Aa
Married and scared
I've been happily married to a wonderful woman for 3 years and have never, ever cheated on my wife. Before we were married, I had (during college) experimented with a few guys but have always engaged in safe sex. I identify as straight. Before we started seriously dating, I had a full STD panel, including HIV, all negative and have never had another potential risk since then.
Until last week. Long story short: On Monday I was traveling on business and a guy started coming on to me. It had been a long time since I'd done anything with a guy, had had a few beers, and ended up giving him oral for about 10-15 minutes. He never came, but there was probably some precum. I asked his HIV status before we started and he said he tested negative "like a month ago". Anyways, I didn't enjoy it at all and ended it before he came. I was reminded that my "curiosity" for men had only been that, and that I really don't enjoy M2M sex of any kind.
I'm now terrified that I'm infected with HIV. Not just for my sake but I'm just petrified I could infect my wife. What's killing me is that being upfront about this encounter would cause me to lose my wife's trust forever and I know it was one stupid mistake that I won't do again. However, if I put on a condom she'll know that I think I'm infected.
How likely is it that I could have been infected with HIV? How long do I need to wait until I can get a test and resume having unprotected sex with my wife?
Thanks so much for your understanding; I'm just so scared..
Until last week. Long story short: On Monday I was traveling on business and a guy started coming on to me. It had been a long time since I'd done anything with a guy, had had a few beers, and ended up giving him oral for about 10-15 minutes. He never came, but there was probably some precum. I asked his HIV status before we started and he said he tested negative "like a month ago". Anyways, I didn't enjoy it at all and ended it before he came. I was reminded that my "curiosity" for men had only been that, and that I really don't enjoy M2M sex of any kind.
I'm now terrified that I'm infected with HIV. Not just for my sake but I'm just petrified I could infect my wife. What's killing me is that being upfront about this encounter would cause me to lose my wife's trust forever and I know it was one stupid mistake that I won't do again. However, if I put on a condom she'll know that I think I'm infected.
How likely is it that I could have been infected with HIV? How long do I need to wait until I can get a test and resume having unprotected sex with my wife?
Thanks so much for your understanding; I'm just so scared..
You had no risk of HIV because you can't get HIV from oral activities. You were so safe that you don't need to test.
HIV is instantly inactivated in air and also in saliva which means it is effectively dead so it can't infect from oral activities. It doesn't matter if you and they were actively bleeding or had cuts at the time either because the HIV is effectively dead.
Only adult risks are unprotected penetrating vaginal or anal sex or sharing needles that you inject with but you didn't do that so you had no risk. This sentence is all you need to know to protect yourself against HIV.
Even with blood, lactation, cuts, rashes, burns, etc the air or saliva does not allow inactivated virus to infect from oral activities. The above HIV science is 40 years old and very well established so nothing you can add will make your situation a risk.
No one got HIV from oral in 40 years of HIV history, so likely no one will in the next 40 years of your life either.
If you still have guilt and plan on being upfront with her, it will have huge repercussions, so think them through thoroughly, because each of you has everything to lose and imo nothing to gain.
HIV is instantly inactivated in air and also in saliva which means it is effectively dead so it can't infect from oral activities. It doesn't matter if you and they were actively bleeding or had cuts at the time either because the HIV is effectively dead.
Only adult risks are unprotected penetrating vaginal or anal sex or sharing needles that you inject with but you didn't do that so you had no risk. This sentence is all you need to know to protect yourself against HIV.
Even with blood, lactation, cuts, rashes, burns, etc the air or saliva does not allow inactivated virus to infect from oral activities. The above HIV science is 40 years old and very well established so nothing you can add will make your situation a risk.
No one got HIV from oral in 40 years of HIV history, so likely no one will in the next 40 years of your life either.
If you still have guilt and plan on being upfront with her, it will have huge repercussions, so think them through thoroughly, because each of you has everything to lose and imo nothing to gain.
1 Comments
Thanks for your quick, thoughtful and reassuring answer!
I've learned from the emotional abuse I'm going through and would prefer to move on. However, if there was a risk of infection (even slight), I'd need testing, to avoid unprotected sex and disclose this encounter. Our relationsihp would never be the same, and I truly have learned my lesson here.
Would you advise to not worry and to simply move on?
I've learned from the emotional abuse I'm going through and would prefer to move on. However, if there was a risk of infection (even slight), I'd need testing, to avoid unprotected sex and disclose this encounter. Our relationsihp would never be the same, and I truly have learned my lesson here.
Would you advise to not worry and to simply move on?
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the HIV Prevention Community
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.
Can I get HIV from surfaces, like toilet seats?
Can you get HIV from casual contact, like hugging?
Frequency of HIV testing depends on your risk.
Post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) may help prevent HIV infection.
