Aa
Scared by potential HIV infection.
Well recently i engaged in some pretty silly behaviour, having intimate relations with someone i didnt know. Pretty much a one night stand. Before anything happened i asked him upfront if he was carrying anything. He replied yes, but then laughed it off as a joke, and then repeatedly said no, no, nothing to worry about. Seemed wierd, STDS arent exactly joke material.
Well i shrugged that off, went back to his place we took it pretty quick, i performed oral sex on him for lengthy periods of time, and then engaged in toher forms of sexual contact. When it came around to actual penetration, we attempted with a condom him penetrating me but it didnt/wouldnt work for whatever reason (blood circulation, guilt etc). Since that didnt work, and i refused to be penetrated by a protected penis, he proceeded to penetrate me with his fingers, and perform a rim job. At this point i dont know if he penetrated me with his penis or not either bc he was in such a position and it was dark that i could not tell. I dont think so but i wouldnt be shocked, only horrified.
Anyway this went on for awhile, he did not ejaculate in my mouth although i think or specualte that some of his pre-*** did.
After, things finished he went off and took a shower, i was left alone wiht my thoughts where i started coming to a conclusion about him and possibly carrying something. In fact i was sure about it. I questioned him repeatedly to which he repeatedly denied. Eventually though, after persistent interrogation he let me know that he had something. To which i was scared to know what it was. He asked me if i wanted to know what it was, letting me know that it was nothing serious. i said yes bc it was freaking me out. He let me know that he was HIV positive.
It was 2am in the morning and there was no real way to return to my home as i lived 2 hrs away, so i was stuck awake all night worrying about being HIV positive.
However the next morning i went to a library started reading up on HIV contraction and what measures can be taken.Which is where i learned about PEP, something that could potentially save my life. I also stopped off at an aids network, which rushed me to the Merg clinic got me a starter prescription of combivir and Kaletra which i proceeded to take fairly steadily for 28 days (my timing was slightly off for some dosages and i think i missed my medication twice near the end of the prescription).
I also called him up and asked him more questions about his HIV status, his viral load, which was undectable and something about a count which is according to him at 800 (although i cant remember what he was referring to)
I guess what i am leading up to here, is can anyone feel my stress and anxiety and let me know that everything will hopefully be ok. I am 21, i am going off to university as of september, im having a really hard time dealing with this i dont know how i am going to go to the clinic once those three months expire, i am constantly wondering, what my status is, i am so stressed and i dont feel like i can talk to my friends or family about it due to the stigma attached.
Even though my doctors have all assured me that my chances are relatively low (apprently extremely low), i am still very upset and have hard time sleeping. Some reassurance from a doctor might even help.
PS ive looked at some of the symptoms that are involved with HIV contraction and i dont feel like i have many or any of them, mayb with the exception of a little glan swollen but i also started smoking again so maybe this goes hand and hand???
Well i shrugged that off, went back to his place we took it pretty quick, i performed oral sex on him for lengthy periods of time, and then engaged in toher forms of sexual contact. When it came around to actual penetration, we attempted with a condom him penetrating me but it didnt/wouldnt work for whatever reason (blood circulation, guilt etc). Since that didnt work, and i refused to be penetrated by a protected penis, he proceeded to penetrate me with his fingers, and perform a rim job. At this point i dont know if he penetrated me with his penis or not either bc he was in such a position and it was dark that i could not tell. I dont think so but i wouldnt be shocked, only horrified.
Anyway this went on for awhile, he did not ejaculate in my mouth although i think or specualte that some of his pre-*** did.
After, things finished he went off and took a shower, i was left alone wiht my thoughts where i started coming to a conclusion about him and possibly carrying something. In fact i was sure about it. I questioned him repeatedly to which he repeatedly denied. Eventually though, after persistent interrogation he let me know that he had something. To which i was scared to know what it was. He asked me if i wanted to know what it was, letting me know that it was nothing serious. i said yes bc it was freaking me out. He let me know that he was HIV positive.
It was 2am in the morning and there was no real way to return to my home as i lived 2 hrs away, so i was stuck awake all night worrying about being HIV positive.
