It's been 7 years since my last post and a lot has happened since then. I endured the worst pain I have ever had, including more pain than having a baby, yes, I had tried to pass a kidney stone, it was too large to pass on my own so next was surgery. When I woke up in recovery, the doctor told me he removed the kidney stone and while he was walking away he says, "oh, by the way, you have severe cirrhosis and he walk away. I was still very groggy from the anistisa but was able to ask the nurse and my daughter what did he say and I started to cry. The doctor was called back to my room by my nurse and he explained that my blood work showed I have Hep C and the ultra sound show severe cirrhosis. This was 2 years ago, my health has declined and my husband of 18 years divorced me. When I was in my 20's I did my fair share of drinking, clubbing and met a man whom I fell in love with. I went to the clubs because I love, love to dance, my boy friend like his drugs and one night I was really drunk and I saw him shooting up some drugs, I had no idea what it was or what it did to you, but I ask him to give me some, he said no at first and I persisted so he shot me up with Heroin, I don't remember any of it, I apparently past out, drinking and drug to not mix. The next morning he told me what happened. A year and a half later I found out not only that I was pregnant. I stopped drinking and I never did heroin after that one time, I basically wanted to slow down start a career and be a good wife and career mother. 3 years later I learned I had Hep C but it was on the boarder line and they offered me no treatment at the time. My son's father passed away in 1997 and I since remarried. It's been quite a life I lived, although my late husband used drugs through out our marriage I didn't, I haven't had a drink or street drug since 1990. With my health declining as I am getting older and survived living through the 80's it's not surprising I got all these diseases. Having "Ulcerative Colitis, HPV, Hep C, kidney stones and now severe cirrhosis of the liver. I did go see a liver doctor, because I had started to have symptoms that I wasn't aware was Cirrhosis, but I knew I was sick. I would fall down alot, my hands shook like crazy, everyone would tell me to go see a neurologist, I got huge bruises that lasted for months, my nose would bleed easily, my memory was shot and my personality was reserved, I wasn't able to be me. I slept all the time, now I sleep all day and awake most of the early morning hours. I had to go on SSD Social Security Disability, however they told me I got too much money from that, that I didn't qualify for Insurance. So I am unable to have treatment. I'm bloated from hands arms, stomach, legs, ankles to my feet. I can barely drive anymore, my reflexes are very slow to react and I am scare to drive because of that. I've accepted the fact that I have this god awful disease and I have to do my best on my own, most of my friends have abandoned me, I don't know why either, they know I have this disease but most people refer it to either a result of drinking or drugging. They don't know enough to think it could be Hep C or even any other immune diseases I have. It's a very lonely disease and so far I'm feeling very dirty all the time. I'm back living with my ex-husband of 18 years of marriage, he said he'd be with me till the day I die, he said, I can die in his arms. I do believe I'm in "End Stage of Liver Disease" but I can't afford to go to the doctor, I have been to the ER twice and they did a ton of tests. EKG, CT scan, four or five tubes of blood, this was 3 months ago and my doctor last week my GP will be reviewing my test results and has ask me to find some kind of resource out there that can help me with ins. So there it is, I do not want a liver transplant, I want quality of life rather going through treatments which make you so sick you wish you were dead, why bother I'm 56 years old, I have lived a fantastic life and honestly I'm done, yeah judge me tell me I'm a quitter, how I should live out my life, I've been sick for years and I am done, I'm sick and tire of being sick and tired. I'd like to know just like anyone else when is the end, how much longer do I have, do I prepare my children and siblings? I'm scare of the unknown, I'm not afraid to die, just how much longer so I can prepare everyone for that time. I very much like this website, I've loved the support I get, because all my friends have abandoned me and it just seems you all understand. I tried another online Cirrhosis group and there were a couple of people who were really mean and I find that its not only unsupported but not necessary. This one guy says to me on one of these posts, Start Liven or DIE!! Stop drinking. He obviously didn't read the fact I have drank or have done drugs for 25 years, you see how it's as if this is a stereo type disease, most automatically think you are a drunk. This website is supportive and I will keep you all informed until I can't anymore, then my daughter can take over not for me, but for her. Thank you all for your continued support, God Bless!!!!!