I'm not getting into your sex life as that is your business but wearing condoms prevents HIV. That's a fact. Use them every time and you are being safe. The only way adults get HIV is from unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse or sharing IV drug needles. Condoms can break but that a very low risk if that happens. A one time anal sex exposure or vaginal sex exposure is LESS THAN 2 percent. So, if you had worst case scenario of a condom breaking, the risk would still be low. You'd have to test but would be very unlikely to get HIV from it. So, you should be able to have sex with condoms and not worry about HIV.
First, you seem to have developed an unhealthy view of sex. Yeah, it's really nice to do, but you won't die if you don't do it with people who might be risky to do it with. But when you do it, you have to take the precautions that are available. Condoms will protect you if you use them correctly. Knowing your partner gives you some level of protection, and if you have a regular partner, both of you getting tested before having sex will offer further protection. But the only 100% way to avoid risk in this life is -- wait, there isn't a way to do that. A meteor could hit your house. You could get hit by a bus. You can trip on your shoelaces. Life will never be 100% safe. You do the best you can, and the rest is an anxiety problem, not a health problem.