However the next morning i went to a library started reading up on HIV contraction and what measures can be taken.Which is where i learned about PEP, something that could potentially save my life. I also stopped off at an aids network, which rushed me to the Merg clinic got me a starter prescription of combivir and Kaletra which i proceeded to take fairly steadily for 28 days (my timing was slightly off for some dosages and i think i missed my medication twice near the end of the prescription).
I also called him up and asked him more questions about his HIV status, his viral load, which was undectable and something about a count which is according to him at 800 (although i cant remember what he was referring to)
I guess what i am leading up to here, is can anyone feel my stress and anxiety and let me know that everything will hopefully be ok. I am 21, i am going off to university as of september, im having a really hard time dealing with this i dont know how i am going to go to the clinic once those three months expire, i am constantly wondering, what my status is, i am so stressed and i dont feel like i can talk to my friends or family about it due to the stigma attached.
Even though my doctors have all assured me that my chances are relatively low (apprently extremely low), i am still very upset and have hard time sleeping. Some reassurance from a doctor might even help.
PS ive looked at some of the symptoms that are involved with HIV contraction and i dont feel like i have many or any of them, mayb with the exception of a little glan swollen but i also started smoking again so maybe this goes hand and hand???
Hey I totally feel for ya. Thats why I say you cant trust anyone unless you now them really well or see their results on paper. Some guys dont care about people and will do ANYTHING to get sexual pleasure, your very fortunate you didnt have unprotected sex with him. Thats good because as you have read already, oral sex is extremly low risk. That guy is evil and deserves to go to jail whether you get it or not. He pretty much in a way put your life at risk. What an *******. Dont worry youl test negative and 6 weeks should be plenty of time.
Oh, and choose your partners better. This guy is an ******* and deserves to rot in hell, or in a jail cell.
Oral is very low risk and you started PEP at once. So you should be fine. On the other hand, I really think you would have noticed if he ****** you or not. Fingers feel pretty different than a penis up your ***!!
Josh
I pray for you and you would be alright. hold strong I know its really hard to do but i also know that we are humans and despite trying our best give up to certain situations.
May God bless you.
I pray for you and you would be alright. hold strong I know its really hard to do but i also know that we are humans and despite trying our best give up to certain situations.
May God bless you.
thankyou once again for your confidence building words. Im not an island and every so often i need someone like you to help me feign off paranoia, anxiety, stress, and mostly self-doubt.
I have decided that i am going to get a blood test done on the 29th. By that time, 6 weeks will have passed from July the 16th which is the date when this all transpired! I think our beloved forum doctor stated that 6wk tests have 95% accuracy, while not a 100%, should be very reassuring.
I have decided that i am going to get a blood test done on the 29th. By that time, 6 weeks will have passed from July the 16th which is the date when this all transpired! I think our beloved forum doctor stated that 6wk tests have 95% accuracy, while not a 100%, should be very reassuring.
thanks for ur interest regularjoey and fast response. IN specific response to ur original response, believe me i have learned from this experience. A lot of people say that they learn from things and then go onto re-experience the same horrifying things in different ways. Maybe im the same. I dont know. A part of me wants to see him again, a part of me wants him to come to the doctors with me on August 29th (WED of this week), a part of me wants to hug him and say i feel ur pain but why did you have to try and complicate my life? If i ever contract HIV, i would be so horrified to put someone at risk that i KNOW that i could not engage in sexual relations with someone who didnt have HIV. I would never want to drag someones lfie down like he has mine.
Additionally, i am concerned with the number of other fellows that he has said he has been involved with and not told his status to (either until after or never at all). He said that he has never gotten any backlash or feedback from previous partners about being infected.
I dont know if he is a liar or not though, so im interested in bringing him to my doctor to see if my doctor would do a viral load test on him.
Additionally, i wanted to ask, because i was sick at the time of our interaction (i had a cold), am i more receptive to the virus? IM guessing that this would be the case since my immune system is lowered and the virus has a more probable chance of penetrating my system if fluids were passed through.
just some considerations.
Additionally, i am concerned with the number of other fellows that he has said he has been involved with and not told his status to (either until after or never at all). He said that he has never gotten any backlash or feedback from previous partners about being infected.
I dont know if he is a liar or not though, so im interested in bringing him to my doctor to see if my doctor would do a viral load test on him.
