I agree with the doctor, I think you need to see someone, you shouldn't suffer in this way, it sounds like you are in a lot of emotional pain...
I can relate to the reading, and especially being drawn to tragedies.. I have found this hard to understand about myself but I have come to the conclusion that my feelings and thoughts are so deep that other people can't understand, so I feel like I am lacking in people with the depth of empathy that I need for emotional support..so I turn to such tragic stories as the events I read about make me feel that someone out there feels as bad as I do...it's very sad.
I think the feeling of being unloved comes with depression aswell, it makes you feel very bad about yourself, its a cycle that you can't get out of easily, especially with how dark your feelings are right now..
A lot of good writers and poets are very emotional people, it is a good thing that comes out of such suffering, when you are better you will be able to use these debilitating emotions in a positive way, but right now everything is too foggy, don't expect too much of yourself, humans aren't perfect and if you expect too much of yourself you will worse.
I hope that you can get to a doctor soon and get some treatment, I think someone to talk to would be a good idea too, you emotions are so strong that it must be chaotic in your mind.
You seem like a fantastic person to me and don't deserve to suffer!
Dear Scarlet,
I definitely think that you should go see a doctor. It seems quite likely that you may be suffering from a major depression. Of course, I am sure that there is a lot else going on, but you should at least get someone to thoughtfully evaluate what can be done about your suffering.
Let me know if you need help finding a doctor... If you do it might be useful to have some information about your health insurance...
Take good care of yourself!
Peter
Have you ever felt loved?
What might it be like to love yourself?