This is a must read for everyone!!!

[jollyman]

Ok im here again and very concerned.  All of us are in here seeking advice for the mistakes that we wish we could take back, and would give anything to do so.  A month ago I had unprotected sex with a random girl, and I want to take it back.  I worried about having HIV or STD's for weeks, and still am.  I asked that she get checked and she is doing so.  Ok...Now this weekend I was in my friends wedding party in a big college town.  The wedding came, he got hitched, I got wasted drunk, and ended up sleeping with one of the brides maids.  Which happened to be unprotected!  I wake up laying next to her and just want to jump out of my skin in disgust for what I have done.  Why the FU CK did i sleep with her?  She was on the pill, but there's always a chance that a pregnancy can happen while on it.  I'm not going to sit around and play the odds like I have been doing the past month and like everyone else on here is doing.  I am going to accept what I did and face my possible consequences.  So my question to all of you out here reading this is, WTF do we make mistakes, and then do the same damn thing over again?  Because were human, yes I know.  But what makes "you" make bad decisions over and over again?  For me its ALCOHOL!!!  When I"m drunk, I'm stupid.  So I know I have a drinking problem, and I am going to get help.  Please give me your thought on this, and some very needed advise!!

[jollyman]

Thanks so much for all of your responses.  I feel accepted here and you all help lower my stress a little!  Just thinking that I could have child right now in my life terrifies me, because its not out of love, its out of stupidity.  I just couldn't handle it.  I know I have a problem when I drink, and I am going to get help.  It feels like I have hit rock bottom, and I'm doomed for life.  I know this isn't true, but right now I don't know what else to think or feel. I have to deal with this and change what I do now and in the future, and pray that I never make these mistakes again.....

Thanks to all...God Bless!

[guiltnworry]

I'd say your boys were up to par, or else the stars aligned.  Congratulations by the way, I always wanted twins (only boys though), but everyone said I was nuts.  

[ExtremeStress]

all that talk about the right time, right consistency, the competetive swimmers edge. My wifes pregnant with twins. My boys must have been up to par that night Huh?

[guiltnworry]

The birth control pill is over 99% effective.  This includes slight human errors as not taking it at the same time every day, so yes, it is very very effective.  People rarely get pregnant on the pill if they take it correctly, which is easy to do.  If you didn't come inside of her, then the chances are much much much lower that she could have gotten pregnant.  There are a lot of factors that have to fall into place for someone to get pregnant.  They have to have ovulated, but not passed the egg.  Their vaginal and cervical mucous has to be of the right consistency.  Enough sperm have to reach the egg.  It's a big rat race (sperm race really) to get to the egg.  The fewer the sperm, the less likely that any will make it through.  No, if she is taking the pill correctly, I don't think you have anything to worry about.  

Stressed25-  Thanks for the kind words and glad I can help.  Hope you are not "stressed" anymore.

[imworried5454]

Min over matter, I made a mistake once, got so lucky, still thanking God for my second chance. Will definately NOT do it again and will NOT put myself into position where I could be exposed. Just not worth it. Mind over matter :)

[jollyman]

Well here's my question.  I had unprotected sex, and didn't come inside of her, from what I remember thanks to the alcohol.  She has been on the pill for 4 months.  Ive heard of people getting pregnant while on the pill.  So do you think I should be concerned about this situation??

[meworried]

Men ! We are all humans, not angels, therefore bound to commit mistakes. Sex is a natural desire and instinct built in within our recipe and refraining from which would results in some other problems. Key point is, how to channel this "flood" to somewhere without damaging ourselves.

One way of doing so, is limit your partners and avoid "one night stands" or pick just one between a woman and a bottle of alcohol. Never drive a car or a lady when drunk, as both carry life risk and most of the stupid actions take place when you are not in your senses,,,, and sex with "unknowns" demands lot of sense.

