Aa
HERPES LEGACY
Three years ago my wife of 25+ years suffered a Herpes 1 infection in the genital area. Since the two of us had been absolutely monogamous for at least the length of our marriage, and two or three years before, this came as huge surprise that temporarily rocked our otherwise solid marriage. We took the necessary tests and they revealed that I was the source of the infection. Again, another huge surprise because to this day I have never had a symptom of the virus. It took a while but we finally moved on and put this strange episode of our lives behind us. The subject has been buried and we have discussed it maybe three times since the infection. However, the presence of the infection is felt every time my wife and and I make love. She refuses to receive oral sex from me, saying she finds it disgusting and that she is afraid of having a recurrence of the infection. The original infection was the only time she has had any symptoms. When we kiss she wipes her mouth right after, fearing another infection.
I have tried to explain that subsequent infections are highly unlikely because her body has developed imunity as a result of the first. I have explained what I hjave read, that the chances of a flare up are small with Herpes 1. In addition, I have tried to explained that statistically the chances of her having another episode are miniscule, if she has not one three years after the original.
Is she correct in fearing a recurrance as a result of oral sex or am I out to lunch?
I have tried to explain that subsequent infections are highly unlikely because her body has developed imunity as a result of the first. I have explained what I hjave read, that the chances of a flare up are small with Herpes 1. In addition, I have tried to explained that statistically the chances of her having another episode are miniscule, if she has not one three years after the original.
Is she correct in fearing a recurrance as a result of oral sex or am I out to lunch?
once again, it's really helpful when you just keep adding to your original post. keeps you from having to repeat things and keeps us from having to go read back through your other posts separately.
hsv1 is not an issue in your relationship at this point other than if your wife has genital symptoms, avoid sex during them. you having hsv1 means you are incredibly unlikely to contract it genitally from her but just err on the side of caution. Her kissing you isn't going to trigger a recurrence for her. her receiving oral sex from you isn't going to trigger a recurrence for her genitally either. It doesn't work that way. your infections are completely independent of each other at this point.
Honestly I think at this point a counselor for you and your wife is going to be in your best interest as a couple. I'm guessing there are deeper issues for her at this point than just the fear of getting a recurrence of her genital hsv1 if she is saying no more oral sex and is wiping her mouth after you kiss her. Suggest counseling to her out of wanting to strengthen the relationship for the long run, not because you think she is having an over the top reaction to contracting genital herpes from you ( you are going to have to "sell this" to her probably ). You could probably educate her on genital hsv1 infections until the proverbial cows come home but if she feels "dirty" or "disgusted" with herself/ sex at this point, it's going to take some professional help to help her work through these feelings. Her reaction sounds like more than what you can handle easily on your own to be honest.
best of luck - don't let her continue with these behaviors because your relationship will suffer from it if you do.
grace
hsv1 is not an issue in your relationship at this point other than if your wife has genital symptoms, avoid sex during them. you having hsv1 means you are incredibly unlikely to contract it genitally from her but just err on the side of caution. Her kissing you isn't going to trigger a recurrence for her. her receiving oral sex from you isn't going to trigger a recurrence for her genitally either. It doesn't work that way. your infections are completely independent of each other at this point.
Honestly I think at this point a counselor for you and your wife is going to be in your best interest as a couple. I'm guessing there are deeper issues for her at this point than just the fear of getting a recurrence of her genital hsv1 if she is saying no more oral sex and is wiping her mouth after you kiss her. Suggest counseling to her out of wanting to strengthen the relationship for the long run, not because you think she is having an over the top reaction to contracting genital herpes from you ( you are going to have to "sell this" to her probably ). You could probably educate her on genital hsv1 infections until the proverbial cows come home but if she feels "dirty" or "disgusted" with herself/ sex at this point, it's going to take some professional help to help her work through these feelings. Her reaction sounds like more than what you can handle easily on your own to be honest.
best of luck - don't let her continue with these behaviors because your relationship will suffer from it if you do.
grace
I don't know. While I saw the results of my test, which was definitely positive for HSV-1, I did not see hers. I relied on the verbal feedback of the Nurse Practitioner who saw us both and the Dr. who just saw the results of the tests.
