Depression or something else?

[Vanishedwish]

Depression or something else?
I just don't know what to say rather than I am sick of myself  & the continues argument as what to do, what is right what is wrong , shall I end it & how. 5 years ago I choose med school,  & the only reason I can think of is that I was used to hide between my books as they was my saviors from a family I couldn't get along with. I honestly remember  me comforting myself there will be plenty to read- silly I know!  I guess it was the same reason I wanted to study abroad  until the fear of not being able to adjust strike. ( perhaps my mother words about me isolating myself & how can others  live with me-I doubt if that was a reason because I usually I give hear a deaf ear) it might not be the family rather my personality & the way I react with them. But again I am a popular person out there. My older sister asked me once why I am not the same person in home.  

[Peter Forster]

I agree with Jaquta.

You seem bright and, at the same time, very unhappy and stuck.

This is a difficult situation but not an impossible one. You need good help.

I am curious that you learned that your psychiatrist was very religious in just one meeting... In our country we psychiatrists don't usually say all that much about themselves, in fact we are often accused of being somewhat mute  :-). I think that you should look for another psychiatrist.

Irritability is a terrible symptom. Hard for you to deal with and hard for those around you to deal with, but it is a symptom, not who you really are.

[Jaquta]

I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist and also looking into psychotherapy.

Muteness is something for a therapist to work with.

I don't expect that you are lazy, just that you have issues that are causing you to feel paralyzed and so put off doing what needs to be done.

It sounds like you have a number of deeper issues that need working through.

Explain it to your friend and ask her to help you access support, etc.

[Vanishedwish]

Simply because I am not in any form of treatment.

I was prescribed Prozac shortly after a suicide attempt last year. I asked my GP  to prescribe amitriptyline almost a month ago (used it 3 years ago & it helped) but my BP went down, plus one of my prof asked me why I was "totally disoriented" & give me a big F in a practical examination. I took a single dose ( Only 50 mg) 2 days before. ( Yup Today I made sure I'll have a line of  Fs in my transcript this semester).  .

Counseling never work because I become mute all the sudden. Beside what to say" Can you please tell me I am not lazy...Who can't just deal with the consequence of her choices.

Saw a psychiatrist once, but because he was so religious I couldn't stand him. I know he is one of the best here. I just can't convince myself to go see another one...

I know I am venting my spite in my friends. They are sweet enough to pretend nothing happened. Will technically I only threatened one of them to slap her & asked her to shut her mouth only because she asked why I look so angry.. funny thing she is the only one I can talk to openly..


Sorry for the bad inconsistent language.....

[Peter Forster]

Irritability is one of the key symptoms of mood disorders. The fact that you don't understand it suggests that you are really affected by the condition...
I notice that you don't talk much about treatment, just the symptoms, what has your experience been of treatment?

[Jaquta]

If you can't get into therapy then maybe try looking on the internet for some self-help program.
Some that I am aware of but can't access due to a slow internet connection are:
www.depression.org.nz.
www.moodgym.edu.au
The last mental health expert here has a website myvirtualshrink.com.  That could be helpful.

Maybe the problem is that you just put too much pressure on yourself (on top of a stressful and competitive academic environment).
Maybe a short break or a day off would be helpful.
I started a nursing degree a number of years ago but withdrew after several months due to extreme stress.  Two people I were living with were suicidal (one ended up in hospital), another had a head injury and would make horrific noises at all times of the day and night and another one snored at night which left me feeling agitated.  Plus I had my own issues.  I was so tired and I was so stressed by feeling that I was falling behind.
I only started making good decisions later when it was almost too late to stay on track.  When I eventually went home my doctor told my family that I was borderline psychotic.  It was crazy to have allowed things to get that bad.

I think you may also feel a little insecure about your options.  You studied to get away from or avoid family and now that you have nearly completed your study you are feeling anxious.

Your family probably have issues and that is perhaps why you can function better away from them.

[Vanishedwish]

Can you please tell me how help is possible? I explode at those who I asked to help (counselors, Academic advisor, friends…) & I honestly don't know why! like my advisor was really helping but I burst at him & asked for another one. Now none of my friends talk to me because of such behavior. It is cool to be angry, for a change, but it is getting out of control.

I just realize I have a final tomorrow at 8am. It is 3am now.. It is 5 credits subject. & the only reason I am out of bed because I feel guilty because I hurt my friends.. & decide to seek help for it.

http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/260257/What-is-the-difference-between-laziness--depression

[Vanishedwish]

Thank you!  =)

Help? I am an atheist in a religious, conservative society (Oman). The 2nd question-the 1st will be how are- a psychiatrist here will ask is  do you do the 5 prayers in time? I stopped believing in miracles long time ago.

Got up this morning in a good mood & then the need to relate to others hit( maybe to reassure myself I'm not alone in this). It's a vicious cycle  but I am trying, sometimes I succeed other I fail & life goes on =).

Thank you for your time.

[Peter Forster]

Medicine is a great profession and I think that you will be a great doctor... but first there is someone you have to take care of... someone who is very sad, and lonely and very much needs some help...you.
The issue is not whether or not to start an antidepressant but rather whether or not to take care of yourself and your depression. Antidepressants are one means to an end, they are not the only one, or the right one for everyone, but you have to do something or you will abandon yourself, and your future patients, which is not consistent with your deepest values.
If you can let me know where you are I might be able to help come up with some resources...
Please check back in...

[Vanishedwish]

Away from school days where I was an A student. Not only that I was a member, usually a leader in almost all activity in school. the truth is my performance- or perhaps the gut to crave my books decrease in high school, but still I was among the top scorer.  Now the real issue is I have no gut to read my books & I am in medical school. at the beginning attending lectures & quick revision at the night of exams was manageable. But now, I not only escape classes but also exams, or I may set to right the exams not aware even with the main objects we are supposed to cover. Do I hate med school ? No, & although it is hard to believe I love it. I love the topics I like the core of humanity & the opportunity to help people it provide. But again I question if it is the right thing- I mean with such low mood most of the time & the popping suicidal thoughts & lack off concentration how can I help others! Maybe it is just a case of loving what I don't have/afford.

Yes it is true that after 5 years I still question my choice, but again when I ever think of transferring to other major I feel it is wrong or if in one of my highs I determine to do it I'll pick something within the medical field.
To start antidepressant or not , to end it or not, to force myself to get up or not, to change major or not!  I just don't know what I am suppose to do. & this is simply the way I was 4 years ago & to the very moment I still struggle with such stupid nonsense.