Have you ever felt loved?
What might it be like to love yourself?
Dear Scarlet,
I definitely think that you should go see a doctor. It seems quite likely that you may be suffering from a major depression. Of course, I am sure that there is a lot else going on, but you should at least get someone to thoughtfully evaluate what can be done about your suffering.
Let me know if you need help finding a doctor... If you do it might be useful to have some information about your health insurance...
Take good care of yourself!
Peter
I agree with the doctor, I think you need to see someone, you shouldn't suffer in this way, it sounds like you are in a lot of emotional pain...
I can relate to the reading, and especially being drawn to tragedies.. I have found this hard to understand about myself but I have come to the conclusion that my feelings and thoughts are so deep that other people can't understand, so I feel like I am lacking in people with the depth of empathy that I need for emotional support..so I turn to such tragic stories as the events I read about make me feel that someone out there feels as bad as I do...it's very sad.
I think the feeling of being unloved comes with depression aswell, it makes you feel very bad about yourself, its a cycle that you can't get out of easily, especially with how dark your feelings are right now..
A lot of good writers and poets are very emotional people, it is a good thing that comes out of such suffering, when you are better you will be able to use these debilitating emotions in a positive way, but right now everything is too foggy, don't expect too much of yourself, humans aren't perfect and if you expect too much of yourself you will worse.
I hope that you can get to a doctor soon and get some treatment, I think someone to talk to would be a good idea too, you emotions are so strong that it must be chaotic in your mind.
You seem like a fantastic person to me and don't deserve to suffer!