Why?

[MoesQueen]

Today I need encouragement, from those who know that fibromyalgia is not for the faint at heart, weak nor weary.
Yes, I could have wrote in my journal, but again I need to hear from you all!

So my question is...
Why do I have to deal with so much pain?

I mean it's constant pain! constant, constant pain!

Right now I can see no light! this tunnel is dark and long!

My face hurts,
My neck hurts,
My butt hurts,
My toes go numb, and my legs have something crawling inside them, I just know it!
My knees fell as though they have been broken,
I know that I've some how cracked my elbows,
My eyeballs hurt and are hot!
My spine will not stand up straight, it feels like its in two.
My muscles hurts,
Somethings in my back, perhaps an invisible large dull knife,
My hips seem to be out of place,
My fingers won't let me give them orders, they tell me what to do!
I have no apetite, why?
I confused,
To much noise, and to much light!

Is this necessary to go thru? If so why?

Wether I'm sitting, standing or laying down I'm drowing in a sea of pain!

I mean really! when does it end?
When do I get a break?

My mind is wondering again...
Fibromyalgia! Fibromyalgia! Fibromyalgia!

I just need a simple break, I want to live my life, I want to enjoy it all.
Spur of the moment ideals not plan 5 days in advance, only to leave behind the days of pacing myself to get the  benefit of my husbands call.

I know that there are no quick fixes,
Oh, my bad. There are no fixes at all. I just have to deal with this awful thing and ignore it all...


moesqueen

[emzthagem]

I am going to have my mom read what you have written, it will make her feel so much better, knowing she isnt the only one feeling the way you do. She has also recently put her on lyrica. I am her daughter and I take care of her. She has a few other problems as well as the fibromyalgia. It pains me to see her suffering so and I am limited in what I can do. Besides the fibrommyalgia she has TIA(mini-strokes) which werent diagnosed when they should have been her old doctors told her it was all fibro and it wasnt, plus she has arthritis, plus she has seizures. Her memory is shot I almost think that is the worst, her not remember much anymore. She is 60 and I am thinking she doesnt remember much of the last 30-35 years or so. She has pictures that we show her and have to explain to her what they are who they are and where it is it.

[LPCCSM]

I am a case worker for mental health and I have a husband that has Fibro. My husband is one of the strongest toughest men I have ever known. It makes me livid when doctors say that this is all in peoples heads. The only connection that I have made with the mental health profession is depression, but who would not be depressed when you have chronic pain! Working in the health profession I get a lot of doctors that just don't want to be bothered searching for an answer. You must educate yourself and be proactive with doctors about your health. Ask for what you need and if they say no request a specialist. There are specialist that work with Fibro patients. This is a disease that has many connections to immune system, nervous system, digestive system and muscular system. We need to continue to be proactive with our doctors and push them to not ignore symptoms. I have found a possible heritary connection within the blood with white blood cells that I am going to pursue with the doctors that I know. I wonder if the nerve cells in Fibro individuals have extra nerve endings. It seems that the body of a Fibro individual is always searching for the next spot in pain that might need its attention and then due to over reaction produces actual growths or problems. Other questions that I have relate to acidity due to stress, high cholestrol due to bad eating habits, digestive problems, viruses (strep, mono or other immune system viruses), sleep apnea reducing oxygen levels or genetic predisposition. The only thing that has taken the edge off for my husband is Lyrica, but he is still in chronic pain and we are looking into six months of Penicillin. Hang in there and get a good support system, and remember that even the best spouse/friend can be stupid at times and forget about the amount of pain you are in. May I just apologize for their ignorance right now.

[patsy10]

You describe what most of us feel here.  Just wanted to ask.  Have you been evaluated for lyme disease?  Your symptoms are consistent with this as well.  Many people are diagnosed with fibro and later find out they had lyme disease all along.

[MoesQueen]

thank you for your responses!
it's, in a wierd way nice to know others share your feelings. i know that sound bad! but you all know exactly what i mean...

i've posted here before, but for some reason i get few responses. so i thank you from the bottom of my heart...

just to update you all, i found out this past wednesday that i have a cracked rib.
nop! it's not spousal abuse, my husbands 6'6 and 350 i get rather tired pushing him around. LOL
just me being a victim of fms and loosing my balance and taking 3 falls down a flight of stairs to the kitchen.

