Advice. drinking. can't stop. tried it all.

[newg1rl]

Hi.
I am a 31 year old female that was diagnosed with genotype 1a (i believe...the most common one?) about 6 years ago. I was a former IV drug user and assume this is where I contracted HCV. I am on a great path in life, own place, new, exciting job with a promising career to look forward to, and supportive and loving family and friends...except..
I cannot stop drinking. I hide it from everyone. I drink at least a pint of vodka per night. I know how awful this is for me. I had my last liver biopsy 5 years ago and it showed minimal scarring. I go once yearly to my gastroenterologist and my levels are always on the lower side. I have tried 12 step programs and they do not work for me. believe me, i have tried them over and over for more than 12 years. please don't jump all over me and scream AA. that is not what i am looking for in this post. I am looking for someone who has been where I am and has a POSITIVE STORY. how they got out of it.....

thank you for listening

[pooh55811]

Let us know how you are doing. Here's wishing you success in your endeavors.

[hepcat1954]

I really like your post WyoSue!

[WyoSue]

I have to agree with Acting Brand New about AA/NA not being for everyone and not being the only way to get sober and stay that way. AA worked for me when I wanted to quit, but after being sober for 2 years, I found myself sitting in a meeting thinking "I don't think I can stand listening to one more person whining about their awful day or blathering about God." I walked out and never returned. Following AA advice to change my playground, playthings, and playmates to stay sober, I bought a motorcycle, took a rider course, and now, 20 years later, I'm still riding and staying stone-cold sober.
And what a ride it's been!
Wishing you freedom from alcohol. If you really want it, you will find a way that works for you. Admitting that you have a problem and reaching out to others for help is an excellent start. Try the addiction forum as Pooh and Acting suggest. It just might be your ticket to freedom.
Wishing you the best, girl!
Sue

[newg1rl]

Hi!
Thank you so much for responding. I know exactly what you mean in terms of being told that is the only way to succeed. So, SO, soOO, many times have I gone into a meeting feeling good then came out feeling burdened with the information that came from people that I really WANTED to go use *and did. People don't think about the effect of the trash can puking of feelings and urges--and the effect on everyone else in the meeting.

I have an amazing therapist I have had for 10 years and for a few years I was doing well, but now I hide my drinking from her, we do phone sessions (different states) I am scared, so so scared to tell her the truth. She has been in 12 step based recovery since she was 18 and is really a fantastic therapist and person. She also understands that 12 step doesn't work for everyone and has told me that multiple times. The reason I am hiding my drinking as of late from her is because my family is involved here and there in my recovery and I cannot bear for them to know. She is the only therapist that has ever worked for me (15+) because she is very blunt and calls me out on my sh*t.

I will definitely go check out the other forums you have reccommended and i very much appreciate the advice and help. I am very happy for you that you have been successfully treated and are in recovery. I hope the best for you. As I get older I think of religion more and more seriously in a different way than before as a young smart a*s kid. I see the benefit it has on people and have really been reconsidering it as an option for myself.

Thank you, thank you for your response, Take care.

[newg1rl]

Hi Pooh,

Thank you so much for your response. I really appreciated the fact that you understand that I understand the gravity of my situation and didn't try to the same old lecture.
Although you may have never been in my place you show great compassion and empathy towards others who have (like myself) and that is a wonderful thing. Not just for me, but for you as well (are you a libra by any chance? haha, I am, that is only why I laugh, scales and justice are my thing)
I will certainly post in the Addiction forum as well, when signing up I just clicked everything I had the least bit interest in, I really hope i checked that one off as well as it is pretty much the basis of my life.

Thank you Pooh

[ActingBrandNew]

Hey and welcome :)

I hear what your saying about the AA meetings. For years I was told I HAD to go to AA and Na meetings otherwise I would never get clean and sober. I listened to these people and went and worked the program but kept finding myself relapsing. Matter of fact...I would often times leave these meetings wanting to drink or use after having come in not wanting to in the first place. I get it....contrary to what many in recovery believe, AA isnt for everybody and the only way.

So...I had Hep C and treated it. Im also in recovery and have been clean from drugs and alcohol coming on 4 years. I was using while I had Hep C with no regard to my health or liver. I was IV heroin and drank as well. This is the longest stretch Ive been clean and Ive done it WITHOUT AA/NA.  You wanted to hear a positive story....well, I got clean, treated the Hep C. I love life now and more importantly Ive learned how to love life sober. So I get what your saying. I didnt do it on my own though...no way. I had to find what worked for me as I suggest you do. I will share what I did and maybe its helpful....maybe its not. But just know that there's a ton of resources out there to help people like you and I.

I found myself a great therapist who deals with addiction. Not 12 step based at all. Just some good hard work trying to learn and discover the underlying issues that cause us to use. I also go to church and find great support there. That may not be your thing but if it is...many churches have a program called Celebrate Recovery. Great program and is very helpful to me. I also participate on the Addiction forum right here on Med Help. Pooh gave you the link. Here's one for alcoholism...another great place.

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Alcoholism/show/158

Its a great forum and if you post your concern about AA over there, many will give you additional ideas on what worked for them. Hope to see you over there.

About the Hep C...you know what your drinking is doing to your liver. Its very bad and I think you know that and is why you posted here. You can quit....and stay sober. Then treat the Hep C. Your absolutely right...AA isnt the only way. But you do have to be proactive and find what works for you. I hope to see you on the other forum. Others will be able to give more aftercare ideas.

Take care.

[pooh55811]

Welcome to the forum.

I think you know how bad alcohol is for you and your liver and I think you know that alcohol does cause liver fibrosis to progress more rapidly, so I won't belabor the point.

I have not been in your situation so I cannot give you a first hand story about getting out of your situation. However, there are several people on the forum who are in drug and/or alcohol recovery and they will be able to give you first hand positive stories of how they succeeded in getting clean and getting their lives back.

MedHelp also has an addiction forum and there are many wonderful and helpful people on that forum who will understand your situation, have positive stories about getting clean, and can help you get out of your situation with drinking. They are very helpful and supportive. I would suggest posting over there also. Here is a link to the addiction forum:

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Addiction-Substance-Abuse/show/77

Best of luck.