Additionally, i wanted to ask, because i was sick at the time of our interaction (i had a cold), am i more receptive to the virus? IM guessing that this would be the case since my immune system is lowered and the virus has a more probable chance of penetrating my system if fluids were passed through.
just some considerations.
Yes, and by the way, he should have informed you of his status regardless of the level of risk. The law on this may differ from state to state, but you can probably charge him if you wanted to. In some places this qualifies as an "assault with a deadly weapon" or "attempted murder" - from what I heard.
High viral load makes HIV transmission more likely, for obvious reasons. But your risk was so low that it wouldn't matter even if his viral load was in the millions.
HIV isn't an easy virus to transmit. Even if you had sex with him, chances would still be in your favor for not getting the virus from a one-time encounter.
Your risk was really low. You might need to start thinking about the negative test that you are going to get when you test anytime after three months from this situation. That could make you feel better.
Good Luck
R.J
thanks for the reassuring words.
Ive learned that when it comes to HIV, rationality does not even work. I think back on the number of times i performed fellatio on him, or when he was behind me penetrating me with his fingers, and i just shudder. I know because he didnt ejaculate in my mouth that my chances are less, but i cant even get over the fact that such a small change in what we did could result (and might still) in me having a life ending illness.
Not only that, the fact that he lied to me, straight faced, before anything happened. I feel so dirty. Almost like i had just been raped. I wouldnt have engaged in anything i did, or at least i would have had all the information to work with if he had JUST TOLD ME INSTEAD OF LYING TO ME.
I asked around the legalities of this, and apparently because we engaged in low risk behaviour there are no grounds for charging him, despite the fact that he lied to me repeatedly. How can you decide if you want to engage in such acts if someone hides their identity???? ****.
And yes i did insist on a condom, and yes he did try and **** me but it didnt work for whatever reason....im pretty sure it was his conscience. or may gods intervention. I dont know. I still feel like i might be HIV positive.
What does the cp4 count mean? His was 800 and something. And his viral load, what does that have to do with possible contraction? Do i trust his word about that or do i call him up and bring him to a doctor so we can find that out for sure?
Idont even know.
Ive learned that when it comes to HIV, rationality does not even work. I think back on the number of times i performed fellatio on him, or when he was behind me penetrating me with his fingers, and i just shudder. I know because he didnt ejaculate in my mouth that my chances are less, but i cant even get over the fact that such a small change in what we did could result (and might still) in me having a life ending illness.
Not only that, the fact that he lied to me, straight faced, before anything happened. I feel so dirty. Almost like i had just been raped. I wouldnt have engaged in anything i did, or at least i would have had all the information to work with if he had JUST TOLD ME INSTEAD OF LYING TO ME.
I asked around the legalities of this, and apparently because we engaged in low risk behaviour there are no grounds for charging him, despite the fact that he lied to me repeatedly. How can you decide if you want to engage in such acts if someone hides their identity???? ****.
And yes i did insist on a condom, and yes he did try and **** me but it didnt work for whatever reason....im pretty sure it was his conscience. or may gods intervention. I dont know. I still feel like i might be HIV positive.
What does the cp4 count mean? His was 800 and something. And his viral load, what does that have to do with possible contraction? Do i trust his word about that or do i call him up and bring him to a doctor so we can find that out for sure?
Idont even know.
You were not at risk and make sure you always use water base lube.
Now,....HEAR THIS.. (OR READ IT):
LEARN FROM THIS LESSON.....PLEASE!!
You are young and ALWAYS.....I repeat ...ALWAYS PROTECT YOURSELF FROM NOW ON.
USE CONDOMS. You will be just fine from this sexperience.....but learn NOW.
You will test negative.
Best Wishes and STAY SAFE.
Brian
LEARN FROM THIS LESSON.....PLEASE!!
You are young and ALWAYS.....I repeat ...ALWAYS PROTECT YOURSELF FROM NOW ON.
USE CONDOMS. You will be just fine from this sexperience.....but learn NOW.
You will test negative.
Best Wishes and STAY SAFE.
Brian
I agree with your doctors, there is nothing for you to worry about. In fact, I would have advised you not to take PEP for this.
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