LLWB, i'm going to take you up on contacting you, thank you for the offer that made me smile. by the way lyrica makes me sick to my stomach and causes some other serious annoying side effect for me oh! migraines.
but you keep doing what you have to to ride that horse!

big hug ((()))

nanaoz, one day we might have to jump out of a plane together. i'm sure that'll satisfy my wanting to throw myself out of a window when i'm going through a flare-up! LOL and i'll leave the sharks for you...

big hug ((()))

and Paboo, you are my hero...
how you didn't slap the **** out off foolish people and not go to jail not once but twice in one night is amazing! but, car can be replaced, so can idoit arrogant dr.'s.
i to do understand how God has blessed me, i see it every day. it was just that day, i felt as though i could only see pain, pain and did i say pain!

a big hug to you also ((()))

much love
moesqueen

[Paboo]

My darling, I could not have said it any better!  I have told friends at times that my toenails hurt, my hair follicles hurt, my nose hair hurts, and on and on!  It is just so intense at times.  

But, all we with Fibromyalgia can stop worrying!  My husband and me were in a "fender bender" (which totaled my car!), but none the less, a fender bender, Friday night.  Hit by a girl and her boyfriend who were so drugged they could not walk, much less drive.  Anyway, the impact was bad enough that my husband, me and 2 yr old Grandson went to the hospital ER to be checked and XRayed.  Good ole doc comes out and gives us the news about our necks and backs.  He then turns to me and proceeds to tell me that science has proven that Fibromyalgia is all in the heads of the people who say that they have it!  I immediately saw stars.  Here was this young, arrogant, 29-30 yr old, telling me that the pain I experience on a second by second basis is all in my head, but then went on to say that the only treatment for Fibro is exercise and Lyrica!?!?!?  So, I say, if it is all in our head, why do we have treatment for it???!!!  I'm like "what studies have YOU been involved in"???  The one I just participated in did not mention ANYTHING like that to me!  

Having said all of that, I understand completely what you are going through.  I still live my life to the fullest on the days that I can, and on the days that I can't....well, I do the best I can.  God has blessed my life in so many ways that I try not to dwell on the thorn!  Sometimes it is hard though.  I want to give in.  

Sending you a soft hug and praying for you today. . .

[nanaoz]

I like that bit about "pacing myself to get the benefit of my husbands call"
That sums up my life as well.

But like LLWB I take risks now as long as its worth the flare-ups.  I am 54 this year but on my 50th I did a Tandem parachute jump.  Well it was fantastic and I thought I had done sooooooo well.  Until 3 days later and I ended up with my lung muscles going into spasm and ended up in hospital having an injection of muscle relaxsent. ( sorry can't spell) I will never regret the moment I fell out of that plane as long as I live.  I now hope to swim with sharks very soon.  What's the worst that can happen other than be eaten; pain, pain, pain.  'O' surprise, surprise I think I can just about cope with that one.  The best thing are the memories and that Fibro did not beat me.  I also send gentle hugs to you.

[LLWB]

You just described fibro to a T ! How long has this flare been going on. I reached the end of my rope in Jan. I truly thought I couldn't take it any more, but as you can see I'm still here. I think I hate the "fog" the worst, or maybe the pain, or maybe...fill in wht you like. Fibro sucks. That said, in Jan my dr started me on Lyrica. Low dose at first, and I have now built up to 300mg a day, split in two doses. It has helped me a great deal, if someone would just take that knife out of my back!. But it truly has helped me a great deal. The only side effect it has had that I have trouble coping with is the increase in appetite, especially carbs.Pasta, potatoes, German Chocolate cake.  Have you tried it? My dr gave me samples to start out on to see if it worked for me, so that I didn't have the expense of a perscription wasted if it didn't. I think one of the biggest things I have had to learn is to balance what I want to do vs how it will affect me 1-2 days later. If I think it's worth the flare-up, I do it. I'm tired of putting my life on hold just to exist. I'm planning on a horseback ride along the ocean this summer.....I know I'll pay for it, but to me it will be worth it. I hope some of this makes sense to you. If you would like to talk more or have questions pleae leave me a message. I've had fibro for 15 or so years, so have comes to terms somewhat with it. I hate it, but it's here to stay.. I hope you are feeling better, gentle hugs,  Maggie