Disorder's and pre-menopause

[moodynblue]

I was diagnosed with  depression, social anxiety back in 2004, and anxiety years ago. I am a 47 year old woman that felt attractive up until this year. October 2009 I got unengaged and became a mess. It's been 1 year and I can't seem to move on with my life. I haven't been able to sleep at night. I am so lost, lonely, moody. I don't want to be around people. I look and feel a mess no matter what I do. My hair is dry, breaking, and thinning, headaches, I have no energy, no life. I look in the mirror and see an ugly person that has aged 10 years in one year. I'm not on depression meds, because nothing I have tried over the years have worked or I had some kind of side effects to them. I've been on prescribed clonazepam since 1996. I take less then what my doctor wants me to take because I end up sleeping during the day if I do, and I feel like it has recked my life since I've been on it. I don't even know how I feel anymore about anything in my life. I'm tried meds, exercising, and home remedies, store remedies for my ugly skin, and wrinkles and sagging eyes, gross skin on my body. I can't take it much more. I fear everyday I have to face. No I am not suicidal. Its not like that. I've been to counseling over the years and I'm even tired of that. Nothing works! What can I do. I'm angry, sad, lonely and need to do something about this. I think my doctor has given up on me or at least I feel there isn't much more she can do for me. I don't want to give up and say to myself "welcome to the older years and be lonely the rest of my life" Why can't i get past this. I don't go out to meet anybody. I make excuses why I can't go out with friends or family events. Actually its not an excuse..its the truth. I don't feel like it! i shouldn't feel this way at my age. Where is the energy I used to have, where has the girl that used to laugh and and be fun. I miss who I used to be. How can I get back to me? HELP
P.S. I've had every test in the book you can think of. So no major health problems as of 2 months ago that they can find. They took bottles of blood from me, not just a couple of tubes. I was tested for menopause also...they said I'm pre-menopausel. My sister ended at 50 and so did my mom. How can I get back to me? HELP

[addison12]

sorry to hear about the problems, I have anxiety since I was 21 and panic attacks on and off since I was 21 i take zanix and it works for me but becareful it does become addictive.  I have been to counceling it doesn't help, I have been married twice once to an abusive man, i also felt like my life was over, menapause is doing havic on me feel like i don't know what is up or done, luckily i have a very loving man in my life and we built a home together and have been living together for 8 yrs it is working great, I am 54 and don't want to get married again, it works for us.  I feel like it must be our self esteem, remember you are better than him and its his loss, you must make yourself get up and go.  I know its hard but i do speek from exprience I was there.  Good luck with everything and I am here for you.

[moodynblue]

Thanks for the response Nortriptyline..hmmm I've tried so many over the years, I'll have to check with my doctor. I was also told that my  Vitamin D level was low. I've also tried the Effexor, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Lexapro, Valium and tons more that you have had. All had bad side effects or I was allergic, weight gain, headaches, vomiting, etc. I will have to ask about the Nortriptyline. It does sound familiar, but I will ask when I see my doctor again. Thank you! My doctor told me she could put me on hormone pills, but said i would develop a manly voice and i truely don't want a deep voice. I, as you am told I'm very attractive all the time and still am. But nobody looks under the clothes and see what I see. What is  estrogen gel and where is it used? Has it helped you? I ended up ordering some first grade green tea from Japan and I drink two glasses a day since July 2010 (love it) It is keeping my weight stable. Also from Japan I got some powdered collagen which I can't use anymore, because the guy didn't know I have mild blockage in my aorta and its branches. He told me to stop taking it because it could make it worse, but the green tea would help keep it clear. I went back to the doctors last week and talked with her about my problems AGAIN. I'm going to take one step at a time, so the first thing I'm going to work on right now is getting my sleep back in order. I'm can't handle stress, don't want to leave the house if I don't have to and I'm running off 2 - 3 hrs sleep if that and want to sleep during the afternoon. So far I've tried ambien and trazadone which didn't work. Tonight before bed I'm starting on a short term aid called Seroquel 25mg. She gave me 10 days worth to try and see if that helps me sleep. I'm not really one who likes pills, but I need to sleep at night. I have a pre-teen to take care of. I too am a grandma and have a 21 year old daughter who is very mean to me when I try to do all I can for her and my grandchild  . Do you also have the same disorder's that I have? I'm finding that my oldest has something wrong as I do, though she flies off the handle easy. When I was her age I was so easy to get along with, and had much more patiences then I do now. I always knew I had a problem but somehow like you covered it. Mine was with beauty, as I'm guessing your's too? I loved the attention, I was also a lady, but knew how to have fun. I could never find the right guy, though i was married for 10 years which ended years ago.
I'm so glad you commented on my post. I didn't think anyone would and I thank you for that. Tonight is one of my better days which isn't that good since I have had a headache everyday and I'm hoping its just for lack of sleep. I'm living off excedrin migraine a couple times a day and is also no longer working for me. I'm such a negitive person..its pretty sad huh! Anyways sorry i'm just getting to this post.
Thank you again

[twitchychick]

This may seem  like a crazy suggestion, but I'm wondering if you would be willing to try another medicine. You may have already tried this. Nortriptyline is an older tricyclic antidepressant. It is not an SSRI. When the SSRI type medications became available they were way over prescribed because they were supposed to be better than the tricyclics. Some people just don't do as well with those types of antidepressants. I have tried Effexor,  Wellbutrin, Prozac, Valium (which made me so moody! hate it), Lexapro, etc,  I started having a lot of physical symptoms, along with an increase in migraines. The nortriptyline is supposed to help with nerve pain, prevent migraines and stabilize the mood.

I am 43 and last year started having night sweats, lost weight, hair fell out, dry skin, looked like crap, felt like crap.  I found out that my Vitamin D was low, I was in full blown menopause and I had a nerve disorder.  The new med (along with an estrogen gel) made a huge difference.  If you are low in estrogen, it can affect the skin, hair, nails, etc.  Estrogen is what makes us soft and womanly. When it's gone, you do start to age quickly. But the downward spiral can be helped with supplementing what's lost. And at 47, your levels may be fluctuating.

I can relate to many of your feelings.  You are not alone. I was always the kind who kind of got by because people thought I was attractive. It was nice. When the physical beauty starts to fade because of age, your identity kind of becomes lost. I didn't know how to be a middle aged menopausal grandmother (thanks to my two step-daughters) at only 43. I still thought like the girl from the 80s. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself. I'm still coming to terms with it, but I've decided I don't want to be one of those women who gets too much crap done and end up looking constantly surprised. I just want to be the best 43 year old I can, and not try to be a twenty something.  You may never feel exactly like your old self. But you can feel GOOD with your new self.

Hope this helps in some way.