Husband has HSV2 and I don't.

[windosr13]

My husband just recently came clean and told me that he has HSV2 and got it before we started dating. We have been married for 15yrs. Recent blood test confirms he is positive and I am negative. He has never had any treatment for it in his life. My first thought is that he cheated because I don't know if its medically possible for me to have no contracted it in all these years together. Thoughts?

[auntiejessi]

Wow, I'm really sorry that this is happening. He should have told you.

It is possible for him to have had it this long without you getting it.

If all you do is avoid sex when he has symptoms, you have a 10% chance of getting it per year, assuming a monogamous relationship and sex 2-3x a week.

If he takes daily antiviral medication, like Valtrex, OR you use condoms, it reduces those chances to about 5% a year.

If you use both of those things, it's about 2-3%.

Obviously, those are statistics, and don't begin to cover things like trust. He made a decision regarding your health for you.

Do you have children? If you had gotten infected during pregnancy, that could have caused serious harm to your babies.

I say this as someone who's had hsv2 for 20 years - he should have told you from the start.

I can't tell you if he's had it the whole time, or if he's trying to cover up cheating. No blood test would confirm that, either. Did he get a type specific IgG blood test? That can only tell you that you've developed antibodies, and you can develop antibodies in as little as a few weeks.

Did it give him an index number? Sometimes, if it's a lower number, that means it's a newer infection, but that's not a hard rule, either. If this is the only reason you'd suspect him of cheating, it's not enough to prove it.

I'm really sorry. I can't tell you what to do from here - not my marriage. I can tell you that if you're upset and/or mad, you have rights to be.

[windosr13]

Thank you for your response. It’s been a very difficult road since finding out about his HSV2.

We did both get a blood test (IgG) that gave him a positive result and me a negative result. No index value was given :( He just recently started thank antiviral meds.

The trust has definitely been broken. We have 3 kids together and he got a vasectomy 10yrs ago and we never used protection. It just seems so odd that I never noticed anything in all the years together.

[auntiejessi]

It's not as odd as you think, especially if he was hiding it from you. Many people can go decades and not even know they have it.

Some people have frequent outbreaks, others can go several months or years without one - all are quite normal.

Has he said why he didn't tell you? I can't imagine the answer is satisfying, but does he have a reason?

I'd suggest marriage counseling. It's definitely possible that he's had it this whole time - the medical stuff is possible. The relationship aspect is an entirely separate matter.