How was she diagnoised with HSV then? Was it by visual? You aren't exposed to HSV. You either have it or you don't. Some people will not show positive on the blood test. Did she have a positive culture or visual?
My wife was tested and her results showed no antibodies for HSV-1 which means she had never been exposed to the virus.
Out to lunch lol. Sorry I laugh when I hear that because of a friend who is a doctor keeps telling me has patients checked out to lunch. Sorry funny to me maybe not to you.
Let's talk turkey (hm I have food on the mind now) on Herpes. Below I am going to give you a URL to a free herpes handbook. This book was made by the wonderful Terri Warren who is the MedHelp Herpes Forum Expert. She is a NP and has her own clinic does a lot of Herpes studies. If anyone knows herpes it is her. The reason I explain this is because if your wife feels our answers are not going to help her understand she can post a question to Terri and get her response. Or she can post to our 2 medical doctors who deal with all STD's in our doctor forum. Sounds like she won't listen much to us so I am taking the precaution step first.
Who is the source of the infection really is a moot point in a commited relationship because let's face it you love each other. Now HSV-1 comes in cold sores so if you had a cold sore in your life then you have HSV-1. Some people can never recall having cold sore symptoms in their life which is what happens here sometimes. Te virus does actively shed throughout the year (shedding means the virus is on the skin but there is no signs of an outbreak).
So unless you where tested multiple times during your marriage which lets face it why would you because you're married and you aren't cheating so why test. There is no way to know if the virus actually came from her first if she ever had oral sex in her life before you. You could have gotten it from her, though chances are you did have it first. It doesn't matter.
Couples who have HSV-1 both do not need really to worry about. HSV-1 genitially has far less reoccurance rate then HSV-2 in that location. The virus sheds about 3-5% of days in the year. The body builds up an immune response. The best way to explain it is like chicken pox. Once you get the virus and it goes away then the virus is in you for life. If you come in contact with someone who has the chickenpox you don't have to worry about catching it again. The virus does have a reoccurance rate for some people.
The bottom line here is that you have an immune response to fighting the infection from a new location. Really the only precauation we would tell you is avoid sexual contact during an obvious outbreak. But even then you both have HSV-1. So it doesn't matter.
The Handbook can be found here: http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/handbook/view_the_chapters.html
Please keep asking us questions.
Let's talk turkey (hm I have food on the mind now) on Herpes. Below I am going to give you a URL to a free herpes handbook. This book was made by the wonderful Terri Warren who is the MedHelp Herpes Forum Expert. She is a NP and has her own clinic does a lot of Herpes studies. If anyone knows herpes it is her. The reason I explain this is because if your wife feels our answers are not going to help her understand she can post a question to Terri and get her response. Or she can post to our 2 medical doctors who deal with all STD's in our doctor forum. Sounds like she won't listen much to us so I am taking the precaution step first.
Who is the source of the infection really is a moot point in a commited relationship because let's face it you love each other. Now HSV-1 comes in cold sores so if you had a cold sore in your life then you have HSV-1. Some people can never recall having cold sore symptoms in their life which is what happens here sometimes. Te virus does actively shed throughout the year (shedding means the virus is on the skin but there is no signs of an outbreak).
So unless you where tested multiple times during your marriage which lets face it why would you because you're married and you aren't cheating so why test. There is no way to know if the virus actually came from her first if she ever had oral sex in her life before you. You could have gotten it from her, though chances are you did have it first. It doesn't matter.
Couples who have HSV-1 both do not need really to worry about. HSV-1 genitially has far less reoccurance rate then HSV-2 in that location. The virus sheds about 3-5% of days in the year. The body builds up an immune response. The best way to explain it is like chicken pox. Once you get the virus and it goes away then the virus is in you for life. If you come in contact with someone who has the chickenpox you don't have to worry about catching it again. The virus does have a reoccurance rate for some people.
The bottom line here is that you have an immune response to fighting the infection from a new location. Really the only precauation we would tell you is avoid sexual contact during an obvious outbreak. But even then you both have HSV-1. So it doesn't matter.
The Handbook can be found here: http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/handbook/view_the_chapters.html
Please keep asking us questions.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Herpes Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
