia (and I see you are from Australia--do you see alot of Kangaroos and Koala Bears ?! :) We see alot of white-tailed deer and I'm still in amazement when I see one, they are so beautiful.) I wish I had the money and the health to travel--your country is the first one I'd visit! (I'm in NY; my niece lived in Texas and I could not even fly there to visit when she had her baby. Everyone else went except me :( Sometimes I feel like I am imprisoned w this health
I have tried just about everything as well,and i am now about to try bowen therapy.I too get frustrated and angry as the things i can do on a good day i do as much as i can.Recently i experienced muscles spasms all over my body that i have never had before,it was extremely painful,it even went to my face.this would be the worst and longest flare up i have ever had.I too have friends dwindle off,they call occasionally and tell me what they are doing,then tell me just to get on with it and the pain will go away as they think FM is a in the mind thing.OR i should be used to it by now!! I feel like i am being left behind while others are living life and having a good time,i spend my time going to doctors trying meds that make sick,and yeah when youre not so healthy people just dont want to know,not all but most.there is no such thing as unconditional love.Putting up with partners with pain is all too much,so how do they think the person that has the pain feel? It does sound a bit far fetched when someone touches you and it feel like you have hit really hard or as in my case my skin feel sensitve like its sunburnt.I havent had a good time of it lately but i am still ever hopeful that something will come up to help us all.I probably will read this tommorow and say to myself why did i write all this!!pity we cant wipe of our own posts!!
I know it's best for me not to have a b/f right now. gees, I've been alone for so many years now, Lord knows how I would handle having to be on any sort of schedule. You're right, sometimes talking actual conversations are work when you don't feel well. I'm glad I found this site. Hope you all have a decent week. Here 4 u 2 :)
Hello me236,
I live with my husband and 4 out of our 5 boys, so i do not understand the solitude, but I do feel lonely because of the constant pain and lack of getting out there and socializing I do understand. My days are filled with worry and stress and lots of pain. i used to be a strong and independant women, one that I know my husband misses a great deal. i often get scared that he will tire of my illnesses and find a life without me. I am so sorry your ex was not understanding and supportive for you. I am learning more about the different ailments I have and in the process I have joined these groups so that I can have people who understand to talk to, so what if we can't get together and go out but we can certainly be supportive and friends here and now in this group and know that we are not alone in this pain and frustrations. Here 4 u.
I live with my husband and 4 out of our 5 boys, so i do not understand the solitude, but I do feel lonely because of the constant pain and lack of getting out there and socializing I do understand. My days are filled with worry and stress and lots of pain. i used to be a strong and independant women, one that I know my husband misses a great deal. i often get scared that he will tire of my illnesses and find a life without me. I am so sorry your ex was not understanding and supportive for you. I am learning more about the different ailments I have and in the process I have joined these groups so that I can have people who understand to talk to, so what if we can't get together and go out but we can certainly be supportive and friends here and now in this group and know that we are not alone in this pain and frustrations. Here 4 u.
Your words are so TRUE and comforting. You certainly understand where I'm coming from...physically and emotionally. Thanks for your kind words...I'm on my way to the Pain Dr (see him every 6-8 weeks) and although the shots in my back hurt, afterwards the pain lessens a bit for a day or so. Even tho the pain never goes away, I'm at least glad I go to him; he's so understanding too
the only thing time alone is good for is - spending time with yourself and getting to know yourself. there's little you can do physically. i'm single and live alone which is actually ideal conditions for recovery - don't have to interact with anyone - even having to respond to 'goodmorning' from someone is WORK. this unfortunately goes hand in hand with severe loneliness. and then people not understanding.
i think it's important to talk to others about your health problems - if they don't want to hear it, too bad - because you're talking about 'your day' - which is 'unwellness'. whatever works for you, as long as it's honest. we deny ourselves at our own peril. time to care for ourselves and treat ourselves well!
