i have a slight problem here.

[jer135]

a love interest and i have been chatting over facebook im for a cple months and r getting close.  and weve chated over myyearbook cam . just today she told me she has hpv, she is a carrier but doesnt have the full blown disease. she told she wants to take a step back and find frojm getting emotional between us untill she finds out more information on hpv and if we can even get iintimate. i think we can have sex with a condom not without though. i have no idea, kinda sorta though. i have an idea, but not completely sure though, she doesnt have warts or an infection. so please help me out here. ashe told me she cant ever have sex again, and i dont think thts true, cause shes only a carrier and doesnt hvre the full blown disease.  so i could use all the help i can get, here and i are really in to each other, and were soulmates.she said shes not pushing me away, just takin ga step back. hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllpppppppppppppppppppppp.

[SkaterDave]

Of course, you can be a carrier and not have the full blown disease... but put in better terms: before your body suppresses the activity of the virus you can still pass it on to others but not be showing any symptoms yourself.  This is true with low risk HPV warts at least but even then the degree of risk of transfer is not well defined by science.  I have had lots of unprotected sex with my ex while I had an ongoing wart infection, even had an outbreak while we were together, and she never got it.  

p.s.  she knew and it was her choice to not use protection.  I'm not some douche just in case it seemed that way.  :)

[SkaterDave]

Yeah dude, to me it sounds like she is misinformed.  Anyone who is informed about HPV would never use the phrases "I'm a carrier but don't have the full blown disease" or "I can never have sex again."  

All you need to do is read around on this site and you'll get a great understanding of the reality of HPV.  Things you'd like to know are:

How long ago are we talking here?  When was she first diagnosed? How? Is it high-risk or low-risk?  Do you know the general flow of HPV life span?  How is HPV spread? What are the statistics of being infected given certain risk assumptions, i.e. no condom, condom, oral ect...?  What is the likelihood of something bad like cervical cancer, penile cancer, oral cancer with HPV?  Answer these questions and you'll breath a lot easier and be better positioned to make choices.  I'd answer them all for you right now but I dont' have much time.  All this info is readily available here on this forum or on the "Ask An Expert -STDs" doctor's forum.

My quick gut feeling is that she's over reacting and you'll bond more over this and if you do hook up in the future and there is a small risk you've identified due to your research diligence, all you got to do is mitigate it by slightly changing the way you are intimate.  

[soscared872]

Please read some of Dromiii's posts. Dromiii is unreasonably frightened of HPV. Nearly 80% of adults get HPV at some point in their lives. I cannot stress this enough: most of that is the invisible warts, which are the "high risk" kind. Yet most people clear the virus and it never bothers them again in their lives. Moreover, HPV has been known to be a STD since ancient Greece. So you can bet it has been no big deal for as long as humans evolved. Occasionally people do get cancer from it. The cancer is RARE, in light of the fact that tens of millions of Americans have sex several times a week. You should be more worried about paying attention to other motorists on the road so as not to get into an accident.

I strongly suggest that you use condoms. Since you know for sure she at least had HPV. If it was two years ago she should have cleared it by now. I would think your chances of penile cancer would be far less than dying in a traffic accident. Kld44 has excellent advice and I suggest you follow it. I tend to be on the more cautious side, but that's me.

[dromiii]

hello

one thing u have to keep in mind
what type of hpv she is having if she is having high risk strain of hpv
then u might get it and u know high risk strain can cause
oral penile and anal cancer in men as well
even though these cancer are rare but who know who can get it
so i am streesing on this a lot
ask her what type of hpv she is having n then u decide
r u goin to take risk of having high risk strain of hpv in u if yes go ahead
i dont want to hurt ur feelings but there is a possibily that male can get penile anal or oral cancer beacause of the same strain she might have although ver rare

good luck

[kld44]

This is a tough one...just hope she is completely honest with you. So many women have HPV, but you're right, if condoms are used, and no warts are visible or touched (genital to genital) you should all be just fine. Ask her when her last abnormal pap was, just to be on the safe side and just talk with each other before any kind of sexual encounters. Her immune system may have fought off HPV, this may be why she's saying she doesn't have an infection. Usually after an abnormal pap smear, she would have to have one every 3-6 months. So just ask her if she has had any normal ones lately! Communication is key, but no need to stress yourselves out over this :) Good luck!