funny

[teko]

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.  

Please select from the following options menu:  

If you are  obsessive-compulsive, press 1   repeatedly.  

If you are  co-dependent,  please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.  

If you are  paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,
stay on the line so we can trace your call.  

If you are  delusional, press 7 and
your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.  

If you are  schizophrenic, listen carefully
and a little voice will tell You which number to press.  

If you are  manic-depressive, hang up.
It  doesn't matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.  

If you are  dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.  

If you are  bipolar, please leave a message after the beep
or before the beep or after the beep.
But Please wait for the beep.  

If you have  short-term   memory loss ,  press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.  

If you have  low self-esteem, please hang up.
Our operators are too busy to talk with you.  

If you are  menopausal, put the gun down,
hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.
You won't be crazy forever.  

If  you are blonde, don't press any buttons.
You'll just mess it up.  

This coming week is
National Mental Health Care  week.
You can do your part by remembering
to contact at least
one unstable person to show you care.  

(Well, my job is done . Your turn!)

lol








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[kayakka]

good larff teko, thanx

[ILADVOCATE]

Oldie lol. My psychopharmocologist even made that joke when he was calling a phone number for prescription drug coverage appeals years ago for me and they had multiple options on the phone number and it was making him ticked off. Thinking of the way I was before recovery his phone message ends "if you are an active patient of mine and this is an emergency you can page me". I used to page him all the time in an agitated mixed state so I always said to him there should be an option "if you are an irate patient of mine even if its not an emergency". Now after recovery in the new way I approach providers I wanted an option added "if you are an activist patient of mine.." as an option. Only fair lol.