Need an answer

[lostgirl510]

I have been dating a guy for a few years on and off.  Approx. Nov. 14th he had an outbreak of genital herpes. His symptoms on that date were two blisters on the underside of his penis and one blister on the top of his penis, headache, fever, sore throat, flu feeling, his left lymph gland was very swollen and tender, his upper back was broke out in what looked to be an allergic reaction of some sort, red spots with blisters. He told me that the week or two before that he had a blister on his forearm and his calves were covered in blisters, which I did see those were healing the week the genital outbreak occurred.  He was out of town from September 6th until Oct. 16th and since his return we maybe had sex three times before his outbreak.  We were trying to work out our relationship and I wanted to take things slow and he was very stressed about it.  On December 17th, I was igg tested negative for HSV 2 and low positive for HSV 1.  On December 22nd, he was igg tested positive for HSV 2. Since, I tested negative, it makes me wonder is it because we were not having sex much since he came back to town. Up until he left, we were having sex every day unprotected for the last few years. He dated a girl approx. ten years ago that was exposed to herpes by her previous boyfriend and she never had any type of outbreak, he said he had seen a red spot on his penis before maybe six years ago but was not sure what it was and it went away in a day or so and he didn't have any other symptoms. His outbreak seemed like a primary to me and he said that he had never had anything like that before so I am wondering did he get the genital herpes from someone new. He claims that he has never been with another woman since we have been together. I do know that he was hanging out with a girl when we would break up that was hsv 2 positive. He said that she told him that and that they were strictly friends. He claims this is a recurrent outbreak and not a primary?? and that he has had it since he dated the girl ten years ago. What do I believe? The only thing that would lead me to question this incident is that only one lymph node was swollen and not both?  Thank you in advance for any help you can give me with this. I am so torn.

[gracefromHHP]

No, your initial infection isn't always your worst ob.  He could have other things going on too which could be contributing to why this ob seemed worse than others to him.

If trust is currently an issue, ask him if he'd go speak to a counselor with you to try to work thru this.  You can not ascertain anything about his fidelty from the severity of his symptoms.

grace

[lostgirl510]

I have stayed HSV 2 negative which worries me that this is a newly acquired infection since we have not had sex since Nov. 14th  Also, since I thought that primary infections were the worst and recurrences are always milder, he said this is the worst that he has ever had. He states he never had lymph node swelling or flu like symptoms before. Isn't that true that recurrences are always milder? I am not so sure this is an old infection, I think he is trying to cover his *** and made up the story about his ex girlfriend having it. We have not had been having sex since his outbreak, I told him I wanted to be sure if this is a new or old infection since his behavior in our relationship has made me supsectful of him cheating.  We talk and hang out but no sex right now until I see if he has really changed.  I would not mind at all to have genital herpes if he was faithful and stops hanging out with other women but I don't want to get genital herpes from a man that got it because he cheated on me and will never be faithful. I just want to make the right decision.

[gracefromHHP]

If it happens, it must be very rare because I haven't heard of what you are referring to as far as an allergic reaction to having herpes. Since from the sounds of things this isn't a newly acquired infection for him - I also doubt that his other rashes are related to his herpes.   He definitely needs to follow up with a dermatologist to try to figure out what all is going on on his skin both on and off the genitals.

Have you two discussed what precautions to take together from here on out? Has he considered daily suppressive therapy to reduce your risk?  Of course without doing much of anything so far you've stayed hsv2 negative so it's completely up to the two of you what precautions you want to take besides avoiding sex whenever he has anything genitally going on.

grace

[lostgirl510]

Grace,

I have researched this extensively and found some info in regard to the first time the body acquires the virus, in rare cases, an allergic reaction will occur. It looked like hives with little whiteheads in the center all over his upper back but the red patches were not raised just surface. Have you heard anything on this? I am awaiting his igg numbers, he said he would send them but he has not as of yet.  He also told me he thinks he gave it to his previous girlfriend before me, that she went to the dr. and they said she probably had it and then another time, he said she got a culture and she definitely had it. His stories just are not adding up. That worries me also. I don't know if it matters but the two blisters on the underside were almost healed when the one on the top side showed up.
Thank you, Grace.

[gracefromHHP]

Because of his other odd sounding dermatological issues on other body parts, I think your bf needs to see a dermatologist and find out what is going on. Also can you get a copy of his hsv2 igg blood test results to post here for us - ie hsv2 igg 6. 7 or whatever they are? Since he doesn't have a + lesion culture for herpes from what you posted, I think it's important to confirm that he really does have hsv2 and it's not something else going on.  Until proven otherwise though I'd assume he has hsv2 and you don't and take proper precautions.

grace