Hey everyone.
Over the past couple of years my mental health has been getting worse and worse.
Almost everyday I wake up feeling dead, pale, hot/cold and full of anger hate resentment. Weekly anger meltdowns have been increasing and they're caused by my mood but the trigger is any form of stress or pressure, as well as being wronged/treated unfairly. Some days I'm very happy but most the time I hate life wanting to kill myself, sometimes when I'm happy I can't understand ever wanting to kill myself the mindsets are so far apart.
My parents keep saying I'm alienating everyone around them and the amount of hate I feel is incredible, I want to beat any scummy selfish pig to death. It all starts when I wake up dead,
Symptoms:
Wake up dead, pale, brain/vision foggy, tension/extreme irritiability, spitefull, sweaty armpits, I look lifeless and evil and feel hatred towards people in general.
Anger, resentment, hate, life or death situations, never in the middle emotionally (not bipolar though).
Anger fits, horrible meltdowns triggered by stress/pressure or injustice. Crying/sadness and somewhat regret follow these meltdowns. These meltdowns are extremely severe and can bring on fever, dehydration and vibrating vision/vision blacking out sometimes.
More and more food allergies/intolerances, lots of wind/gas, solid black stool or very loose strange smelling green/yellow stool without fail everytime. The sweaty arm pits, dead feeling/hate whilst waking up along with pale skin occur everytime without fail.
Please if anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them, I'm destroying my family melting down I call them the most brutal words I can think of and everything they say is (or interpreted) condescending and makes me even angrier. To the point of smashing objects. The arguments are over little things that don't matter to the normal person, such as no clothes or dinner or something. I feel every little thing is a chore.
Please if you have any idea, let me know!