It does sound like a compulsion of sorts. The inability to inhibit your activity is first red flag. That you can't say 'okay, massage parlors are kind of messing me up, I need to curtail that activity" is such that it has to make you wonder why that it is. Are you masking something else in your life? You know? Like with addiction, we do that. And then yes, compulsion to check, recheck, search, prove, disprove is all a form of compulsion from the obsessive thought you have hiv. And then this is making you abuse alcohol? Yes, you need some help here. I think working with a clinical psychologist would be really important. The combination of medication and therapy can be quite effective. But working through the WhY"s to your actions would be helpful. And I know that shame and guilt just make it so hard. So, learning to let of an activity causing you pain would be so great.