i've lost a couple of friends in all this - hurtful but has to happen; you can't bend yourself out of shape in what you say or do just to not upset others. sorry about the divorce. the damage of severe illness reaches into every facet of a person's life.
never thought it'd be me. so my life is insular - telly and movies, internet, cooking and shopping for one, other depressing notions, basic errands, but parts of my life are very improved, never been better, nutrition for example. i still see friends occasionally, for short meetings. it's completely unsuitable to be partnered with anyone right now, i feel there's personal development of sorts to be done... with that fact, it makes partnership with anyone irrelevant now. the loneliness has been terrible at times, we would prefer to never have to live this way, so to make the most of it, it's the best opportunity ever to experience aloneness and solitude.
hang in there, this life isn't normal, but it's normal for 'us' right now. we are alright people, we are just sick. (facts)
i think it's important to talk to others about your health problems - if they don't want to hear it, too bad - because you're talking about 'your day' - which is 'unwellness'. whatever works for you, as long as it's honest. we deny ourselves at our own peril. time to care for ourselves and treat ourselves well!
i've lost a couple of friends in all this - hurtful but has to happen; you can't bend yourself out of shape in what you say or do just to not upset others. sorry about the divorce. the damage of severe illness reaches into every facet of a person's life.
never thought it'd be me. so my life is insular - telly and movies, internet, cooking and shopping for one, other depressing notions, basic errands, but parts of my life are very improved, never been better, nutrition for example. i still see friends occasionally, for short meetings. it's completely unsuitable to be partnered with anyone right now, i feel there's personal development of sorts to be done... with that fact, it makes partnership with anyone irrelevant now. the loneliness has been terrible at times, we would prefer to never have to live this way, so to make the most of it, it's the best opportunity ever to experience aloneness and solitude.
hang in there, this life isn't normal, but it's normal for 'us' right now. we are alright people, we are just sick. (facts)
It just breaks my heart to hear of how ur husband just up and left u. What ever happened to "for better or for worse"? Ur not alone...u have us here *hugs*
Thanks for listening and understanding...Yes, I've been working with a pain specialist (shots in my back) for years (he's an anesthesiologist), as well as my Primary Dr (monitors my pain meds, antidepressants etc) and also a chiropractor on a regular basis..and therapeutic massage therapist (when I can afford it). Yes, I've tried water therapy (many many times--it brings so much pain), 'land' phys therapy, acupuncture, talk therapy, electrical shock to the trigger points in my back, infrared therapy, gosh I can't even think what else. I have degenerative spinal disease and degenerative arthritis and joint disease, as well as Fibromyalgia, etc. So I can't do alot physically..I try to take my dog for a short walk every day or every other day. Everything is so painful. It has been worse since my husband wanted nothing to do w me 6 years ago. I thought throughout all of this, I was a nice person... I'm so lonely. Thanks for the ear; I appreciate it
Isolation is so common when you are disabled. I've had depression sometimes because of this. I think helping people or even volunteering is a good solution. I'm learning also not to label myself to everyone as having CFS or talking to my friends about my CFS. It is best to leave that to a therapist or someone who understands.
I have a topic called fibromyalgia: the diet connection. It might help alieviate sum of ur pain hun, take care and greatest blessings *hugs*
I'm not in this situation, but I just wanted to ask, are you on a good pain management regimen? I mean without any good pain management, I can see life would be very hard! Maybe to get out there more and have a life you should try some things like water therapy, yoga or even just light stretching, change your diet, ect... I don't know if you are capable of even doing some of these things and of course it will be painful at first, but it's worth a try to feel better and have a better life. Just a thought. I too suffer from daily pain and right now I'm not even diagnosed. It's fustrating, I know!! Noone gets it! I have minimal pain management because they probably don't want me on anything strong until they really know what's going on. So I have slowed my intake of caffeine, i stretch and just do small things right now to start with to see if anything helps even a little. To me it's worth trying!
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