Husband in denial - Hep C positive

[HepJourney]

Hello,

It has been awhile since I have posted.  My husband was dx with Hep C in October.  We went to see the GI doc and he said that looking at a copy of a CT scan or MRI of his abdomen that they took when he had kidney stones in November that his liver looked good.  They did some bloodtests to check for geno type and viral load etc and told him to check back after the first of the year to talk about treatment as the CDC recommends most undergo treatment.

I called once to get the results, but they never called me back, I just left them another message.

The problem is my husband was of course scared to death when he first found out.  He has always been a drinking man until he had a seizure in Sept and they said it was because of his drinking, so he quit....that was it.  They also found that his liver enzymes were elevated and eventually diagnosed Hep C.

So....now here we are in Feb and he acts like nothing has happened.  He has also started drinking again.  He knows I dont approve, so he is hiding it.  He gets a quart of beer on the way home and then gets rid of the bottle, I even have found cans in the trash and a bottle under the bed.  I can tell when hes been drinking and now it seems most times it makes him really tired and hot and he has to go lay down.  I ask what is wrong and he says he is just tired and wont look me in the eyes.  I have told him I wont buy beer for you, but I am not your Mother so I cant tell you no, it is your body, liver and brain.

I love him, but I dont know what to do.  I told him I thought it was okay to have a drink on special occasions like his birthday, new years ect, but to sip it, not down it.  I am trying not to judge him because I know it is a disease and an addiction and it is his way to cope with things, but I also know they wont treat him if he is drinking.  

Now he is also constantly bent over kind of sideways leaning to his left and says its his middle back that hurts, but he is just stiff.  It also seems to mean that he is suffering from brain fog.  We have been together 20 years and in the last year he just seems to be slower in conversation and often has a hard time just asking a simple question.  He forgets little things alot, but mostly he just seems kind of like an air-head.  Our boys dont know, they are 15 and 12, but they have commmented and joked about it and I can see sometimes they get frustrated with him.  He is also itching a lot and has the skin condition Granuloma Annulare which I read is associated with Hep C, he has had this since I knew him.

I just dont know what to do.  I constantly worry about getting Hep C from him, so sex is pretty much non-existent and that makes hubby mad.  He wont go out anywhere because he cant drink so that pretty much cuts me off because we live in a rural area, so now we have no social life, just when our boys were getting old enough to start enjoying things again.  Oh, and he doesnt want ANYONE to know that he has Hep C, so you guys are the only ones I can talk to.

I feel so bad because I find myself getting mad, and then I feel like......oh well, he is a grown man (just turned 45, got Hep C about 25 years ago) and he needs to deal with this, but I know he is scared.  He used to be so healthy, never sick and in great shape.  Now I watch him try to play frisbee with the boys and he runs very clumsy and looks stiff, where he used to be fast and agile.  Maybe its just age, but seems to be more noticable in the last year, that and the brain fog issue.

I guess I am not really asking any specific question, just needed to "talk" to someone, its so hard to carry this around and not be able to share.  We were already struggling relationship wise before all this happened, so now I have that guilt as well.  I want to stick by him and help him through this, I know it will be hard, but I know if we really try it can and will bring us closer, I mean we just celebrated (yeah right) 20 years on Feb 21st.  But I dont want to be the one to push him through everything, make all the appointments ect, is that wrong?  I think he needs to do this, so I havent said or done anything after the GI appt, so he could feel in control, but he has done nothing.  I am wrong, should I just take control of all his treatment, tell him when he will start etc...but then again, he is drinking...can you tell I am confused.

Thanks for letting me ramble, maybe I should have just put this in a personal journal instead of here.  Any advice...anyone?  I am hoping they will call me back with his geno type and such so at least I can know that.

Thanks all,

K-HepJourney

[kcrandy]

one and the most important issue with alcohol/addiction is admitting that we have a problem.  when an alcoholic is in denial there is not a lot anyone can do. depending on what or how drastic the alcoholic has progressed in thier addiction a medical facility could be needed to help the alcoholic threw withdraws. i believe it was said earlier that unless the alcoholic wants help it is useless for a loved one to do anything for the alcoholic. i pray your hubby gets help there are very good aa groups that are available in most cities.

i also agree that seeking out al-anon would be very helpful.  it will help you to see how to deal with and understand the alcoholic better,  and will help to build a good support system as well.

i will keep you and your hubby in my thoughts and prayers. please keep us all informed.

p,s,  insanty is defined as "doing things over and over and expecting different results".

[motheroffour]

You know I was going to skip this thread but I'm glad I didn't because I do want to contribute.  So often people have to "give up something" when their health is threatened - it could be food in the severely obese, it could be alcohol for the alcoholic, drugs for the drug addicted, cigarettes for some....you have to know having lost all that weight what it is like to give up something.  You had to dig deep I'm sure.  Your husband is most likely coping with that situation right now. Keeping him moving with the docs is the best thing you can do for him.  He may very well choose his own health over a condition that can be life threatening...for some that ephiphany can occur in an instance, for some they have to mull it over and build the inner strength and will power.  You husband may or may not be an alcoholic, you probably know the best.  All you and the doctors can do is help him as best as you can, discover within himself the "lightbulb" to make a life style change or at best put a date on the calendar to start the process of fixing what ails him (that sounds corny, but you know what I mean).

[Trish77]

I think you have a very good handle on the reality of your situation and what you need and want to do about it.  That comes through very clear to me.  It also seems that you are not in any denial about this and that you have the resolve to do what needs to be done.  Yesterday you went from having a husband who refused to acknowledge anything to one who is at least dialoguing with you about his health and is open to taking some steps.  That's a great start.

Perhaps it's the optimist in me.. or the person who never gives up hope until reality slaps me right up HARD in the face....but I see hope for all of you here.

I wish you the very best and I DO hope for good things to come out of this one way or another for you, your husband and your boys.

Trish

[nygirl7]

That is what I hope for, but I am also aware of the reality as well.
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We are all hoping for you too sweetie.  Believe me.

[glucklich]

I read your plight with great compassion. I topld my boss about this and his comment was one simple: the likelihood that there is only a bottle of beer ( qt or not) is about 0.

[HepJourney]

Forsee,

One thing is clear is that each person/couples journey is uniquely their own.  We can all share and offer support, but we much each make our own way through this.  I do know that I can and will handle this.  I may not like it or would have chosen it, but it is destined to be part of who I am.  But that doesnt mean that I have to let things just happen.  I know I have a say in this whole process and believe me, I will have it.

I dont intend to do everything for my husband, but I have told him I will be at every appointment and support him as best I can.

What is great about all these posts is that it highlights the diversity and shows the progession of the situation if I dont do anything.  

I so appreciate evereyone share such personal and painful experiences and I have learned something and gained a new sense of urgency to push him forward into recovery, not only from Hep C, and alcohol, but in recovering the life we once had, we a deeper sense of each other.  That is what I hope for, but I am also aware of the reality as well.

Thanks so much all,

K