You are stressing over nothing.
Penile anal penetration is something you would definitely remember.
It appears as if you were "playing " around!
You appear to have issues with alcohol abuse...you need to seriously deal with it. I cannot add anything NG told you.
I read your original post and it is highly unlikely you were penetrated, actually it is virtually impossible.
Thank you for everything you said. You are completely right.. My relationship with alcohol is definitely a problem here. I have been trying to get help, I have a counselor. And I must admit, I've been in and out of the hospital/mental health unit over the last year or so.
I have made progress, but this event set me back a bit.
I know it's most likely paranoia and anxiety talking..
And I know you don't want to give me any more reassurance.
I just feel lonely and scared that someone penetrated me that night, despite what they said about it. I wasn't black out drunk,
So I probably haven't had a hiv risk right? Can I just put this behind me and not worry?
That's why you should never give risk assessments.
wow - what a thoughtful, articulate and intelligent response. Plainly coming from an empathetic and caring place.
My only addition would be - even if risk in the situation described above is minimal or hypothetical - if anyone I knew had a sexual encounter with partners that are not long-term, monogamous, etc. (i.e., with individuals with unknown hiv status to you) where they blacked out -- even if it is and was highly unlikely that penetration occurred, I would absolutely recommend that they get tested - for peace of mind if nothing more.
But agree completely that the behavior at issue is far more of a problem than any risk of hiv exposure. Best of luck to this individual with tackling alcohol problems, relationship to sex, etc.
You have a long history of significant HIV anxiety. Look through your posts and see how much of your life you've wasted fretting over the "what if situations".
You need to do a few things asap...
ONE concentrate on sticking with the mental health treatment to work on your anxiety. You need more than an occasional therapy session. You did seek some help, but didn't put a whole lot of effort into it. You cannot expect to see significant, long lasting success like that. You need ongoing intensive psychotherapy and/or CBT ( cognitive behavioral therapy) and probably medications to help control the symptoms while you work with your therapist.
TWO....quit putting yourself in situations were you're going to be anxious. Lay off the alcohol. That should be a HUGE priority as alcohol is the very worst thing you could be partaking in, for the obvious reasons like this situation, and because alcohol fuels anxiety terribly. I've already told you that though. This isn't the first time you've done something questionable or regrettable when drunk.
While you're SO anxious about HIV and are extra cautious to protect yourself generally speaking, you're very careless when it comes to drinking and sex. That doesn't make sense, does it? You're just throwing yourself into the fire pretty much, to either TRULY have a risk (as 99% of your "what ifs" were no risk at all) or to worry yourself to death about what happened when you were too drunk to remember.
Your friends aren't going to lie to you. Most likely, it happened exactly like you remembered it. Don't start "what iffing" it. Dismiss it and let it go. Shut your computer off and get busy with life.
I would strongly recommend getting your head straight and abstaining from alcohol AND sexual encounters completely until you get your anxiety to a more manageable level.
You've been on this forum and the expert forum enough to 100% know what our answers are going to be. The continued seeking of reassurance is another anxiety thing that will only make the anxiety worse.
Stop the madness and get off the merry-go-round...get yourself some real help, and do some work on your anxiety.
Good luck.
I just remember some action going on back there.. But they both said it didn't happen, and I probably would have known. So I'm golden right?
You'd have to be passed out on roofies to not know you got anal penetarted.
I mean, I doubt I would confuse the anal play for penetration.. And I wouldn't be questioning it if it really did happen right?
Yes you would have remembered.