There is a chance you could have a false positive. Anything below a 3.5 on an hsv2 IgG (and please, check to make sure it's an IgG that you were tested with) needs to be confirmed. There are also people who have had no symptoms that have false positives with higher than a 3.5.
As to hsv1, it's kind of futile to try to run from that. By our 50s - my age group as well - easily half the population has it, if not more. The hsv1 IgG test misses 30% of infections. Has it missed yours? The Western Blot will tell you, but if you don't actually have it, try not to get too paranoid about it. You'll miss out on some fantastic people if you do.
How was your partner tested? She needs to get her test results. She could easily have a doctor who doesn't understand that false positives happen, and her doctor - though she pissed you off - is correct that testing often leads to more harm than good. I disagree with the reasons why, though. False positives are very common, and if you have no symptoms, there's not a huge reason to test.
If your partner has hsv2, and you don't, you can still enjoy a sex life with her. Here are transmission stats for hsv2:
Ghsv2 transmission, female to male, over the course of a year, assuming sex 2-3 times a week (I use "female" and "male" for brevity, but I mean nothing more than the parts you have. Your gender identity is yours.):
Only avoiding sex during an outbreak - 4-5%
Adding condoms OR daily suppression - 2-3%
Adding condoms AND daily suppression - 1-2%
You can do all things sexual that you like.
You're in your late 50s. You've made it this far in your life. Don't let herpes scare you. Obviously, no one wants it, and I'd never encourage anyone to just get it, but herpes isn't nearly as scary as you think it is, and it's no reason to not have a fulfilling sex life with someone you care about and enjoy.
Also, a final note - She is never infectious from her hands, nor would touching yourself after touching her infect you if you don't have it. Please consider how you may be making your partner feel with all the hand washing. If she does have hsv2, are you making her feel dirty or shameful? Like a walking, talking, infectious biohazard? I've had hsv2 for a really long time, and she may not feel that way, but I probably would if my partner took those kinds of steps to be intimate with me.
If you have told her that this has been the most depressing period of your life (which congratulations, by the way - that means you've had a blessed life, sincerely, if this is the worst thing), then she may feel terrible.
I don't say this to shame you, but to just point out something that you may be doing unintentionally.
Do you have a doctor who will give you the Western Blot? I think it's a good idea that you get one. I think you need to know for sure. If your doctor won't give you one, you can get one from Terri Warren - https://westoverheights.com/getting-a-herpes-western-blot/