What should I do?

[Tica105]

I have had many accomplishments in this life but now at 59 with just about enough money to last me 5 more years or until 64 w/ no significant pension waiting, my Hep C, my methadone use, and lack of job are making my life horrid. I am sure I would end my life it weren't for my dog. I was sober for 11 years and now find meetings a bore (I wish it were not so).However I am detoxing off methadone as I write.
I can sometimes keep busy by watching films or taking my dog to the beach.
Heavy lifting is too hard to do as far as jobs. I was a film director until I relapsed and you can't just jump back into the game as a director unless one has something new.
Today I called up an Institute that trains people to take the test for Board Certified Medical aide, MRI tech, Sonogram Tech but I am wondering they would even hire me with Hep C? With my serious Bipolar II, which doesn't offer even the manic phase but just cycling of bad thoughts, no sleep, and rage and fear (two sides of the same coin), I cannot live a day at a time and find many others cannot either. I can't fake it until I make it.
Tica105

[Tica105]

Thanks for the immediate and thoughtful comments, I could write a book on the various detoxes my brother forced me into while we were both addicted. There was aUROD in Phillie that left me so dehydrated, I almost died. The NA nazis who were supposed to be our caretakers refused to give us liquids as they were tired of calling the maids to clean up our bed. The there was the herbal Heantos detox I went through in Hanoi, which may have worked if I could have stayed in a warm Vietnam clime but returned to a Chicago winter where the temperature was 16 f and the icy snow was piled up to my knees ONLY because my rich brother wanted me to begin selling the extra Heantos treatments he bought so I could get rich. I couldn't even stand up or walk my dog.
So I do know to take it slow. I have been going down 5 mgs every two weeks but now at 69 mgs., I'll have to, unfortunately, slow it down. AA was so great a refuge when I went there during my first sober period of 11.5 years but now I loathe it. I pretty much lack patience for everything and can't seem to maintain a relationship. I am on Lamotrigine, an anti-seizure medicine, that is one of the only drugs that works on soft depression. I don't even have the joys of the manic phase just pure depression where negative thoughts cycle around my head like hamsters on a hamster wheel, thought of suicide and homelessness, sleeping in my clothes (1 hour at a time) with the the lights or TV on. I no longer own a TV because I hate to hear about politicians retiring with $200,000 dollar pensions and the oil spill in the gulf.
So anyway thanks, and again, those on Hep C therapy are much braver than I am.
Best wishes,
Tica 105

[RCM829]

Couldn't resist responding. As many of us on this forum know, methadone de-tox is an extremely difficult thing to endure. In addition to the above advice, it's best to undertake this VERY slowly.
I know you will eventually succeed and add this to the list of accomplishments in your life. Oh, and 59 really isn't very old by todays standards!
Hang in there, O.K.?  You've got a lot on your plate. Try not to get overwhelmed. Best of luck.

[22hamilton]

Am really glad you found the forum Tica, a warm welcome to you ! You are not alone in this even though it may feel that way. I hope you hang around and get to know people, stick with it mate.

[Cory255]

Social Security Disability or SSI might be an option.  Obviously, it's not for everyone,,, but if you feel as if you can't work due to your physical condition(s), or mental condition(s) it might be worth applying for.......

Have you heard about the new Hepatitis C treatment drugs?  VX-950 and Boceprevir are Protease Inhibitors and are used in conjucture with Peginterferon & Ribavirin.  They've increased the success cure rate and are worth looking into......They may be available to the public as early as 2011.  Obviously, don't rush into tx, discuss this decision with your Doctor first, but may be best way to be cured.......

I'm very happy to hear you've achieved many accomplishments in your life, it sounds as if you have something to show for it...I'm proud of you.......

Please don't take your life...There are many things to live for in this world...The decisoin to tell or not tell employers about any medical condition is really quite simple.  You don't have to tell them...Unless it interferes with the day by day tasks, if there is a chance you could infect or get someone else sick...I can't think of which jobs are like that, but they might be out there.

I'm glad to hear you're staying sober, avoiding alcohol at all costs if you have hep c is without question the best advice I could give you.........Good Luck with your journey and welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Cory.

[Bill1954]

Hi Tica--

Most immediately, I think it’d be wise to call whoever is managing your methadone detox and let them know you’re dealing with a lot of despair; there may be some adjustments needed to ease the pain. Abrupt dose changes can be overwhelming, yes?

I don’t think anyone should or could prevent you from working in those fields if you are HCV positive. We have RNs, MDs and surgeons that are HVC RNA positive; actively employed and some are undergoing antiviral therapy on top of it.

Take it one step at a time, Tica; my guess is that you’re dealing with acute depression secondary to opiate/opioid withdrawal; manage that first, triage the rest when the time is right.

Good luck, and welcome—

Bill