Please,anyone,just need to vent n need a friend right now :(

[Babygurly22]

Hi, so as the title says just need a friend or just to vent. If any of u can relate to even if you dont want to talk to me feel free to leave a comment with ur experience and how ur doing now.so basically my fiance (been with 5yrs n engaged 2yrs)and i got into a huge fight tonight. Ive mever seen him that angry n he actially scared me.it started over something that was stupid and should have never been an argument in the first place and then it went into stuff that i didnt even know he was ever upset about n he started screming at me n smashing his fist on the counter.before i tell you what it was let me say that the past year has been very hard on me,idk about him with some stuff thataffected me bc idk if it did and also part of the prob and why idk if it did affect him is bc he one of those "manly men", no offense guys but one of those who wont tell u when he upset he will keep it in, or atleast most stuff even when u sit there a million times and try n talk to him but he doesnt want to talk.ok so over the past year, he wound up in the hospital due to kidney failure(obviously affected both of us)he was in for 3 months.last april,i drop out if beauty school to be there for him bc they didnt think he was gonna make it,i was supposed to go back in october but i had decided that i wasnt happy doing hair for a living.i would like to become a nail tech and a bartender part time.we also been trying to move in together but between him not working from hospital,me not working when in school, and other stuff we havent been able to.i had been working but some stuff happened etc.i havent been able to find a job for several months and its not like im sitting on my ***,ive applied to hundreds n yes i mean lost count in the hundreds of jobs.ny state isnt a great place to fid a job right now.he always tells me bc i feel bad about it,dont worry about it,i understand its not ur fault etc so i figured obviously hes not mad n understands.as were were arguing he started saying some very hurtful things,i need to grow up n ill learn on my own and that if i want to move in with him i need to prove to him that i can be independent.as i said its not like im sitting on my *** or not trying.if theres no jobs for me then what the hell am i supposed to do,pull a job out of my ***?!?!so that really hurt and also after 5yrs hes telling me i have to prove that to him if i want to move in together when weve been together that long n been trying for a baby over a year,oh and thats another thing thats been upsetting is problems with my ovaries and been trying a year for baby but nothing yet.now weve broken up in the past n he texted me a little while ago saying honestly i think its best i be alone so o tected him back a few times saying that i was sorry n i truly didnt know he was thats upset bc he never said anything and ive tried to talk to him n he never wants to and i would never purposly hurt him or upset him.if i didnt want to be with him i wouldnt atill b here after 5yrs so wtf?!?! I told him also tomorrow im calling the local temp agency again to see if they have anything fir me yet.he never texted me back.the last time we broke up it was a big fight n he said the same thing but we were back together the next day.so idk whats going on right now as he never texted me back after i apologized and everything.but as i said i truly needed to vent n talk to someone :'( im truly hurting right now n been crying for almost 3 hours now n cant stop :'( sorry its so long and i know im orobaly forgetting somethibg but sorry again but thanks for reading.

[jemma116]

Well done you for getting on with what you want to do.

I agree with you about not texting him all the time.
You have text him, so now wait for his response.

Best wishes.

[Babygurly22]

Thanks guys. A really good friend of mine who i went to beauty school with is letting me watch her kids. Its not much money but im also waiting for the temp agency to call me and...i sarted my bartending courses tonight. Its only 40 hours and i should be done and have my certification in a week and start looking for a bartender job. Other then that as i said before idk right now. I did text him and let him know about the job, the temp agency and that i started the course and will begin looking in a week for that job. He hasnt texted me back but im not going to be pushy and keep texting him. It upsets me even more if i text him again n he doesnt text nack so im leaving it for rifht now and just trying to have faith that we will be able to work everything out.

[jemma116]

Your fiancé has had kidney failure last year.  Although he has a job now and is doing well, it may be that the thought of him getting ill again if you are both together is going to be tough on you.  If you were to marry and he became ill and could not work, he knows that it would be hard on you and I feel this is why he is "pushing you away" so that you can depend on yourself and not rely on him, should his health deteriorate again.

It may be also that he still has a kidney problem, but does not want to burden you with his ill health.  He may also be angry with himself for the fact that you left your college course to look after him and have now hampered your prospects of a career.

Give him the space he has asked for and get on with what you want to do.
If he will not answer your texts or phone calls, write him a letter explaining how you still feel about him.  Then leave things in his "court" and pick up yourself up and go back to college.

