Recently, my clinical depression has been getting markedly worse. This has been through a significant increase in suicidal thoughts and planning, and most notably, some strange sleep phenomena.
Every night now, when I close my eyes and try to sleep, I seem to have very vivid repetitive thoughts and fears which manifest themselves sometimes with imagery, but often with loud noises such as people shouting them. It startles me very badly and i'm often reduced to crying, shaking, hyperventilating, screaming, suicidal stuff.
I've started taking OTC sleeping pills every night in excess of the recommended dose just so I can get to sleep safely.
I really don't understand it, and can't cope with it.
Further, i'm out of the country for the next 12 days, and it's not reasonable to see someone here.
My prime fear is of being (committed) hospitalised and the loss of control associated with that. The thought makes me nauseated and very uneasy, and when trying to sleep, literally tortures me, but I can't avoid it.
Are you able to shed any light on this? Any suggestions? I don't think its hypnagogia, but could be wrong I guess.
It started around 2 weeks ago with me imagining music, and it quickly becoming too loud to handle (but of course, imagined)
Thanks in advance,