Lots of questions

[KB7474]

I have had GH for about 18 years.  I was never tested but my ex-husband had it. Shortly after we began dating, I developed an itchy blister on the back of my upper thigh after having unprotected sex (he never took suppression therapy).  He was able to tell it was herpes based on the appearance.  I suffered with a lot of outbreaks (mostly on buttocks and thighs…have only had 1-2 genital OB’s that I am aware of) until I went on suppression therapy several years ago.  I take 1 gram of Valtrex daily for suppression and have for several years.   It has drastically reduced the number of OB's I get.  I maybe get 1 every year and it's always small and goes away in a day or two.

I am in a new relationship with a coworker. I know...probably a bad idea but I am really attracted to this guy.   I am extremely worried about him contracting it from me though (we have not had sex yet but plan to in a few weeks when we take a trip together).  

So here are my questions:

-What exactly are the risks to him for contracting it from me if he wears a condom every time, we abstain when I have symptoms and I continue taking the meds?  I keep reading really discouraging info out there about how condoms don't do much to protect men.

-What is his risk of getting it orally if we engage in oral sex?  

-From what I’ve read, the risk is about 2% given the above but is that 2% per encounter or per year or what?  So I take that to mean there is a 98% chance he won’t get it?  We don’t live near each other so if we do end up having sex, it will be infrequent.

-Are there any antiviral lubricants on the market?

-I've read alot about H Balm and Melissa oil having antiviral properties.  Would it help at all if I applied it on the areas of my body that his unprotected skin could come into contact with?

-Does washing before/after sex help reduce transmission (both of us)?

-Have any of you been in long term relationships where the other person didn't get it?  What did you do to help prevent transmission?

-Do you think it would help if I get tested so I know what type I have?  Pretty sure it's HSV 2 but would be better for shedding/transmission rates if it was HSV 1.  If I get tested, what type of test should I ask for?  I called one clinic and they told me they only do cultures of blisters so that isn't an option.

-For the past 6 weeks, I have been having lots of prodrome symptoms with no OB's.  The weird thing is, I am feeling them in areas where I would never get an OB like my feet, knees, arms, upper back, etc.  Also getting it in the areas where I would normally get an OB.  Has anyone else ever had this happen?  Does it mean I am contagious?  It's seriously been going on daily for like 6 weeks. I think I am stressing myself out over this as it's the first time I've had to worry about transmission since contracting it. :(

Thanks in advance

[gracefromHHP]

almost all my relationships have been discordant and my partner has stayed that way. I only transmitted the virus early on - once when I didn't know I was infected and once when I didn't disclose to a partner and took risks I shouldn't have.

Most of my hsv2+ friends have never transmitted the virus to their partners.  

[KB7474]

Thanks for the advice!

Just curious if any of you have been in long term relationships where the other person didn't contract it.  One of the reasons I am so worried is that I contracted it from my exH very quickly after we began having sex.  I am pretty sure it happened the one time we did not use a condom because I had my first OB about 1-2 weeks after.  Of course, he was not taking daily meds back then (this was in the mid 90's) and who knows if he was really paying attention to his body for prodrome, small lesions, etc.

[gracefromHHP]

Is it worth getting tested to know your status? Always best to know your hsv1 and hsv2 status both so I say yes. Odds are your genital herpes is hsv2 since it reoccurs on a regular basis.  Your partner also needs to be tested to know his full status prior to your starting to be sexual together so you can make educated decisions about what precautions to take.  

Is there any reason to doubt that this is a genital herpes issue because of where your ob's have been? no there is not. I disagree completely with Life360 on that part of his answer.  Herpes lesions can appear anywhere in the entire boxer short area and your areas of recurrences are pretty typical.  You had a partner with known hsv2 and your symptoms are consistent with hsv2.  

so let's assume you have hsv2 and your partner does not. What to do to protect him? Well if you take daily suppressive therapy, use condoms and avoid sex any time you have anything going on in the genital area, he has a 1% risk each year of contracting hsv2 from you!  You are more likely to become pregnant while using the pill for birth control than you are to transmit your hsv2 to a partner with those precautions!  Most discordant couples are able to keep the uninfected partner negative when the infected partner is aware of their infection and they use even the most basic of precautions - avoiding sex when symptoms are present.  

does washing up before sex help reduce transmission? Well in theory it might but what happens is even if you wash any active virus off the surface of your skin, once the heat and friction of the sex act comes into play, what was below the surface could work its way back up.  Really no reason to wash up before sex other than it makes you feel fresher down yonder.

Does applying any types of oils or products currently on the market prior to sex reduce risk? no it would not. in fact, the oils can degrade the condom and make it less protective :(

currently we do not have antiviral lubes on the  market. some were in testing but so far none have been shown to be helpful to be marketed.

The symptoms you have been having for the last 6 weeks do not sound related to your herpes. upper back and arms is the wrong dermatone for genital herpes.  Perhaps it's an anxiety issue in that you are anxious about your herpes and your new partner so you are taking note of every little tingle that normally you would ignore? certainly if these symptoms continue and/or get worse, be seen to find out what is going on.

one last point I think it is important to make is that keep in mind that the location of your ob's when you have them in meaningless as far as viral shedding.  when you have active lesions, even if they are on the thigh area, you are shedding from the location of the lesion as well as the entire anogenital area.  In between obvious recurrences, the virus sheds periodically from the anogenital area too.  The area on the thighs where you get recurrences is only contagious when actual lesions are present. the skin there is too thick for the virus to come to the surface in between obvious lesions.  Why is this important to know?  Easy to think that if the lesion is on the thigh, you could cover it with a band aid and still have sex but the reality is the virus is also active from the vaginal and anal area so you'd be putting a partner at risk.   When you had a hsv2+ partner, this wasn't an issue so I wanted to be sure to make sure you were aware of this.

keep asking questions!!
g
race

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, you need to get tested for hsv1 and 2 to confirm your status. You mention you got an outbreak on your thigh the first time. First time outbreaks would not occur there from having vaginal sex. The first outbreak would be at point of contact, like your vaginal area. Have the test and let us know the result. Assuming you have it will not accomplish anythings as if you dont, all this conversation would be over nothing.