Best wishes

[silverfox67]

It sounds to me like he's sick again and doesn't want you to know.  Like he's hiding his pain and worry from you.  Men get angry when they can't fix things and very frustrated.  Unfortunately, they take it out on the nearest person - and usually the one they love most.  The frustration and anger at their body and illness is beyond what they can bear.  Knowing he might not be there for you because he's headed for the hospital again or at least a doctor... that can be unbearable for him. -  When you do speak to him, be calm, tell him you're sorry that he's not feeling well... not that you did anything.... be soothing and ask him if he's in pain or sick again.  That you'll be by his side whatever happens and that you love him that much.  -
        I'm sorry that my first comments were so rough - it's just that I've been abused and I come to the rescue when someone is being mistreated.  Strong sense of justice, I guess.  - I certainly hope that things get better for both of you. - Since this is the first time he ever yelled at you, it's out of character for him and there is probably something very wrong.  

[Babygurly22]

@silverfox, idk i really wish i did but i dont. Please read the following comment, i really do appreciate u answering me as well as everyone else. Thank u so much.

Thank you so much everyone for ur answers, you truly dont know how much i appreciate it and it did make me feel better. As of right now i honestly dont know what to do or what im going to do. I feel like i should give him some space and let him think about thing but at the same time, being together 5yrs and if not seeing eachother everyday,talkong on the phone everyday, it kills me to not be able to talk to him or even think about not talkong to him. When i say i never meant to upset him n if i knew he was that upset if he would have just talked to me the god knows how many time i tried to talk to him i would have tried even harder to figure things out and fix them but i had no idea and he didnt even give the slightest hint. Hes mever like this and in the 5yrs we been together ive never heard him yell at me like that or get that angry. I feel horrible but as i said i truly truly truly did not know he felt that way. If he would have just talked to me it could have been sqwashed a long time ago. I think i will give him a few days n see what happens and see if he comes around. If he doesnt its gonna kill me, i love him so much and i didnt put the last 5yrs of my life into being with him for nothing. And if he doesnt and can walk away that easily than that basically says he never really loved me the way i thought he did :'( ive been crying non stop i cant help it. I miss him so much n i love him so much. Ill keep all of u posted with whats going on and as i said u truly have no clue how much ur comments help and make me feel and how much it means to me that someone actually took the time to read my post and leave a comment for me. Thanks you so muchz

[silverfox67]

Wonder if he's in pain again and just can't handle it.  Men don't act like women... they hide their pain and problems until they can't deal.  They feel like they have to "man up" when things go wrong.  Sorry this is happening right now.  I do hope things get better.

[Babygurly22]

@blucrystal, idk about friend that would listen to him. I know they would but he doesnt talk to anyone and as i said to silverfoxs comment above im so confused as its been fine n he was fine like 15 minutes before that so wtf. Im so hurt n confused n just want to fix things but he hasnt texted me back. I texted him at 12:30 last night apologizing and everything but no response. Im heartbroken at this point n after 5yrs its truly not easy to let go like a lot of people say it is. Hes my world. I sat there for 3 months watchong him basically die in a hospital bed and luckily he came around but now this. It would kill me if we couldnt fix things :(

Thank you guys so mch for ur input though i truly appreciate it more than u know and as i said i just needed to vent and talk to someone so thank u so much <3

[Babygurly22]

@silverfox, no he is working now, he makes extremely good money. He wasnt working last year bc of his kidneys. But when i tell u he has never acted like that he never has, not even close which is y im so upset and also bc hes always telling me its fine he understands and i sont need to work bc he makes more then enough and a few days ago he was saying it was fine so im really hurt and confused as im not understanding where this is coming from, like wtf?! Two days ago u were fine with it n comforting me bc i feel horrible i havent been able to find one n telling me that u understand n not to worry and now this :'( im so confused

[BluCrystal]

Aaawww!  I am sorry to hear you are having so much trouble right now.  Maybe he just needs a bit of time alone to think things through.  Does he have a guy friend who would listen to him?  That would be best.  and same goes for you... a girl buddy you can hang with and relax, maybe get some of this off your chest, go play a game of pool or lay out in the sun.  I know things will work out according to God's plan (sorry if you don't do the God thing... that's just me).  Just be patient, and he will come around.  Blessings - Blu

[silverfox67]

Sweetheart, nobody deserves to be treated like a doormat.  I was married twice to abusive men - and your boyfriend sounds like he could abuse you.  Maybe not hit you, but emotional abuse is still abuse.  I know you love him because you've stayed with him so long.  But, you don't need to put up with his behavior.  Both of you aren't working, so finance is a big problem.  And yes, there aren't many jobs to be had in the job market today.  And the situation seems to be getting worse instead of better. - The only place I know that is hiring at present is the FMI mine in Morenci, AZ.  But, I don't know where you live and if it's feasible.  -  Please pick up the pieces of your heart and be thankful that he is cutting you loose. -