[stressed25]

Guys!
While I can truly empathize, I certainly don't agree with your solutions! My God, sex, or rather intimacy, is so important to us all, and a lack of it can cause as many problems as too much. Jollyman, from what i've learned, your overall risk is extremely low, and spookedlady, you poor thing, you have a serious health problem, but it is not, and never was HIV. You seem terrified of sex, something a lot of us tend to go through when we do something we regret. But closing off and astaining altogether is not the answer!
Maybe you should ask yourself why you think you were so stupid to have sex. Especially when you used a condom, this was responsible and you are to be commended for it. Yes, condoms can break, but like guiltnworry, who really, really knows her stuff, has stated, it's not something you would have missed. Life is a series of calculated risks. You need to be able to accept that. But that doesn't mean you have to live your life in the shadow of a terror that is completely irrational. If you're not talking to a therapist, you really should be. Because you don't deserve that level of terror.

Jollyman, while I completely understand your perception that you're only dropping your guard while drunk - I'm in the same boat myself - I wonder are we hiding behind it? Although I certainly drink less now; my story, I'm in a relationship where we were having massive problems in bed, my drinking increased and I ended up having a fling, performed unprotected cunnilingus on a female of unknown status, and now I'm terrified I'm infected! I'm a lot happier when I have my drinking under control, and believe me it helps one deal with the anxiety in a much better way. I wish you well, and I think you are doing the right thing. I also believe you that you are at an extremely low risk for HIV infection.

You both deserve better than whay you're doing to yourselves:)

[guiltnworry]

This is true, they can certainly break, but you would have known this.  Latex is thin and it pops and essentially shreds.  You can't miss it, it looks like a shredded balloon.  You can abstain from sex if you want to, but this is really unnecessary.  Go with your boyfriends and get tested before you have sex or use protection.  It's really very simple.  I am not yet a doctor, but it seems your anxiety disorder is out of control.  I would advise talking to someone who is a professional, or switching meds.  

[spookedlady]

I used protection. But I have a chronic anxiety disorder, which leads me to believe that the condom might have broken without me knowing it. I just don't want to put myself in a situation involving sex ever again. Condoms can break, its like playing russian roullette.

[guiltnworry]

Hey guys, you are forgetting that we are all human and we all make mistakes.  For you to say you are never going to have sex again is depriving yourself of something good.  Just use protection, keep it in your purse or wallet all the time and maybe don't drink so much.  Don't stop having sex!  To jollyman, your overall risk was very low, as the chances that your partners were positive are slim to none.  Get tested at 6-8 weeks to put your mind at ease.  

[spookedlady]

I've tried to change since my incident three years ago, but i'm afraid it's too late. These forums helps me sort of. Just a good place for me to vent and express how I feel. But sometimes, I wish that I was someone else. Or I wish that I could go back in time as well, and reverse my stupid mistake. I'm sick of being tormented by my past everyday. I've been dealing with this constant anxiety for over 2 years now.

[jollyman]

I know exactally how you feel...Give me back one month of my life and I wouldn't be on this site.  I thought I would never be here in this situation.  I have often thought about how nice it would be to just die, I wouldn't have to deal with any of this stuff.  But thats NEVER the answer!  If we sit here and worry about the past, we're just going to keep making the same mistakes.  Its damn hard but I'm going to try to change, and not give up.  

[spookedlady]

If I wasn't stupid, I wouldn't have had sex. If I hadnt have met my ex boyfriend, I would've still been a virgin and I would've never had sex to begin with. I want to kill myself.

[jollyman]

For me its the alcoholism, if i wouldn't of been drunk, I wouldn't of had sex, HOPEFULLY!  So I think its like a domino effect.  We start small and eventually hit rock bottom.  Like gateway drugs, you start on the easy ones and then eventually lead to hard **** and hit rock bottom.  So staying clear and straight in the begging is the key...I think?

[spookedlady]

I made a mistake with one person, once, and I wish I never did it. Infact, I plan to never have sex again. Why do we make mistakes you ask? Idk...