Depression can alter perception

[HVAC]

I have been super depressed. Feeling guilty our health care costs are 50% of our income with only the basics, Thinking people thought the worst of me. Mad I do not get all I want to done. Sad I can't get the health care I need. Having the majority of folks say nice things but zeroing on those who said the negative things. Having the jauniced glasses of depression viewing the world.

Attended a wonderful lunch with the Regional Director of U.S. DHHS today. Saw all kinds of people who encouraged me to get back to blogging. These folks are all professionals so It was good to know I am known and I make an impact. I had lost confidence in myself and stopped blogging. I thought no one wanted to hear what I had to say.

It was also important to know my life counts for something. Lately I have just felt all my MS adds up to is a financial drain on my family. I was thinking I have no value.

Today I had a group of people without my bidding, tell me I do make a difference. I did not expect it. In fact I was surprised anyone even reads my blog. May be something good came out of my illness. I have found a voice to champion others like me who can't afford their health care. I was one of those who could afford health care so I did not get involved with the legislation.

Now I am at the legislature and going to D.C. and meeting with  U.S. DHHS. I am serving on think tanks. Now I am working on initiating a State Law. I have hope for myself and hope for the future of this country.

I guess the difference between hopeless and hopeful is trying to do something.

I guess the same is with my MS. The heat is really bad for me this year. I do what I can and then I crash. I do not get mad what I can't do. I am happy for what I can.

Grady's training is also going well. He is smart and into everything but very teachable. I am bringing him up slowly. I intend of taking two years to train him. It is very gratifying to work with such an intelligent dog. He was upset when I took Polly today and left him home. Polly of course amazes everyone with her perfect manners.

Besides having MS I have a perfect life. I would not be doing advocacy or training Service Dogs, or serving on the Service Dog Committee for the State if I did not have MS. Or riding Dressage.

Alex

[jensequitur]

Alex, I didn't realize you blogged - where is it?

[HVAC]

Thanks for all your support. My depression is my most serious MS symptom. It is always there. I have learned to live with it. I have a whole game plan to live along side of it. I can't afford to give in to it or sit with it for any time. I was starting to slide in the last few weeks.

It was good yesterday to see that my depression had once again fogged my view of myself and the world. There are problems but in both cases there are always options and hope and someone beside you to encourage you.

Alex

[jujuminx]

Oh Alex, you are such an inspiration to so many. You give so many hope and understanding, and all with an incredible attitude.

You have had more than your fair share of heartache, yet you keep moving forward, all the while helping others.

It's natural to have down times. I know knowing this doesn't make it easier.  Give it some time and it will pass. We care for you very deeply.

We are here for you just as you have been here for us...

Julie

[Sumanadevii]

You're right Alex, there are some MSers that would love to trade places with you.  Some that have no healthcare and some that couldn't do even a forth of the stuff you body enables you to do.  In fact, at this point, I couldn't do any.  The difference is, it is your body and your life being turned upside down by this ugly disease.  I think a bit of depression is normal considering what we face daily.

[cheesymum]

Alex, I can't tell you what you have meant to me as a limbolander.  Your messaging back and forth with me and answering my endless questions has meant so much.  I'm glad you got some positive affirmation today.  It means alot, I'm certain.

If you wouldn't mind, I would love to have the link to your blog.  

Thanks!

[Deb61]

There's a few people on this forum that I look up and search for answers first--and you're one of them.  You provide very well-grounded and good advice.  I would also to love to hear your blog--I didn't know you have one!

Don't feel guilty about the health care cost.  You didn't ask to have MS.  You can't just throw the towel in and give up on yourself by not receiving treatment, so you really don't have an option but to have the medical expenses to pay for your care.  I know what you mean, though.  I also feel twinges of guilt over my medical expenses, too (like I can do anything about it either).  

I do like how you stated that good has come out of having MS.  You are a role model, Alex.  I would like to one day start doing what you're doing.  It helps me, too, to help others.  

Hugs,
Deb  

  

[rendean]

Alex,

You DO have SO much to offer to health care and the world. Your art, your advocacy, your blogging, your unique view on the world as well as what is in your own backyard. Finding the good in every situation is a gift and you have that gift. Thank you for sharing it with us!

Ren

[Needhelp16]

Since I'm pretty new to the forum you're going to have to cough up the link to your blog. I would love to read it!  And you do have so many things to be proud of. I only hope as I become more familiar and knowledgeable with MS that I can do great things like what you are doing.  Truly inspiring!!!

[Lulu54]

Alex,

You are always the realist - yes, MS takes so much of our resources and even more so with your insurance situation.  It is a crime that in this country someone who has worked and contributed should be faced with the choices in care you have had to make.

But I love that you recognize how this disease has changed your life in so many positive ways.  I'm with you in that having MS pushed me out into the bigger world to do more, and I 'm thankful for the experiences and challenges I have taken on.

You are a terrific asset here, as well as so many other places.  I am thankful you heard that affirmation today in your meetings and I hope you'll listen to the voices here that second those thoughts.

hugs,
Lulu

[grannyhotwheels]

Alex, I also want to thank you for being our voice... I don't think you realize what a tremendous inspiration you are to so many of us on here... I know all about going through the big "D" (Depression)... It seems like I'm there at least every other day...

My husband and I both are on disability so I also know about the financial burdens that MS or other diseases can put on a family... About the only thing we haven't lost is our home and that's not even a guarantee any more... It kills me to tell my son that he can't do things with his friends because we don't have the money...

Please keep up your work as much as you can without it disturbing your health... We all appreciate you and need you doing this for us... GOD bless you!!!

I'll be praying,
Carol

[Starryeyes2]

You have so many things to be proud of yourself about. You are always optimistic, pushing forward. I know about the service dogs and horse riding because of you. You are inspirational to me and I am grateful you are on here.

I am very sorry about the medical expenses you are dealing with.

I want to thank you for advocating for all MS people's behalf.

Many hugs
Kristi