First step is to find a doctor that is sensitive to your anxiety. There are MANY birth books out there that are specifically for rape/molestation victims. It is a very, very serious thing and you have the right to be respected and heard. "Birth rape" is not something we hear or acknowledge very often but it is also a very, very real thing. If someone is arrested for touching you inappropriately how is a medical professional allowed to touch you when you deny them?
So once you find that doctor or midwife who respects you as a victim or assault and you express your desire to not have cervical exams they HAVE to respect that. I know doctors are more pro-exams but I know of many midwives who will go an entire pregnancy and labor without ever checking on mom.
Also if you do get an epidural they will have to check for dilation to see how far along you are. And yes, your significant other can hold you while they put it in. You'll sit on the edge of the bed and roll your back. You can lean into your partner.
*victim of assault (not victim or assault)