Hi everyone - I am trying to adjust to my recent diagnosis and am still very confused and upset over it.
My husband and I have been together for 20 years. I have been completely monogamous and I'm pretty sure he has been. He swears he has never cheated and I know he can't ever tell a convincing lie, plus he's still being a bit standoffish and suspicious of me, which I figure he wouldn't be if he'd been unfaithful.
I was (until recently) HSV1/2 negative. He had HSV1 - he;d had a few cold sores as a kid and an outbreak about 10 years ago; none whatsoever since.
Like most couples, we had massive amounts of great sex during our first years together, but it dropped off as time went on and seriously took a dive after I went through menopause and we both dealt with age-related aches and pains. He had a painful back injury in January, so we;ve had almost no sex this year, I'm thinking maybe 5 or 6 times in 2015. Couple of encounters in early November, both times he had some ED problems and he switched to oral to not leave me "high and dry." He has been at his parents' house 100 miles away ever since - his dad had major surgery and his mom really needs someone there to help out for a while.
So a couple of days after he leaves, I developed a fever and what seemed like the flu. I felt awful and had no appetite. Couple days later I had painful urination and an extremely sore throat. Urination become so excruciating a few days later that I ended up at the emergency room. To my horror, the doctor found the classic blisters all over my genital and anal area and in my throat.I was dx with herpes and the culture confirmed HSV1.
It makes sense that I contracted it from receiving oral sex in early November. The severe flu symptoms and subsequently bad outbreak are typical of a primary infection, and the timing fits. But in a way it makes NO sense. I now know that the virus can be spread without active lesions (he had no trace of a cold sore, hadn't had any for a decade), but after 20 YEARS??? It certainly wasn't the first time he'd done oral, this was something that happened from time to time throughout those 20 years. I'm pretty healthy and haven't had any recent illnesses or conditions that would cause low immunity. Possibly being post-menopausal has changed things down there such that I'm more susceptible, but even that isn't a new thing; I completed menopause about 5 years ago.
I'm sure everyone dealing with a new dx has their own unfortunate set of circumstances to deal with. So here I am an "older" woman with an adult child and two teenagers, settling into middle age and kinda enjoying it...and suddenly I have HERPES? My kids are worried and wondering why I'm sick and why I walk so slowly and painfully; I am usually very honest with them, but I just can't bring myself to tell them what's going on. I mean, just imagine being a teenager and suddenly your dear old mom is suffering from an STD! I think even if they knew all the facts they'd find it troubling. Also, both of them have a slightly conflicted relationship with their dad, and I can easily imagine them thinking he cheated and I'm just in denial.
Anyway, I'm finding this whole thing about transmission after all those monogamous years very upsetting and confusing.