I’m tired of this, please help

[Amerabdul541]

So I just got off the phone with the hotline. And there telling me that I could be at risk receiving oral sex. Why is everyone’s stance different? It’s so frustrating and it makes people put themselves at risk because people will say that’s a very low risk scenario. Nobody wants any risk scenario at all and it drives me crazy. 35 days ago I received oral from another guy. He didnt have any cuts in his mouth bc I believe I would have felt them as I stuck my fingers in his mouth for that reason. 2 weeks after the scenario we both went to quest together and got tested. Our results came in at the exact same time neg. But the hotline told me that even though we tested negative he could be in the window period. So I guess my question is if he had such a high enough vl to infect me when he was giving me oral. How could it just drop and there be no antibody detected. I want to put this behind me but it’s so got damn hard. As far as symptoms, I’ve been having 5/10 pain bearable in my lower abdominal area. The left side of my testicle is slightly swollen. And it’s very discomforting. My groin area is constantly twitching. I’m losing it all over again and it’s just not fair when everywhere online says no reported cases but then there’s some people that will tell you low risk which makes everyone in this situation go up in shambles. I got tested today just cuz i can’t feel like this anymore with a 4th generation and rna test. The 4th generation is supposed to result in tomorrow. What are my chances here. I’ve vowed if I get out of this situation I’ll never even receive oral sex from another a guy again. So that should tell u good and well I don’t go down or do any types of anal. Why is this so got damn complicated. I just want my life back.

[Emily_MHManager]

Counseling is a fantastic idea, and we say that with compassion, not criticism. Your mental health is as important as your physical health.

Your questions have been answered, so we are going to close this thread.

[Amerabdul541]

Thank you guys. I guess I just haven’t been the same since my high risk exposure of unprotected receptive anal last year. With a guy who tested positive via oraquick right in front of me. That was in April of last year and it was a really traumatic experience and it messed up every act of sex for me. Next thing you know I’ll be on here asking if kissing transmits the virus. I mean i guess I probably need counseling to get over all this. It’s been a rough year sorry to be a trouble asking the same questions. Just want my life back. I’m calmer now but I still have to wait but you know how it goes.

[mike_no]

You're more likely to die falling off your chair while reading this post than contracting HIV from oral sex.

It's not going to happen. Testing wasn't necessary.

[Amerabdul541]

Thank you both for that, I guess just being told very low risk all you hear is the “risk”part and it just makes you frantic. It’s very frustrating how not everyone has the same stance because I would not have went out and did wat I did if it was globally considered a low risk event. I don’t like risks and I won’t even be doing this again just for safety. Well I still have to wait for my results to come in tomorrow I will be sure to post for other worried wells. You guys managed to take a lot of my anxiety down. Thank you for that now I’m just stressing a little less keeping my fingers crossed and waiting for my results. You both have a blessed night.

[AnxiousNoMore]

Your result proves nothing for other people. If oral was a risk and you tested negative that proves nothing since you dont get hiv every time you have sex with someone who is positive. You might consider therapy instead of spending money worrying about catching hiv when it can't happen - you don't test for E Coli after every burger or body scan for cancer daily although those health issues can and do happen to be risks for anyone so your perspective is out of balance when you become obsessed with a disease you can't have.

[Chima7]

If you're tired of it then you can stop obsessing about it at any time. No one is making you do that, you're doing it to yourself. No true expert in HIV research would tell you that you had a risk. But plenty of posers who literally have no clue what they're talking about would tell you that you had a risk. Are you going to believe an expert or are you going to believe some random person on a hotline that is probably playing Candy Crush while talking to you on the phone?

[Amerabdul541]

I also had the rapid insti test this weekend at 32 days negative. Is that even a good indicator?

[AnxiousNoMore]

Since it is zero risk, you are negative. The first step to peace is to stop googling for death cold turkey since you aren't a medical professional so will just end up scaring yourself every time you read some stranger tell you that you can get hiv. Also stop examining your body cold turkey too because you are not a medical professional so you are wasting your time trying to self diagnose hiv.
We rely on the opinion of expert doctors so do not keep track of or follow any of the sites that people locate, otherwise we will be here all night arguing with them.